Help cheer me up :)
2006-07-13 20:19:11 · 12 answers · asked by Jen 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
The Shrink
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In
fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
2006-07-14 18:18:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
how did the hilbilly girl now when her mom was on her period?
her brothers dick tasted funny
gross but funny as hell heres one of my all time favorite because people don't usually get it at first and its really corny
so a pennguin walks into a bar and takes a seat...the bartender notices he looks a bit sad and asks him whats wrong the penguin says well my brother has gone missing and i can't find him anywhere.
so the bartender asks well what does he look like
(all penguins look exactly the same)
2006-07-13 20:38:22 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
CHeck this out:
A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "need", then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw".
The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate.
The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, "What the heck is wrong with you! Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!"
The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, "I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming."
2006-07-13 20:25:10 · answer #3 · answered by ♥Gilmore♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one of them asked.
"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."
Another half hour passed before another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"No, not yet," said the mother.
A while later and again the guests asked, "May we see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"
"When it cries!" she told them.
"When it cries?" they gasped. "Why do we have to wait until it cries?"
"Because, I forgot where I put it."
2006-07-13 21:43:40 · answer #4 · answered by just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
heres a clean joke :)
Bug flew into a barn
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
hopw it made u smile :)
2006-07-13 20:45:22 · answer #5 · answered by green123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Killed the mother in law
A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there. A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died." "Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends." "Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."
2006-07-14 03:12:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A blonde calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard.
None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?", he asks.
"It's of a big rooster", she replies.
"All right," he says, "I'll come over and have a look."
When he arrives, she thanks him for coming over and leads him over to the kitchen table where she has it laid out. He takes one look at what she's been struggling with and says, "Oh, for heavens sake, put the cornflakes back in the box!"
2006-07-14 01:01:03 · answer #7 · answered by 4u2nv® 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you hear about the stupid thief who tried to rob the butcher shop?
He jumped on a scale and gave himself a weigh!
2006-07-13 21:15:31 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah now im going to tell u something .u will cheer but from fear. U WİLLL DİEEEEEEEEEEE
2006-07-13 20:57:07 · answer #9 · answered by exsoul 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what do you call a penguin in the desert?
lost! heheh
2006-07-13 20:23:26 · answer #10 · answered by iamigloo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋