How can I help my mom?

Question

She's the bravest lady I know, she's 74 and wonderful. Unfortunately, this past week she had to have her yearly mammogram, they also did a sonogram just to be sure, and the doctor found a lump that he is 99.9% positive cancerous. She had a lump removed 6 years ago and has been cancer-free until now.
Right now there's not a whole lot happening; she has a biopsy this coming Monday, then after that they'll do an MRI to see where the cancer is, if it has spread. Sooner or later she will have surgery, and perhaps radiation or chemo. That part remains to be seen.

When this happened in 2000, I wasn't here, I was in Venezuela. I didn't even know about it until after she'd had the surgery and was recovering since my parents didn't tell me; they didn't want me to cancel my trip. So now I don't know what to do exactly to help her with this... she told me not to "hover", yet I'm sure she needs some distraction in the coming days. Any suggestions? Thanks!

All your answers have been terrific, you've been so kind! Thank you!
Also, I am a school teacher, so at the moment I'm not working, which means I have time, and my parents and I live a short distance (1.5 hours) away from each other.

Answer 1

Usually, I start my response with chuckles, but I will not on this one.
Its more like: [hands you roses ].

My mom just got over cancer. NOT the easiest thing to stare at the face of deatha nd then see her bounce back, and feel the complications. There are things you have to keep in mind. My mom always asked me: "How was I doing?" I looked at her in eyes and said: "I'm fine." Though inside, just bats, worms, vermin ate away. I smiled for her, my eyes were black. You have to be strong for her. I was strong for her.

You have to move forward, that's the best way to keep her moving forward. Make her laugh A LOT! I mean it helps sooo much. Make her laugh as she has never laughed before. Things that annoy her a lil' but, like leaving the jelly out, do that just a lil' only so she can be mom. Makes her feel she is needed.

Always, no matter what she makes, EVEN though may not be the best smile and eat it. Then chuck later if you have to. Give her space. My dad stayed EVERY waking minute with her, and that was fine. Till death to us part. I kept the FORT down. II did not make a mess; house was clean. Things like that.

So with all that said:

Make her smile,
Tickle her till she is blue,
But not too blue,
Where she can't breathe.
Give her hugs,
Ya, know those loving ones.
Smile through your pain,
Do not show her tears,
It will only cause her worry.
Be her arm that she does not have,
Be her wings that she needs,
Carry yourself with pride,
So she can eventually stand erect by your side.
She'll bounce back,
Give it time,
Its not a race won in a day or two,
Its a year if not more,
To get her out of those cancerous doors.
Just hold tight,
Be strong for her.

Wipe her tears, because many will flow, give her something to smile about and you my friend will help her have her motherly
glow.

LOVE.

J.

Answer 2

You and she don't know if the cancerous lump is begnin or maligant. And early detection can merit safe and effective treatments, something I think rests in her favor now.

But you need to get busy, take a week or two off, and plan a road trip; just you and mom. OK.....sigh.....maybe a brother or sister can come along if they can. Map out the route and go online for nearby attractions along the way. You know what to do from there, I think. Time's a wasting....so get busy.

Might be good to take a rental car, so you and Mom, at journey's end, can fly back; sis or brother can pick you two up from the airport (be sure to buy them souvenir t-shirt, too).

Nothing takes worries away and bonds people together like a planned road trip adventure.

Answer 3

I won't say don't worry because you will, it's human nature. But open the channels for dialogue with your mom. IF she is facing death (I hope not) listen to what she has to say. Be honest with your feelings. You love her, it hurts that she has to go thru this but you are there for her no matter what!! If she tells you or makes a decision YOU don't like, understand that it is HER decision to make and not yours. If she is of sound mind, (and I believe she is because you didn't say differently), then maybe she has given this alot of thought. I found that if people have gone thru this before, they think what if...

What if this happens again... Will I seek treatment, how much treatment, what kind.

I'm tired of living in pain, I've lived a full life and have made peace with myself, I'm ready to die.

I'm scarred, it's not fair, why did God do this to me, again?

These are all things she may have already thought and just needs to talk to someone about it with out the fear of angering you. Like I said, you may not agree with what they are thinking.

Try to decide if what you're feeling is selfishness, (I love my Mom and don't want to lose her) of selflessness (I love my Mom and don't want to lose her but it's what she wants)

I work in a hospital, and I lost my mom to Cancer. It's a nasty illness and it's hard to watch your mom suffer from this disease. Be there for her, take her to the doctors appointments, take her out to lunch, clean her house once in awhile etc... But don't "HOVER" if that is what she is asking.

She may have cancer, but she isn't dead yet and if you do everything for her what is she going to do for herself to feel needed?

Don't make her linger on in this world because you love her. I see so much un-needed suffering at the families expense. The families refuse to give up hope and keep the family member alive and they just lie there and suffer. Is this what THEY want or YOU want.

Just be there for her, listen with your heart, show her love and help her when she asks for it, or is too tired to finish the task herself.

You have a hard job ahead of you. Learn what you can about her cancer so that you can ask the doctors informed questions, and make the doctors answer the question UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND IT!! Don't let them get away with speaking doctoreese to you. They speak regular english force them to.

Good luck and God Bless

Answer 4

I would wait until results come in before freaking out. It could very likely be cancerous, but there's always the possibility that it isn't.

I'd say the best thing you can do for your parents is to be supportive of what's going on. Try to be there for her if she has to go to the hospital and try to send out some positive energy her way.

Good luck, and I hope that everything turns out alright.

Answer 5

Well My mom past away in 1985 I am 44 now. I wish I had stayed with her by her side more. I had 3 children and times were hard. Love her and do whatever you can . Mothers love to be with their children.
Also if you are a Christian Pray. We do all have to go home sometimes but if it is not her time God will help. You have to have faith though. I will be praying for your mom and you. I do know this is a hard time for both of you.
May God Bless you both. (((HUGS)))

Answer 6

just be there for her take her out for the next few days like out to lunch or to a movie or somewhere you both went when you were little to bring back those memories and im very sorry shes sick and going through this it must be tough.

Answer 7

Just be there for her the best you can. Listen to her and talk to her. You may not understand but just being there helps.

Answer 8

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