I was in a relationship for 5 years and 3 years into the relationship we had a son, after my son the relationship change he became very nasty he call me out my name, he even put his hands on me couple time. well we are not together. anyway i been talking to a guy he has real nice, patient, and understanding he love my son and my son love him but the other night he said he love me and he would like to marry me. this may seen strange but i feel like i am cheating because i still have feel for my son father. what should i do??? please help me!!!!
2006-07-13 18:43:59 · 36 answers · asked by lisa may 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I want the new guy , but my feeling for my son father just won't let go. my son father said he doesn't want me now maybe later on in the future we can start a new relationship.
2006-07-14 04:21:05 · update #1
You will always have feelings for your son's father. You are not in love with him, but you will always love him. He shared his life with you for five years, and you gave him a son. That's a lot on the heart. However, you realize that he is not the man you see yourself with 25 years from now. You met someone new, and if you love him as much as he loves you, go for it. You deserve to be happy. However, if you do not have strong feelings of love for this man, let him know now. Do not play with his emotions as well as your own. Perhaps you need time alone to figure yourself out. Who are you? Who do you wish to become? Maybe there are goals that you have not achieved in your life. I always say that sometimes we have to clean out our own garages, before we park our car in someone elses (if you catch my drift). Therefore, really assess your feelings for this man. If they are not there, tell him you wish to take things slow until you can sort out your feelings.
2006-07-13 18:49:46 · answer #1 · answered by adjoadjo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dilemma in life is not everyone wants. If we had to choose between 2 equally good things, then that’s a serious problem. But then we are talking about human beings here. Since you already have a child with the first relationship, the child should be of utmost importance. Most often we adults fail to notice the amount of stress the children go though because of breakups, divorces, separations, marital discords, loss of loved ones, etc.
We have a responsibility to make this place a better world by creating avenues that help build a child's personality along with emotional as well as physical well being. We should at least for once, keep aside our aspirations and wishes and focus on the child's growth.
Most often, for any marital conflict there is a simple misunderstanding. You can seek marital counselors help in this regard. What I urge you is think of your child first, and next anything or anyone. No matter what feeling you have, if the child is at stake and he is at the receiving end...then take the step that is most beneficial to your son.
There seems that you are going through some sense of guilt because you still feel for your son's father. Then its better you talk to your first husband, and sort things out. We cannot have two minds and be peaceful at the same time. Everyone deserves a second chance. Talk to the child's father, in spite of it if that person is adamant then the best suggestion is to move on in life in ways that are ultimately beneficial to your son.
2006-07-13 20:30:31 · answer #2 · answered by Chief of sinners 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The decisionof the heart is not always the same as the mind. You have a child. Plain and simple. You lost the right to make decisions based on your heart only the day you gave birth. The childs father put his hands on you? The actions of the father is reflected in the son...change the statistic. You have a man that loves you and your son and would like to make a life with the BOTH of you. If you love this person you need to stay with him for you and your son.
2006-07-13 18:52:09 · answer #3 · answered by beanie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is one thing to feel for someone and another to be in love with someone it takes two people to be in love you can not be in love by yourself I am telling you this because you are always going to have feelings for the father of your child even though you guys are not together you have a son and that is a lifetime bond between you two but it does not mean that you are in love so don't mix having feeling for him with being in love if it was not your choice to end that relationship than it is probably harder for you to totally let him go but from what it sounds like you have a stand up guy on your team and they are hard to come by so don't throw away what you have because of mixed feelings about an ex give yourself time to get over him just tell him that you need to take it slow 5 years is a long time don't rush into marriage for anyone and if he really loves you he will Wait and give you time to sort your feelings. good luck Girl☺☺☺☺
2006-07-13 18:56:25 · answer #4 · answered by aprilrayne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be in a situation that is good for you and your son. Your ex-lover does not sounds like he put you both in that situation. Now, you don't have to marry the new guy either. Maybe he's not right. Think long and hard because your actions ALWAYS affect 2 people. Getting married would add another person to the mix. But if you decide it is right, put your heart and soul into it, and try to get your son adopted by your hubby.
2006-07-13 18:47:45 · answer #5 · answered by Amber E 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is awesome that you have found a man that is willing to love you and your son. On, the other hand, you did not mention if you loved him.. If you still have feelings for your child's father, I suggest you wait until you are positive nothing will rekindle between you two. You do not want to hurt yourself, the new man, or your son. Be careful, it is tough. If and when you are sure of what you want, make the right choice.... Best of luck. BW
2006-07-13 18:49:47 · answer #6 · answered by BlackWidow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep dating him I don't suggest you marry him yet. Wait a few more years. Make sure the father knows 100% for sure that the relationship between you two is OVER!. Of course let him know that he can still see his kid and there will not be a hostility between the two of you.
If any men you are seeing or dating including the father are hurting you or your kid in anyway end it and call the police. That' about I can say.
2006-07-13 18:48:40 · answer #7 · answered by Scarlet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love the guy? He seems to be a good guy in your opinion. You will probably always have feelings for your ex. Even though you know he is not good for you and hopefully you won't have a relationship with him any more. If you love the guy who asked you to marry him then say yes. If not, then say no. Don't marry him because he loves you and is great for your son. If you do you will probably end in a divorce.
2006-07-13 18:47:56 · answer #8 · answered by Brian 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh honey, if things didnt work out with your first husband then just move on. Why would you pass up marrying a wonderful guy who loves you and your son? Think about it. Did your last husband respect you and love you like he should have? If the answer is no, what makes you think he'd change if you got back with him? I say get with the new guy.
2006-07-13 18:47:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl why are you worrying about the father of your child, didn't your mother told you every thing that good might not be good for you. 90% of women past what good and right in there faces, girl don't be a fool do with right not what wrong. i know how it feel to want to be with some one and that person has a whole other idea. a man who put his hand on you is not worth your time nor your son.
good luck i hope you make the right decision!
2006-07-21 14:25:37 · answer #10 · answered by shania02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋