should i give my birth mother another go?

Question

I am adopted and have had off and on contact with my birth mother since i was a teenager but it was never really good contact it always ended in heart ache for me and i should imageion her aswell. i have had no contact now for 5 years but today she emailed do i responed i really dont know what to do my husband hates her so he wont be happy or supportive of me i am really stuck

Answer 1

Here's the thing. I'm all for second chances but if your bilogical mother has been doing nothing but continually hurting you with every effort you have put towards getting to know her. Then i'd say why set your self up for another disappointing endeavor? If a person has a history of hurting you even after you have forgave them time and time again, it is better and healthier for you to let sleeping dogs lie (so to speak). Perhaps your husband knows that "when" not "if" she hurts you again, he will be the one left trying to pick up the pieces again. Sometimes loving people means letting them go and judging by the looks of things this is one of those situations.

Answer 2

As I don't know the details of why your previous contact ended badly, or why your husband dislikes her, it is hard to know what to advise. I would just say go with your heart and gut instinct. If you think you would be constantly wondering whether you could have built a relationship with her then get in touch as then at least you would know. If you know that another failed meeting would cause irreparable heartache then perhaps don't. Very tough, I feel for you. As for your husband - even if he finds her objectionable or hates seeing you hurt, he really should support whatever decision you make, even if it is to stay in touch with her. This is one of those decisions that only the individual involved can truly make and friends and family should really try and be supportive - and ready to pick up the pieces should it be necessary.

Sorry, as I said at the start, hard to know, so I hope this isn't to hideously vague and has perhaps given you something to ponder on. Good luck, I can't imagine how tough this must be.

x x x

Answer 3

It doesn't matter if your husband hates her, he doesn't have to deal with her. That's your blood, and you have to make that decision for yourself. If you have you have forgiven the situation in your heart, then it only matters what you feel is the right thing to do. Your mother is still you mother, and if you feel any sort of love for her, then you would contact her. No matter what, we only live once, and regrets are something human beings don't like to have. If you husband loves you, he'll be there no matter what, it's not like you're going out to do drugs and mess up your entire life, you're keeping contact with the person who gave you life, regardless if you were adopted.

Answer 4

that's prohibited to that and falsifies the beginning certificates. The beginning certificates is a honest rfile of who're the mothers and fathers of the toddler. you're no longer the mummy of the toddler so which you 2 could be embarrassed approximately yourselves for questioning it is okay. How might you like it in case you found out that the individuals named as your (unique) beginning certificates weren't relatively your organic mothers and fathers? is this surrogacy or your chum picking adoption? If it is surrogacy you may desire to envision on the regulations on your state. If this accompanied then you definitely would desire to legally undertake. this suggests there's a beginning certificates with the organic mothers and fathers call on it then once you undertake you get an amended beginning certificates. Edit, you may have been instructed the legalities of surrogacy and the clarification I reported you examine the regulation the place you reside is for a solid reason. i'm in the united kingdom the place the regulation states the surrogate mom is the criminal mom in spite of despite if her eggs are used or no longer. There are surrogate mothers right here who've desperate to improve the toddler, been taken to court docket and function been given custody of the toddler.

Answer 5

Everything you do in life you have to do it to make you happy. No one else because you have to live with the decisions you make. Everyone should have a relationship with their parents. If you feel it is worth a shot, go for it! You would be supportive of your husband if the shoe was on the other foot. Try it. She's probably changed in 5 years.

Answer 6

This may sound cruel but if your husband loves you he should support you in everything you do. I was raised by my birth mum and have never been close looking back in my life i wished i had talked to her more and been close to her so i think you should give your mum another chance but take things slow so you dont get hurt. Hope this helps you. All the best for what you decide to do

Answer 7

Yes respond to her email..She gave you up but have you ever stopped to think or ask her why? Sometimes it is better for the child..You don't know what her reasons were do you..If not you need to get with her and talk..Don't you realize that she has probably been regretting what she did ? And I think your husband needs to grow up / You don't know her that well so how can your husband hate her...He just doesn't want to deal with it..Contackt her and tlak to her..Listen to what she has to tell you ..She is reaching out to you ..take hold of her hand , she is your mother ...Your adoptive mother should understand

Answer 8

Hi, i think you should keep contact, its just an email its not like you have to see her to talk to her, If your husband takes affence then let him after all she is your mother and you only live once and life is too short to hold grudges. My fiancee was in a similar situation but he says after all he is his dad and even though he has an adoptid dad who he classes as his real dad he still likes to keep contact with his birth dad, its complecated but what families arnt, give it a go email her back

Answer 9

You should count your blessings
1. because someone toke you under their arms.
2. she emailed you so that is a blessing

~ your mother wants to get back intouch with you so take the advantage and go for it. your husband might hate her but then look at it she gave birth to you. i know something might of happen in the pst but you will just have to let it go. the past will be the past . look in to the future aand you can see a brighther day. hit her bback up and have a conferssion with her.

and then talk to your hubby


good luck

Answer 10

ok im 26 and was adopted at 6 weeks old -

i am still searching for the correct details in order to contact her -
only you can decide if you want to -

are you not curious?

you may regret it - if you dont later ?

your bf should let u do it if you want to as it may be some thing you just need to do

hope things work out for you............

good luck