Do you want 12 points?

Question

Whoever gives me the funnest clean joke get 10 points and you get 2 points for answering.

Answer 1

just give me 10

Answer 2

I tried sniffing coke once.. but the ice-cubes got stuck in my nose! hahaha

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were
deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would
you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one.



Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are
the facts about the three leading candidates:



Candidate A -

Associates with crooked politicians and consults with astrologists.

He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 Martinis a
day.



Candidate B -

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college,
and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.



Candidate C -

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an
occasional beer, and never cheated on his wife.



Which of these candidates would be your choice?



Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.













Candidate A: Franklin D. Roosevelt

Candidate B: Winston Churchill

Candidate C: Adolph Hitler



And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question:

If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.



Pretty interesting, isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.

Answer 3

Army Dads Marching

http://www.niciest.com/index.asp?id=6

Answer 4

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.



After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.



The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."



So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.



He proceeded to talk up a storm.



Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:



1 Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.

6 We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

TThe Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9 When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.

1We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

1When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"

1The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

1The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

1Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Answer 5

Looking to buy a frog?
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

Answer 6

Ok, so this lady stumbles upon a magic lamp; she rubs it and out comes the genie. He asks her, "Make your three wishes, but remember that whatever you ask for, your husband will receive a hundredfold." So, she says, "Yeah, no problem. Anyway, what's his is mine."

So, she asks the genie to make her the richest woman in the world, to which the genie reminds her that her husband will be much richer... and she's like "no problem". And with a swoosh she becomes the richest woman on Earth.

Second, she asks to be the most beautiful woman to which the genie again reminds her that her husband will be better looking than Adonis. And she`s like "Well, if I´m the prettiest woman, he´s obviously not going to want to leave me". And with a swoosh she becomes ten times prettier than Monica Bellucci.

And finally for her third wish she asked "Give me a mild heart attack."


Women are SOOO maliciously clever....

Answer 7

Classroom wit
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhiji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.

What is the full form of Maths?
Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students

Teacher: Can anyone give me an example of coincidence?
Johnny: Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.

Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says,'God, are you still in there?'

Answer 8

Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with a direct object?
Student: You are pretty.
Teacher: What's the direct object?
Student: A good report card.

Answer 9

1. What did the Pacific Ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean?
- Nothing, it just waved.

2. What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
- Open toad.

Answer 10

So a duck walks into a store. He asks the clerk, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says no. The next day, The duck walks into the same store and asks "got any grapes" the clerk says NO.
So the next day the duck comes back and asks" Got any grapes?" The clerk says, "NO, and if you come in here and ask again ill nail your beak to the wall!!!" So the next day the duck comes back into the store and asks, "Got any nails??" The clerk says "NO", so the duck says, "Got any grapes?"

Answer 11

If you live in the U.S., how come you can't be buried in Canada?

answer: because ur alive.

A rooster lays a egg on a top of a pointy roof. Does it role down on the left side or right?

answer: neither- rooster don't lay eggs.