I've just recently began seriously dating a very good man. He considers himself to be "pre-whipped" and expects me to take the lead in the relationship. He goes out of his way to make me happy, even calls me to tell me that he's going to be late in calling me. I am really not used to this. I'm used to being treated like **** by a guy, which I hated. I love this change, but I feel guilty in a way. I feel like I'm taking advantage of his kindness and I don't want to be one of those types of girls. I've told him my problem, and he just smiled and shrugged it off, like it's adorable to him for me to worry, but it doesn't change anything. Should I just go with the flow with all this pressure on me or should I just demand he "changes"?
2006-07-14 01:53:45 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds like because you have been treated badly in the past, that you feel like you don't deserve to be treated well. That's rubbish! As long as you are treating him well too then you have nothing to feel guilty about it. Enjoy being treated the way you should be and do the same to him in return. I suspect that maybe you don't feel the same way about him as he does for you and that's where your guilt is coming from. If you're not sure how you feel about him then just take it slowly. You may fall for him because in the long run, he sounds like he may be a "keeper". We women seem to be attracted to the "bad boys" (I know I am still at age 48) and it really is kinda stupid, isn't it?
2006-07-14 02:01:27 · answer #1 · answered by mab5096 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ah, he is a sub and wants you to Domme it over him. The advantage is that you generally get your own way, with no bickering over 'Chinese vs Italian' or which movie to see. Also, a sub can be easily trained to open your doors, help you in and out of chairs and cars, help you with your coat, stand whenever you enter or leave the room, even carry and mind your handbag for you. The disadvantage is always having to be in charge. You can't say "Oh, I don't know, where would YOU like to go?" becaues the answer will always be "Wherever you desire, Mistress."
In intimate physical matters, a submissive man is usually very open to taking instruction and direction, the opposite of a guy you can't tell anything because he already knows everything. This can make for a satisfying intimate partner.
I'd say that if he expresses his submission by simply being an old fashioned gentleman -- the doors and coat stuff, the being on time -- then go along with it. Praise him and show your appreciation for all he does, tell him how very special it makes you feel, and then you have nothing to feel guilty about.
But if he starts "acting up" and insisting that you "punish" him for his misbehavior, that can get awfully demanding. Not to mention kinky. Don't go there unless you really want to get into the BDSM stuff.
2006-07-14 02:11:58 · answer #2 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go with the flow! He's obviously a great guy : ) All you have to do is make sure you're returning his kindness. It's sad that you feel guilty about something like this...you must've been through some bad stuff : ( It was smart to tell him your concern. And he's kind of right, you know, for thinking it's cute and naive that you're worrying. A man that really loves you will love doing nice things for you.
2006-07-14 02:00:03 · answer #3 · answered by Allison 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's lame that he actually said he's "pre-whipped." I wouldn't demand he changes, just go with it and understand that his kindness is something he should do (nothing above nor beyond his call-of-duty). Just be careful. I'd be hardpressed not to question his genuinity.
2006-07-14 16:46:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Intersting question -- should you demand that he be more assertive.
If he does become more assertive, does that make him less assertive?
And if he doesn't change, does that make him more assertive?
You've just totally confused me.
How about you fall on your hands and knees, and thank the powers that be that you have met such a man. And that he likes you.
2006-07-14 02:00:05 · answer #5 · answered by profdave99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really like him and thnik your taking advange of him then demand that he take some of the lead. But tell him you still want to be with him. Don't let him think that your wanting to breck up with him. If you like being treated like this then keep it up. Hey, I'd like a man like that!
2006-07-14 01:57:46 · answer #6 · answered by Jessica thats me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that he is gentlemen like me.Please do not offend him. Explain him about yourself. Be open with him and continue relationship. Instead of changing him why you change yourself. I know it is difficult to change himself but in life do difficult thing rather than easier things. This would make you strong and you would be a successful in life in other areas of your career.
2006-07-14 02:12:52 · answer #7 · answered by gelilio 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you've told him how you feel...you can either walk away from a really good guy, or you can go with it..just don't take advantage of him...by taking the lead you can also be good to him...if he doesn't want you to spoil him, you're the boss and you can...just be happy..he obviously wants you
2006-07-14 01:58:26 · answer #8 · answered by Syeira 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not taking advantage if he is asking to be treated like this. I would worry a little that this would become tiresome and annoying after a while.
2006-07-14 01:57:56 · answer #9 · answered by Jim C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you demanded he changed, do you think he would? And how would he do that? He'd call you to tell you that when he gets home he's going to act like an a**, so be ready??
2006-07-14 01:56:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋