What to do when Wedding invite doesn't say and guest?

Question

So my live in boyfriend of two years was invited to his best friend from college's wedding. When he got the save the date card, I took the time off from work and opted not to sign up for a class that if I took, it would raise my salary 10k a year... something I really needed. But this wedding is very important to my boyfriend, so I didn't sign up. We got the invite and my name wasn't on it, nor was and guest. He won't call his friend and ask her about it because she has the bar exam coming up, but part of me thinks he's embarassed b/c he's the type of guy that you could work w/ for 20yrs and not know he's married with children b/c it didn't come up... and he hasn't talked with this friend in a while and I honestly don't think she knows about me. I'm pissed because I didn't sign up for the class, loosing out on 10k. She is very wealthy (she's spend over 100k on her wedding already), is it rude to send back the card with 2 guests?

Answer 1

XXXXXXXXXXXXX When planning a wedding the number of people you invite is very important because you make out the seating arrangements at the same time. Both the bride and the groom has a certain amount of people which they have to invite. From this, they plan the amount of food that has to be catered etc. Just think if everyone they invited invites a friend. What a problem that would create. I was invited to the wedding of Actor LeVar Burton (Star Trek: TNG) without his concent I invited my best friend Dawn Hannon who was the nanny to actress Mel Harris (Thirtysomething). At the very last minute when she was at the height of her excitement, (she told everyone she was going) I had to uninvite her because this was my first wedding and I didn't know about the seating arrangements and that each person invited was also counted as a plate for the reception. Being rich has nothing to do with her prearranged guest list and head count for the reception. I've learned that lesson also. If I were your boyfriend I'd feel embarrased about asking her if he can bring a guest along if the invite didn't suggest it. (Haven't you watched Bridezilla?)And if I were you I wouldn't have ill feelings about the wedding because I wasn't invited since you stopped your plans before knowing the facts. As the saying goes. 'YOU SHOULDN'T COUNT YOUR CHICKENS BEFORE THEY HATCH." IN YOUR CASE, IT COST YOU 10k. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Answer 2

I think it might have been rude of her to not invite you or not invite him with a guest. You say it's his best friend from college - if she doesn't know that he's been dating someone for two years, they must not be that close anymore. It's a difficult situation that your boyfriend is in.

The thing is that there are two possibilities here: that she knows about you and that she doesn't. If she does know about you, then your boyfriend is just going to make her look mean for not inviting you, which no bride wants to be. She might have had reasons for not inviting you - maybe her dream wedding location is small and she's not asking her friends to bring guests. Maybe she wants to spend a lot of money on each guest rather than spread it out.

The other possibility is that she doesn't know about you - which means that she hasn't kept in very good touch with your boyfriend. I have to say that at our wedding we really only invited our close friends to bring guests. We just didn't feel that it was important that every single person be allowed to bring someone.

I know that it's an awful position for you to be in, because of the things that you gave up for the wedding - and in the future I would tell your boyfriend that he'd better be damn sure you're invited before he asks you to pass by that kind of money again - but it would be extremely rude for you to respond by inviting yourself. Whatever the reason for the bride not inviting you, she had a reason, and she's probably insanely busy with her wedding and the bar exam. I know she has inadvertantly added stress to your life but I hope that you won't turn around and give it right back to her. Again I'm sorry that you're in this position, it really sucks.

Answer 3

You can't really do that because especially when you know she has spent so much money because she is probably having an expensive meal. The only thing you can do is ask because she might only have enough seats for so many people and if you say yes then there might not be room and it could just be a mess. Trust me from a bride's point of angle. If you feel you really want to go, either you or him need to call. No that's not rude. Just call and say that you have been with him for 2 years but you know that he's quiet and you were just wondering if she minded if you came along. She probably might not mind but you shouldn't just show up. Good luck with the whole situation. Just also try to think of her side of the picture

Answer 4

Unfortunately you can't assume that attending it would be okay. You could call to ask it may not even be a problem...but don't just send back that 2 guest will be attending. I recently got married (with a much less expensive wedding) and it was very frustrating when people assumed they could just bring someone. Feel free to attend the ceremony but I'd ask before going for dinner. Is there no way to get back in on the class? I'd try to beg my way back in...regardless if I was invited to that dang wedding or not. Good luck.

Answer 5

Your boyfriend really needs to call her. I'm sure it's an oversight that you weren't invited. The friend must not know he is involved in a serious relationship. Calling and talking to the friend is the correct thing to do. It's not going to be some major stress that will distract her from the bar exam. Just sending the card back with 2 on it is rude.

Answer 6

Honestly, if he won't call and ask, you are staying home that night.

These people are paying good money for the wedding (no matter if it's 100K or 10K) and for one reason or another they didn't invite you. You would just be crashing if you come, or force yourself to on the RSVP card. Even if the couple didn't know you existed, which if the fiance and your boyfriend are so "close", seems very odd.

And, frankly, I can understand why he wouldn't want to call. That is honestly rude too, but better than you crashing.

Answer 7

Coming from someone that just got married: I found it rude that some of our invited guests responded with guests (sometimes it wasn't just one other person either) that were not invited. We ended up with more people than were invited originally because of this. I would have much rather someone asked us beforehand if they could bring someone (which a couple people did), than just rsvping with additional guests.
But, I will tell you if I knew someone had a significant other then we made sure to put the person's name or guest on the envelope. I would suggest he ask his friend about it though, to see if it would be a problem if you came.

Answer 8

His friend could have made a mistake. I mistakenly addressed some invitaions without "and guest" and they just called and asked. Your bf needs to call his friend and tell her how much you mean to him and ask if he can bring you. If she really is a good friend, she'll understand. That's the only real way to handle it. Tell him he has to call her. It really could be a simple mistake, or maybe she didn't even think he was seeing anyone. You never know.
After reading some other answers, I would like to add that the seating chart and guest count is finalized after they have all of the RSVP cards back. You are doing nothing wrong by having your bf call and ask.

Answer 9

Yes, it would be inappropriate to send the altered card back. Your boyfriend should call his friend up and ask if it is ok to bring guests. Just because she is wealthy and has spend a substantial amount of money doesn't mean that adding unexpected guests is an easy fix.

Answer 10

i'm asking a related question. i have the same situation that i need help with, but here's the difference. i was invited, my boyfriend (of 5 years) wasn't. while i am certainly closer to the couple getting married, they do know my boyfriend (we all went to high school together). so it's not like they didn't know about him. it's not like they're close friends either though. so...can this be an oversight or do they just hate him and i had no idea? is my only option to just call and ask? it just seems rude to put them on the spot like that...

thanks for any advice!