Six years ago we found out that my husband couldn't have children. Two years ago I had to have a hysterectomy so after all this time I'm still grieving the child we'll never have. Some days I do ok and don't even think about it. Other days it's all I can seem to think of and cry until I'm sick to my stomach or have a migraine. What can I do to get over this?
2006-07-14 04:54:28 · 11 answers · asked by Kaye 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Kaye, the first thing you need to do is seek grief counseling to aid you in completing the stages of grieving. You appear to be "stuck" at one stage. (How is your husband holding up? He may have his own issues about this.) It's important you do this before taking any other steps.
The rational suggestion is to consider adoption. There is someone out there who needs the love and guidance you and your husband can provide. Can you open your hearts enough to do this wonderful thing?
2006-07-14 05:02:38 · answer #1 · answered by TweetyBird 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have gone through this same thing. When we started trying to have children, we learned my husband was infertile. To my knowledge, I am fine, but obviously we can never have biological children, and I went through a period of serious grief over the loss of that possibility. I was even angry with my husband, not him really, but over the fact that I happened to have married someone who was infertile. I know how much of a loss it is!
You may not be open to other possibilities, but I would like to suggest that you consider adoption. We had already made a decision to go in this direction when a young woman about to give birth came into our lives, and chose us to raise her baby. I was present at the birth, and took home our newborn daughter from the hospital that day.
I am sure I would still be grieving about not having children if our wonderful daughter had not been given to us. There are still days when I regret that I will never go through a pregnancy and birth, but I truly think my daughter makes up for that. Plus I know her life could have been so different, if we had not been available for her.
Best wishes.
2006-07-14 05:05:31 · answer #2 · answered by surlygurl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunantly you can't, I have a disease called polycystic ovary syndrome. We can have children, but the chance of a miscarriage and birth defects is higher. The thing is, is that is what I'm terrified about! Have you trie to adopt? You should if not, you might try to be a foster parent. There are a lot of good kids out there that need good homes! I know they may not be your blood child, but it's just as good!
2006-07-14 05:04:59 · answer #3 · answered by marieandlucaspape 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is in women's nature to think and want children. So it's natural that you're feeling this way. But there are definately many options in which you can help you feel better about kids. You can adopt, be a foster parent for kids who are less fortunate, babysit your friend's children, work at a children's center, etc. Just keep your mind open to many options about kids.
2006-07-14 08:04:44 · answer #4 · answered by Intuitive M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After my parents had me, they found out my mom couldn't have anymore kids. They REALLY wanted a boy, so they became foster parents thru our local Department of families and children. Three years later, they adopted my brother. We have had him since he was 6 weeks old. He is special needs, but not all kids who are in foster care are special needs. Please consider this as an alternative way to motherhood. These kids need good parents, and you need a child.
2006-07-14 05:01:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not adopt if you want so badly to be a mom? It could be great for you & you'd be saving a life. Otherwise, perhaps you could satisfy your motherly instincts in some other way, like volunteering to tutor kids or walk dogs or something. Just try not to be so sad. You're still a great person, right?
2006-07-14 06:54:11 · answer #6 · answered by slans 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a therapist. A good one will be able to help you accept this and make the decision on whether to adopt, try a surrogate or remain child free. There is help out there you just have to accept it.
2006-07-14 08:15:32 · answer #7 · answered by hannah40 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that u should first get ova the grieve- in a healthy that is most suited u and ur husband! then think about adopting or fostering- u dont want the child to think that he/she was picked as a foster/adoptive child cos its the second best option- u want that child to think to decided to adopt/foster him/her becos u wanted him/her to be part of ur family!
2006-07-14 05:21:46 · answer #8 · answered by cuban_salsa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered adoption? You can have a happy family life which includes children if you expand your options just a bit.
2006-07-14 04:58:44 · answer #9 · answered by Only_my_opinion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want children you can look into adopting.
2006-07-14 04:59:06 · answer #10 · answered by Cleveland! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋