He is lazy - expects her to give him an allowance, drinks, is not sanitary, opionated, takes advantage of her family expecting her to borrow money when he spends it gambling. she has been evicted several times, he brought home bed bugs when he slept around - so she has not furniture. She makes good money but has nothing to show for it.,
2006-07-14 04:41:29 · 12 answers · asked by Me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You can tell her you are concerned for her....(fill in the blank: safety, happiness, future, etc). And tell her why you are concerned. Best thing is not to judge her for being with him...she will not want to talk to you if you do. Just ask if you can help her to help her herself in any way.
If she is unwilling to do anything to change her situation there is nothing you can do. Best not to call her b/f names and alienate her.
If you suspect she is being abused (which is sounds like is possible) rather than just making poor decisions you might contact your local women's shelter. They will have helpful advice for you and for her.
Ultimately it is up to her to make a change. Unfortunately for you it is hard to watch.
2006-07-14 04:49:56 · answer #1 · answered by Miss. A. Laneous 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh me I am so sorry for the situation you are in. It's so hard to watch the ones we love be in relationships that aren't good for them. I don't think you are going to like what I am going to say though. Don't you think that your relative knows she is in a bad relationship? For whatever reason, she must feel responsible for this lump. I am sorry honey, but she is going to have to come to the conclusion herself and boot the bum to the curb on her own. All you can do is be there for her when she does. If you hate this guy so much, perhaps you can meet with your relative in another location so you don't have to be around him. Explain to your relative how you feel and why and then don't say any more about it. She will come to her senses some day, hopefully, and you will still be in her life because you chose to support her rather than dis on her man the whole time. It's important that you don't bad mouth him to her, she may love him. You would be the bad guy then. I sure hope this helps and she gets away from him soon. Till then, hang in there, for her sake. Good Luck. Nana
2006-07-14 04:52:07 · answer #2 · answered by nanawnuts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you can tell her, it probably won't do any good though. for whatever reason she has chosen to be with the loser, telling her might help her realize things at some point but until she gets tired of him there isn't really that much you can do. i would still tell her what i think though, that way when she does get fed up she knows she has allies. and i would also encourage the rest of the family NOT to help her out as long as she is with him, especially if she is borrowing money that he uses to gamble. you could also encourage her to take some steps to protect herself, at least financially for her own future. you might also mention that people that 'retire' early do it because they have made enough money to sustain themselves, he hasn't retired he's morphed in to a leech, and honestly probably always has been, find an old gf or ex wife and get the scoop from them, this may help show her that he's always been a bum and isn't 'retired' at all.
your best hope is to figure out why she doesn't think she deserves better than this loser and convinces herself to settle for him and work on helping her fix that problem, which then leads to her seeing him for what he really is, wanting better for her life and also prevents her from getting involved with another loser, let her talk about him she has to think he has something going for her, find out what it is. alot of times its something simple, like 'yes he's a loser but he doesn't hit me' or something like that, they are aware but convince themselves he's better than other things they have known. good luck! i know how frustrating this can be! my daugter lives with a complete loser and it kills me.
2006-07-14 04:50:17 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi:
Well, the answer is hard and simple.
No one likes to be told. None of us like to be opened up to face maybe poor decisions.
The best way to help someone see perhaps the truth as you see it, is to ask them, 'ask them' are they happy, is this guy great and why and listen. Don't give any opinions, or answers. Just ask them. We see truth in our own minds when we are subjected to exploring on our own. We feel independent and smarter when we think we have come to conclusions on our own.
The sad thing is that sometimes the truths come years later....but thats okay....that is life....and if you are uncomfortable with her mate being around you, move away from your friends for awhile....keep busy and never give advise ....it never, ever works.....
Human nature I'd say. If you can't stand the heat of her horrible situation, move on, and you don't have to hurt yourself seeing them hurt.....and if she can't see this...her lose and your sanity....
You need to respect yourself and move on....standing around while someone kills themselves is not being a faithful friend, as some may not agree!
luv
Ava
2006-07-14 05:03:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure she knows she has a loser so telling her will do nothing. Just keep telling her how she can do better by herself and that she deserves more. BUT, she is the one making it easy for dude to be a lazy good for nothing loser so she needs to get out of stupid mode and handle her business..
2006-07-14 04:57:34 · answer #5 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to realize somehow that she is worth more than this loser. I don't understand other womens desires to stay in unhealth rather than be alone. Has she ever mentioned a concern with his behaviour? Tell her that even though he may not be hitting that this is still abuse....using is abuse. You could always call the police and tell him he's a burglar....just a thought. Anyway, good luck.
2006-07-14 04:53:45 · answer #6 · answered by Madelia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should sit her down or someone in the family and talk to her to leave him because why would she want some low life looser i mean honestly you wouldnt want that happening to you and maybe if you knocked some sense into her than maybe she would listen and tell her to look at the facts because why waiste your time with someone like that when you can do anything untill you die. Seriously thats just pathetic
2006-07-14 06:06:14 · answer #7 · answered by piggystizzles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a loser but she is in love with him ...not much you can say to make her see it your way..One day she will open her eyes and tell the jerk to leave
2006-07-14 04:46:43 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, there is nothing you can do. Some people chose to live their lives that way. Nothing you can say to your relative is going to change anything.
2006-07-14 04:45:38 · answer #9 · answered by akc1106 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is entitled to make their own mistakes!
2006-07-14 04:45:06 · answer #10 · answered by Wounded duckmate 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋