i think my daughter is being sexually abused at her daycare?

Question

She is four...now last week I caught her scrubbing her privates with a back scrubber....I told her that it was bad for her to do that that it could her hurt her...she said "Mommy I got to clean it really good", so I explained to her again that she need to just light wash down there with a wet rag.

Well she did it again about 3 days later, and I just thought, well she is very hard headed....there was no real damage, so I put some corn starch powder on it ...she was better by the end of the day.

Well this morning, before she went with my mother to a doctor for her ears, she told me that her privates hurt. I asked you know if it burned (she if she had a UTI) or if it itched (to see if she has a yeast infection since she is on antibiotics), she said no to everything. I asked her if someone was touching her and she saif yes, that a boy at her school was, and he would hurt her if she told.
My mom does not believe her, she said not to say anything, but I am taking her to the doctor

after she gets back from her specialist appointment.

My mom thinks that she is lying, because she is saying a ghost is doing it...but my mom never figured out the little boys down the street were sexually abusing me at the age of 8.

how do I know, what are some more signs? Please help, I am scared...anf my mother is being a b*tch about the whole thing..

my mom is like,"Well there are cameras all around, there is no way this is happening", but I see the kids running around with there pants around their ankles and lots of kids in a bathroom together and they all change into their swim suits at the same time.

you guys seem to blame me, I am just as flabergasted as you are that her grandmother does not believe her, I am taking her to the doctor, the doctor already knows what is going on, I called as soon as I found out this morning.

Answer 1

Get her OUT of that daycare! It doesn't matter whether your mother believes you or her, if your daughter is saying that something is happening, take it at face value. You need to address with the daycare what's going on as well, make them aware that you know. Under no circumstances should a male in the day care ever be in a position alone with little girls, be it an adult or a child!

I definitly agree with the comment by someone about finding out where the "Gotta keep it clean" idea came from. That's not something a 3 year old just has come into her head, that's something that someone told her. I didn't become conscious of keeping myself "clean" there, beyond rinsing with a little soap and water, until I was almost 12. I think, clearly, that it's not something you put into her head, so DEFINITLY open an investigation. If your daycare is uncooperative, go to the police. If the police are uncooperative, which they can be, I would recommend moving.

If it's an adult at the day care, which it probably is with the "keep it clean" idea, the adult may feel threatened and lash out at you and your family in some way. Take the day off from work one day and go in and see what actually goes on day to day at the daycare, and don't schedule an appointment. Just go in and tell the supervisor you'd like to observe how the daycare operates. If they give you a hard time, they clearly have something to hide.

Don't EVER, EVER blame yourself. You are only to blame if you allow it to continue. If you take the appropriate steps to protect your daughter, then you are doing your job as a parent. Nothing can change what happened, but you can use this to build a bond of trust with your daughter, she will see that she can trust mommy to protect her and take care of her.

Your mother needs a good swift kick in the as.s.

Answer 2

Ok, first thing...you need to remember exactly what was said when you asked her if anyone was touching her down there...I hope you didn't say it in those exact words, you have to be very careful when you bring those things up to a child because you don't want to put words in her mouth.

You should remove the back scrubber from the bathroom if she is just hurting herself with it. And you should have already taken her to the doctor to make sure she's ok.

The next step is to talk to the director at the daycare. There is no reason why the children should be allowed to change together! This needs to stop, and you should talk to her teacher also. And if she's doing these things at home, most likely she's doing them at school too, and her teacher should be notifying you when it occurs. She should be in a room with children her age, and her teacher should know EVERYTHING that happens there.

One sign of sexual abuse is when children wet themselves, when they are normally potty-trained. And also, if they try touching other people. Or, all-of-a sudden behavior problems...acting out and such.

Maybe, she just thought that she should clean it really good....you never know.

You know, you're always allowed to go and sit at the daycare to over-see what goes on. Just as long as you don't interrupt their activities. This is something that I recommend for you. Because, usually (unless the kids have been taught to hide) they will do these things in the open...and you might actually see it if it is going on. Don't jump to conclusions right away, go check it out for yourself, and talk to the director and your daughters teacher at the daycare.

Answer 3

You are doing the right thing. Your next step should be to call the police! You don't have to have proof, only a suspicion tha something is happening. 4 year olds DO NOT make things like that up! The fact that the daycare is letting all of the kids change their clothes in the same place, together is a HUGE red flag! Take her out of that place now! Your mom obviously has no clue (no offense) about what is going on! Don't hesitate to call the police... I would take this very seriously(which you obviously are), and DO NOT listen to your mother. Go with your gut, and what your daughter is telling you. Even if the doctor says he can't tell that anything has happened, it still could have. CALL THE POLICE!

Answer 4

If she's really scared, then she might be afraid that saying who was really doing it will hurt her. But I'm sure you've figure that one out by now. I think taking her to the doctor is a good thing. You could try to report it, though I worry how well the sexual abuse might be caught if they aren't doing a lot of damage. Talk to the daycare providers as well. If they refuse to have anything changed, then move her asap. Of course, if it happens again even after the move, you may have to consider the possibility that something else is happening. Do reassure her that you won't let anything happen to her and she might talk about it a little more. Now is probably a good time to let her know that it's not okay for anyone to touch her down there except for cleaning. Try to be specific on who's allowed to touch her for cleaning. And, of course, if someone does violate that, then she needs to tell you as soon as she can.

With any luck she will still learn and remember the lesson but things will get taken care of so that if it doesn't happen again, she won't really remember it when she's older.

Answer 5

Your mother is a dumbass and you should tell her that. I would not stop until I found out what was going on if that were happening to my daughter. And if that little boy was doing something to her and told her that he would hurt her, he AND his parents would have a whole world of hurt when I got a hold of them. Take your daughter seriously, I think you have enough warning signs to go the school and talk with the teacher and the director. Demand to see the video tapes of her classroom, they have to provide them to you. Ask your daughter to point out the boy to you so that you can see who he is, if you don't already know. Watch his behavior throughout the day, not when he knows you are watching, and see how he acts around the other kids. Do everything in your power to get the answers you need to this situation. Do not stop until you are satisfied that you either have the truth and can take action, or that you feel you daughter is safe in her environment. Be an advocate for you child, do you really want her to feel about you the way you feel about your mother? Bless you and I pray that you find out the truth.

Answer 6

I'm sorry to say but DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER!! The previous daycare that I worked at a male teacher was sexually abusing 2 little girls. Please take your daughter seriously. Take her to the DR to be checked. The worst that it could be is she is making it up and you pay a Dr bill. Isn't that better then finding out later that something was going on and you didn't do anything about it? Cameras at daycares DO NOT catch every single thing that happens b/c if it did there would be alot less daycares around....trust me. Not ALL centers are bad though. Talk to the Director at the center as well, teachers are mandated reporters and if it is not reported that you think something is happening by them they will be closed down. The state will investigate but you MUST also tell the police. The Dr. must also report this as a mandated reporter as well. (at least in my state) Then at least the ball will be roling on this. Meanwhile don't take her back there make other arrangments.

Answer 7

Your daughter is your daughter and her safety comes first. Your mother is in denial and you don't have time to prove it to her because everyday that you send that child back, is another time that someone is abusing her. GET HER OUT NOW. Pull her from the daycare today. Take her back to the doctor and ask him to examine her for any signs of abuse. Begin looking into the daycare center and you may even want to talk to some of the other parents and see if their children show any of the same behavior. You should also sit down with a local police officer and talk to him about your other options. If someone is abusing your little girl, then they're abusing other children also and need to be caught. You can't afford to wait for your mother to back you up, you have got to take action. It's your responsibility as a mother to protect your child at all cost.

Answer 8

Try getting a second opinion from a different counselor. Was once your daughter assigned her own regulation Guardian? Seem into that. Subpoena day care providers....Together with anybody else who has cared for her. I am definite you will have executed this, but retrace all your steps and seem once more. Preserve targeted notes of the whole thing: instances, areas, statements. Take her to the clinic for an examination at any time when she says some thing occurs. Name the state baby abuse hotline whenever. But eventually, you may now not get the legal decision you wish to have. Be prepared for that. What's foremost is that your daughter knows you tried everything you might for her and also you suppose her. The methods fails to shield probably the most innocent regularly.

Answer 9

Trust your instincts my mom didn't listen to me when i was 6 about a neighbor and when it came to the truth that he said my mom felt so gulity. The pediatrician can always tell if she has been messed with. I pray for you and your daughter. This is a serious issue.And from experience it sounds like she may be telling you the truth. Remember your are her mother you have the right to investigate things at her school. If i were in your situation i would watn to get all the facts before i approach the other parent. I would also see if there is a way that you can make a pop up unannounced visit at the school to watch the class with out your daughter being able to see you. Good luck you can contact me for more if you like!!

Answer 10

You are NOt being a B****!!!! This is your baby!!!! It would be better to be safe than to be afraid to hurt someones feelings. Immediately go to the director and tell her (or him) everything. See what kind of response you get out of her and proceed from there. A good director at a quality program will be horrified and will investigate immediately. Check with your doctor to see if he sees any signs of sexual abuse, and tell the director what he said. Whether or not you stay at this center, should depend on how seriously you feel the program is taking this and how comfortable you daughter is in going there. If the program or the director is not taking you seriously or you feel like she is not going to investigate and handle it, then get out immediately and report it to your state licensing rep. They will take over on the center end and you can just focus on your daughter and finding a better quality program for her. They are out there! One program does not represent all programs. Go with your gut! Do what you think is best for your daughter and don't worry what others say. Good luck!