How can you tell if a man is being passive or if he is just not that into you?

Question

When we first met he said he didnt have time for chics, but then asked me to be more aggressive toward him. I thought he just meant sexually, but he has never tried anything when we're together. Sometimes we sit there in silence. Its been three weeks and we've hung out after work a few times and we're going on our second date today. Do you think he just wants to be friends?

Answer 1

Now you say he's never tried anything when you're together, but have you?

If not, you should. In fact, I would recommend planting a big smooch on him right at the start of your date. That should break the ice if he is just shy/nervous, and if he's really not into you you'll know right away.

On the other hand, if you have exchanged some brand of physical affection and he's still hemming and hawing... well, then, yeah he's not that into you. In fact, in this case he might well have a girlfriend or wife that he's somewhat reluctant to cheat on. Even if he doesn't you should probably dump him because dating someone who doesn't know what they want is emotional suicide. Still, you seem to really like this guy so you should go ahead and talk to him first. If you do try to talk it out with him, don't frame it in broad terms that might scare him off. For example - "Where do you see this relationship going?" Instead toss him this softball - "What do you look for in a woman?" He'll answer in one of three ways. Either he'll go for the obvious and say you're they only woman for him, or perhaps he'll be more subtle and mention some attribute that you obviously have like, "I like women with dark hair/brown eyes/etc..." In either case you'll have a pretty good idea that he is interested. On the other hand, he may describe a woman who is nothing like you and in this case he is either not interested or too dumb to see the opening you gave him and thus too dumb to waste your time on.

As it stands you really have nothing to lose. Take that to heart and have confidence. If you try to draw him out tactfully and he remains vague, then feel free to call him out - "Are we going to make out or what?" Unless this guy is painfully shy he's pretty much a lost cause anyway, so it's time for him to step up and make his intentions known. Otherwise this limbo could drag on forever.

Answer 2

The human brain operates three different levels - the brain stem, the limbic brain, and the cerebral cortex. The brain stem keeps us breathing - the most primitive part. The limbic brain is the seat of emotions - where depression happens, but also joy. The cerebral cortex is where we use language, symbols, and abstract thought. As anyone knows, emotions and abstractions seem to always get into conflict. Poets try to unravel this, but it's a never ending quest.

For your man, think about what you like about him. Probably his intelligence, good looks, etc. Right? He probably has a great mind and expresses caring. But there's trouble for him to connect with the emotional level, and that's what you consider "being passive". Engage him in something intellectual, and then he'll probably get passionately talking, right?

Some of us grow up learning to suppress the limbic portion of our brain for good reasons - it got us into trouble with parents or in our neighborhood. We suppress emotion a lot in our country - it's an epidemic.

So here's what I suggest. Get his motor running in a way that is not sexual or personal but outside the tight orbit of his relationship with you. Get him passionate about something - anything - it'll take some thinking about what interests him, but you can do it. Hey, it might even be an argument. Who knows?

But that's where you will find the answer to your question. If he has a global blanket on every possible expression of emotion - well, I don't know, I guess you move on. But if he just has girl anxiety - you have found buried treasure! That's just a little thing he needs to get over and he's all yours!

Remember, for a man with anxiety, girls take ALOT more work. He needs to spend hours getting ready mentally for that quiet date. Believe me, it hurts him a lot more than it inconveniences you.

Finally, there are drugs now that can change him to an entirely different person. And it may even be a short course. Imagine what a treasure he will be when that little quirk about him initiating conversation is lifted from his personality.

keep trying. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Hello Temo:
Hey, what do you want from this relationship?
I don't hear what you want?

Hey, you should decide what you want, and stand by it. If you want to date this guy because he interests you in many ways; not just the body girl; then put your best foot forward, believe in yourself and respect your boundaries.

Why is it that some people don't write their own maps for life. They just wander down life's lane waiting for a car to stop and 'maybe' like them and take them for a ride.

You have to get to love/respect yourself first, before you can be loved/respected by another person. Period.

To respect/love oneself all you have to do is look inside, feel what you feel, set out boundaries that you care about for yourself, and not question yourself ever. You are you, and everyone has their own map; or hopefully does somewhere deep inside.

Love yourself first,
luv
Ava

Answer 4

He's just not that into you. Even a shy guy would have set up the second date withing the first week. When it takes 3 weeks to get a second date then your just a fill in for when he has nothing else to do.

Answer 5

when he does this:

*doesn't call or text as much as you hoped

*tells you all his loves and their names and other details (tells you that you're more of his confidante than future girlfriend)

*doesn't pick up the hints you dropped (either that, or you need to be a little more obvious)

*he doesn't like going on one-on-one outings with you, he'd prefer group dates.

that's all i can remember right now... I'm not saying tat these are 100% foolproof but they are accurate enough.

Answer 6

WEll, who know hes seems like a very copmplicated guy to fugure out, so for now just think of him as friends thatr way your not expecting anything out of it.. and oif something does come up well then yey for you.

Answer 7

He's trying to see if there's a connection between you guys. If you like him, be more open with him. But don't be too sexually aggressive cuz some guys get turned off by that. Just tease but don't please too soon.

Answer 8

the thing about guys i realized is... if they want to be with someone, they will do something about it. that's IT. there are no excuses.....if the guy was too shy, that's not an excuse.. it just means he doesn't want it bad enough to do something about it. i tell that to my friend all the time, he's REALLY shy around girls! doesn't know WHAT to do w/ himself. i tell him, if you really liked her, you would have done something about it; therefore, u probably don't like her that much and are just nervous cuz she's of the opposite sex. =T AND if he really likes someone but STILL doesn't do anything about it.. do you really want a guy who doesn't go for what he wants? =T.... probably not....one guy i kept turning down, but he was so persistent and i know that he really liked me. so eventually i said yes!! you want a guy like that..not one who makes you wait around. you have better things to do!!!! don't hang around waiting for a guy who confuses you.... just move on and look for someone who Makes you feel Wanted, Attractive and great!! :) everyone deserves that... male or female.

Answer 9

thisguy sounds a bit odd,

if it aint working out then move on and find someone that will make you happy

Answer 10

maybe he is gay..they make the best friends