I have a girlfriend who's first boyfriend was abusive and controlling. Everyone from her friends to her mom hated him. So by no stretch of the mind shes pretty cynical towards relationships and "doesn't like" dating (she does she's just still bitter). So she insinuates to me that she wants to break up/take a break, so I go ahead and tell her we should. She thanks me for being understandable and starts acting like she did before we dated (giving me the "look", flirting, showing alot of interest, etc.). I figured I should give her time to think things out, be her friend. Recently she started acting even more distant. We were supposed to goto a movie a couple of days ago, & when I called her (only twice) she never answered or called back & I havn't talked to her since. I was never needy or anything. Now I have reason to believe she got back with her ex possibly (due to a pic on her myspace)
2006-07-14 05:37:51 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First let me tell you this. when people have been in a relationship that was abusive for a long period of time their mind has usually become accustom to that type of treatment. it's the battered womens syndrome and no matter how nice you have been to her or understanding she will still not realize she deserves to be treated with respect and in which case she will always seem somewhat unhappy with you and unfulfilled. It has more to do with the person who has been battered and less to do with you. I've counseled many women like this and i have come to know that until a woman of this nature believes she deserves a man who will love and respect her. until she comes into state of mind of self love and self worth anyone she gets with who isnt mistreating her will become a bore to her. She has not yet realized how unheathly her life was before and her state of mind because of the abuse she's endured has left her to believe that to be abused means she's being loved. If in fact she is back with her ex this is mere proof that her mind state is in an unheathly state and nothing you or anyone else can do about it except for let her be. She needs time to herself time to reflect and realize that the behavior she was subjected to in the past is very unhealthy and dangerous to her wll being. You've done the right thing by giving her space. Perhaps now you should just focus more on you and less on her. It might prove to be rewarding,
2006-07-14 06:34:35 · answer #1 · answered by Sxyblkdiva 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you weren't needy was probably why she's not talking to you anymore. Women that have been in abusive relationships tend to get used to the idea of them being the victim. You weren't controlling enough for her and most of the time they end up right back in the abusive relationship that started it all. I'd say stop worrying about it and find a strong, confident woman who doesn't need to be pushed around to feel needed. These are the smart ones who will not be taken advantage of again, trust me, from personal experience.
2006-07-14 05:43:48 · answer #2 · answered by crystalglass_33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a slight possibility that she is with him. Sometimes, females who are in an abusive relationship does not know anything else other than. You did the right thing by giving her time to make her mind up. As you can see, she did. Don't dwell on it, another will come along and then you will forget about her.
2006-07-14 05:41:57 · answer #3 · answered by babygirl31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should give her a little space. That way after a while she will figure out whats she wants. Obviously she is not so sure right now. If you get a chance to speak with her, just be a good friend. She will open up her eyes one day ( whether she decides to stay w/him or be with you). You seem to really care for her, I suggest she give her some space.
2006-07-14 05:44:46 · answer #4 · answered by AgentQT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear. My boyfriend's best friend's now-ex just did that to him. Her ex was a horrible deadbeat; my boyfriend's best friend was a kind man who treated her like a queen. He even bought her a brand new car (even after she wrecked one of his cars). I'm sorry to say, but this girl has more issues than you can handle. She sounds just like this guy's ex to an absolute T. She left the good one to go back out with the one that treated her badly. It's too bad for her...you sound like a nice guy who'd make her happy and treat her like gold. I think it's time for you to move on and find a woman who will appreciate you for the wonderful man you are. There's one out there...good luck!
2006-07-14 05:43:06 · answer #5 · answered by SuperJenn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nicely, this may be the oldest advice in the e book, yet who cares because it nevertheless works!! locate out something u have in elementary or that u both like and ask her a question on that problem next time u see her because then u can wreck the ice without issues getting too awkward. enable me recognize how issues instruct!
2016-10-14 11:18:10 · answer #6 · answered by jackson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, and if she is going back to an abusive boyfriend then she is really mixed up...
2006-07-14 05:41:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to her about it.. frankly.. because a relationship with no communication is does not exist to begin with.. you seem to be devoted and working hard for it.. if she's not interested then she should tell you so that you don't get hurt.. try to surprise her.. visit.. tell her you missed her and such.. see how she reacts.. and go from there.. but try to hear her out and let her hear you as well.. you should talk to her.. hope it works out for the best
2006-07-14 05:44:49 · answer #8 · answered by Ninja CK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thta's rough. I think just wnted to break up. maybe u should go 2 her house with some flowers and take her out for dinner. then ask what is going on and u'll know for sure.
2006-07-14 05:43:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she probably did. If you really care about her, then you should confront her. because shes probably in the same abusive relationship as before...
2006-07-14 05:42:58 · answer #10 · answered by Bella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋