Controlling parents help needed!!!???? advice please?

Question

im mid 30's live with child and fiance. family live other side of uk im down south they are up north. im thinking of moving to usa with fiance and daughter as fiance comes from there. My family are all against me going......so much that they are being nasty....and now telling me as they wont she us much and they will never forgive me etc......making the whole exciting experience crappy now.....what and how do i deal with this???? ive tried chatting and it shouting and tears mostly from them........trying to control me and what i do with my own child.......the child is mine. not fiances

Answer 1

Gooner Hello:
Well, the main question that comes to my mind is "What is your fiance like?, and are you in this relationship for keeps, and is he good to you and your daughter?

I sense your family is mad for many reasons, and they will resort to anything to keep you with them because they are seeing something you are not.

Please, look carefully over your entire situation. 'Entire' situation on your own. Go sit somewhere where no one will bother you for 2 hours at least. No one. Write out a pro and con list....side by side. Seriously. Write out the whys of moving away. Write out the negitive things in your relationship...and they will not, NOT improve when you move out with him. Example, he is tight with money and tells you what to do....he doesn't like the child doing certain things and tells them to go away.....he looks at other women and goes out a lot but you aren't too......just examples.....

Then you will see what the problem is if you have written it out 'honesty'.

Your family loves you and doesn't have jealousy on the mind. Serious. If all was okay, they would say go.....look deep inside.

All of us want to be loved, and love and have a father figure for our child. But, watch out. You are talking to someone that did not listen to her family, and moved and everything to me looked great......10 years later, and 3 more children later we are suffering beyond belief.

Choose well, for your choice is endless.

Listen to yourself, trust your gut/head decision, not your heart with this man.

luv
Ava
email me if you want a friend from afar. I'm here for you....

Answer 2

If you want to go, go. The life you build is between the three of you now, if you think you would have a better life there, or want to try it for a while, go for it. If they were more understanding, they would say "we'll miss you, but see you when we can, stay in touch, and have some fun". You're right, they are attempting to control you, you may have to face the fact that you will not be able to leave with their blessing. When you've made up your mind, every time it comes up, just say something like "I understand why you're upset, but its a chance of a lifetime, I'm sorry you can't be happy for me, but we are going". Don't get into any debates, or slanging matches, don't let them change your mind, hold you back or make you feel guilty. If they wanted to relocate to Australia say, would anything you say prevent them? Would they go anyway? They should want your hapiness above all. My brother (the favourite child) moved to Spain from UK three years ago, I know its not that far, but my parents knew they would miss him terribly, but were happy that he was happy. Its an experience you can give your daughter that she won't get over here, and will doubtless shape her life, if its what you want, judt do it.I hope it goes well.

Answer 3

Take some time to think about this on your own, is this what you really want to up and leave to a strange country with no family to fall back on if things turn sour?

Perhaps think about living in the USA for 4 months and see how things go? Have you made any friends, if not, return to the UK.

Your parents aren't trying to control you they are, just like any parent, caring for their baby. They also want to be part of your daughter's life.

Does your daughter see her biological father? If so, he may be able to stop her from living in the USA.

You don't say how old your daughter is, but you have her education and welfare to think about, how easy will it be for you and your fiance to find work out there?

Consider all of the above and talk them through with your family and friends before you make your mind up

Answer 4

Your decision is made. You have made your choice and you will never experience what 'might have been' if your desire to please your family wins over the desire to live your life. Families can grwo through distance, and become even closer. Calls to the USA are cheap now, and we all know the power of the internet. If you become disheartened and lose your resolve, you may become resentful which is an emotion that will take your energy away. Your family are understandably afraid of losing you. Be firm, make your plans and know, that underneath, they will love you, maybe even plan for their holidays with you. Hold your head high, if this is what you want, do it, and don't look back. After all, you are free to return, but how will you know how things could be if you don't give it a try! Good luck!

Answer 5

You should do what will make you happy. I'm a 30 something too. This is your life to live. Sometimes family members get bent out of shape about decisions another makes that they don't like, and find out later that it wasn't such a bad idea after all. You have to take into consideration how committed you are to your significant other as well. If your family is being nasty, you're going to need a lot of support from them if you do move. I hope your family will decide to be supportive once they see how happy you are. Only you can make the choice.

Answer 6

Well, being in your 30's that makes you an ADULT. Stop trying to wheedle their good wishes...they're not going to give them. Sure, the US is pretty far away, but that doesn't mean you're never going to see them; it just won't be every other month. YOU have to do what you feel is right for you and your family - regardless of who the child's parents are. If you think it would be good to come to the US, then do so. Your folks will either cool off or they won't. The fact is, no matter what you do, someone is going to be unhappy about it...and your goal is to try to make YOURSELF happy first (selfish? Not necessarily, just practical). You can't please all the people all the time...remember that.

Answer 7

To be honest, I think you should get married 1st. I understand why your parents are concerned. If my daughter moved off to some other country, I would be totally flippin. Especially if she was raising my grandchild without her natural biological father.
Just do whatever your head tells you to do. Be sure you are not moving just because he is moving away.
Do whatever is best for you and your child. Step fathers are not the same as biological fathers, and you must look out for your child.
Will you be employable when you get here?
Does your child want to go?
Do you plan to live with your fiance?
Have you ever met his family and do you have friends here?
What is your motivation for moving here?
Good luck!!!!!

Answer 8

I know your family must love you very much and dont wont you to leave etc but its your life and you need to do what makes you happy.

You cant please everyone but you have to please yourself. It might be on the 'other side of the world' but you can go back for holidays and vice versa. Ok, so it isnt as close as North/South of England, but how often do you see them with this geographical setting in place already?

It sounds as though you could make a fresh start with your immediate family and discover a new way of living!
Theres always the phone, internet etc
The bitterness is quite a selfish act but its because they care.

Go for it girl and enjoy - Im sure your parents will eventually get used to the idea but they've got to let you go otherwise if you dont you might live to regret it. xx

Answer 9

Excuse me, but aren't you an adult? It seems you're living your own life and get to make you own-life decisions. Do what you feel is best.
Now, you got to admit, there is a core of truth in your family's concerns. Once you move thousands of miles away, casually getting together is no longer an option. You also should be realistic about jobs, living conditions, etc. They can vary considerably among the different regions of the US.
Good luck.

Answer 10

You have to make the BEST decision for you and your child first. If you really feel in your heart you wan to move with your fiance to the USA, then so be it. Your family will not always agree with what you do, but should support you. You can't live your life to please them. Ask your child also how they feel about moving. Their feelings should matter to you also. You also need to sit and talk with your fiance about this. Good Luck!!!