Staying together for the kids.?

Question

I love my daughter. More than anything else in this world. I cant stand her mother. I didnt want to leave her because I wanted to form that relationship with my newborn daughter that I wouldnt be able to form if I lived away from her. My daughter is 13 months now I have put her before anything else in my life. But now I am starting to get lonely. Her mother which I am living with treats me like SHlT. I love her but she doesnt satisfy what I need Emotionally and Physically. She doesnt even care too, she will always tell me she is only with me because of the kids (she has a 6 year old son). am I doing the right thing by sticking it out for the kids or is it time to start thinking about my needs? would that be selfish of me?

Answer 1

for the daughter's sake stay with her but you should be able to change her ways and be able to force her -if it needs-to obey your needs and desires ,try not to be negative doer

Answer 2

Not selfish at all. Sticking together for the kids is one of the WORSE reasons for people to stay together (speaking from experience) Eveyone is entitled to peace and happiness and you will not get that living with someone you can't stand. You can still be a great dad and not live under the same roof as your child. Spend regualr time with her, keep her on the weekends, do things with her. Why torture yourself? Good dads arent the ones that stay in the house for the sake of...good dads are the ones that support their child(ren) emotionally, physically, financially and all in between and you dont NOT have to do so under the same roof. Go and find you some happiness baby. Try to get an apt close to your child to make it more convenient. B' well and good luck

Answer 3

Please don't stay together just for the kids. My Husbands parents did that and it has been much harder on him. Now that he's grown he carries alot of guilt. When his parents did finally divorce he was 23, and its been harder for him being grown than if he were a child. My own parents divorced when I was a baby and I won't lie it was hard but having seen my Husband go through it as an adult I can say it is definitely better to do when they are babies. I grew up knowing it wasn't my fault and that they loved me, it never really bothered me until I started school. (Kids can be cruel) My Husband feels guilt, he's sorry that his parents were unhappy for him. In the end I think he feels like he's the one who caused all the pain, because they stayed together for him. Not only that but he doesn't have good child hood memories because they never did anything together as a family except sleep in the same home. I know they thought that they were doing this good thing by not fighting in front of him when all they were really doing is biding their time. Although I believe you both have to earn your way out of the marriage. Might I suggest Dr. Phils web site.

Answer 4

its time to start thinking about your needs because you can always see your kids growing up and when they get old enough you'll tell them what happend between you too but sticking together for the kids is also not so good for you because what if she finds someone new she'll leave you in an instant but the best thing to do is live your life the way you want to . and also be with the kids. Dont stick around for something that doesnt give you want you need. = ] good luck hunny i hope you make the right decisions

Answer 5

Are you married?
My question is why would you have children with her or take on the responsibility of her child when she treats you so badly?

Hey, I can understand being unhappy and someone else had written on here that you can't get a divorce until you earn your way out of the relationship and I half agree with that but I think staying together for children is absolutely the worst decision you can make and it's better to end the relationship now when the kids are this young as opposed to waiting until they are older. The longer you wait the harder it will be on the kids.

Answer 6

When Staying Together for the Kids Isn't Best

You shouldn't get divorced until you earn your way out. That means turning over every stone and exploring every avenue of rehabilitation in a sincere effort to reconnect with your partner. If you've done this and decided that you need to get a divorce but are afraid it would harm the children, consider the facts.

Research shows that kids who grow up in an emotionally barren, abusive environment don't do as well as kids who grow up with one well-adjusted, single parent. This is not a totally non-controversial statement, so look at some of the research and decide for yourself:


More than 75 percent of children with divorced parents end up as happy and well adjusted as their counterparts with intact families. In a study of more than 1,400 families, it was found that, "the other 20 percent developed some kind of psychological, emotional, or academic problem, compared to 10 percent of the non-divorced group."

From "For Better or Worse: Divorce Reconsidered" by E. Mavis Hetherington, Ph.D., and John Kelly.

In another study in which 59 divorced families were interviewed for over 25 years, it was found that almost all children of divorce grow up with fears about being able to sustain a happy relationship. Therapy and supportive spouses can help, but according to the study, "growing into adulthood was definitely harder for them."

From "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" by Judith Wallerstein, Ph.D.

Answer 7

it would not be selfish of you at all because how can you give your all for the kids if you yourself do not feel whole? You have to take into consideration your needs as well. You can still do for the children even though you are not there. And if she give you a hard time about them if you leave, take her *** to court and sue for joint custody or full custody if you are able. it is good that you want to have that realtionship with your childe but men sometimes forget that the relationship doesnt end just because you are not around. as lond as you do what you need to do as a father, that child will see and always remember you bing there. So please take care of yourself , get yourself together FOR the sake of your child and you will see that the love for the relationshio between you two will always be there. Good Luck!!

Answer 8

IF you think your relationship w/ her cannot be saved and both of you have tried every option to make it work, then maybe is time to move on. You are not being selfish. cause you would be livign a lie if you stay just because of the mother. Don't do that to your daughter. Even though she's still very young, she knows what's going around her, and is not healthy for her upbringing. Her well-being is first priority, and if all she sees is arguing and resentment and not love, then is goign to affect her.

best wishes
~LATINA

Answer 9

Leave. Get a parenting plan worked out with the courts. There is never a reason, not even your kids, for staying in a bad relationship. The kids will see how you two can't stand each other, and that's not good behavior to teach them.

Answer 10

You need to think about yourself too, if you aren't the kids are going to pick up on it. Kids are smarter then we think, they can sense when something is wrong at home. If you split you can still see and take care of your daugther. You say you love your wife, have you tried talking to her or counseling. She is with you for the same reason, so if you split you can't feel bad about it that's what she wants too nut sounds like she wants you to do it first. You aren't selfish just tried of being treated like **** and that's understandable. I know you don't want your child to see you both resenting each other and no love between you, that's how they learn from you. I commend you for wanting to take care of your child. When most men don't care once they are gone. Good Luck and Best Wishes!!!

Answer 11

Believe it or not, the kids feel the tension as well. You need to get out, this isnt good for the kids, they can tell things arent right, you need to keep a close relationship with the kids, but get out of the marriage if this is truly the only reason you are staying! Its not benefitiing anyone with you staying there!!!