when Im mad or upset, my mom blames it on something else like pms or lack of sleep. I know these things can affect my mood, but it is really annoying when I know she needs to fix something but she just blames it on something else. how can I get it across to her that she is the one with a problem, not me. she just wont listen!
2006-07-13 18:24:49 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have never actually told her that... I dotn dare ever tell her how I really feel. and yes, I am a teenager, a very mature 13-year-old.
2006-07-13 18:37:14 · update #1
LoL, although I don't get the pms blame and whatever, my mother also usually chaulks problems causes up to something else other then her own. I have been trying and trying for almost 8 years now with my mother telling her that she is the cause of these problems but....she has yet to listen to me. No one really likes to be told that they are the cause of problems, thus they try the blame game and award the cause to something else. It's very easy for your mother to blame it on you, since you are right there and she apparently has gotten a nack for it. You can try and persuade her....note you must do this calmly otherwise it is never taken seriously.... that it is not your fault and something else is the cause. Whether you succeed or not though I cannot tell. The main thing though is to not get too frustrated with it. When you find yourself becoming hot headed or extremely upset, ask yourself if there is anything that you can actually do to change what has already happened? My mother will usually blame me, I will look her straight in the eye with a serious look and tell her "O well, I guess theres nothing I can do about it now" or "I suppose I could have done that, but o well" This will usually stop her in her tracks or atleast frustrate her to a point that I get some enjoyment out of it and thus it relaxes me. :) That or you can start blaming her for stuff just as she does you and start showing her examples of how it is her fault.....but that usually just leads to argueing, which causes more problems so I don't suggest that too much. Hope this helps you a bit, try to have a sense of humor with it, it sometimes makes it better. ^-^
2006-07-13 18:44:41 · answer #1 · answered by Kiko 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey punk! ..... ;-) ..... Not really knowing the details of your situation makes it a little difficult to give "really" good advice, but I'll give it a shot. You've already made a very mature leap by recognizing that she "has" a problem, rather than that she "is" a problem. Try the following two techniques, and use them consistently, though with varying approaches, and NEVER with sarcasm (sarcasm will completely mess it up):
1) Use "I need" statements as much as possible, rather than aggressive "you" statements. For example, "Mom, I'm trying to be mature enough to deal with this, so I need you to really help me without saying it's something it's not ..... I need you to really talk with me" rather than, "You just don't understand me ..... You don't really care ..... You're the one with the problem, not me, etc., etc."
"I Need" statements are challenges for maturity and caring. To reject them feels wrong, as long as they're not conveyed sarcastically.
2) Without being sarcastic, ask as many questions as you can, challenging the statements she makes that "feel" wrong to you. Really seek answers from her, and don't let her off without providing some answers. For example, "Okay, presuming this is PMS, or something else, what do you think we can do about it?" or "What if it's not PMS? What if it's depression or stress? Does it matter what it is? If it's hurting me or you, shouldn't we do something about that? Am I justified in hurting others when I have PMS, too little sleep, or anything else?"
The idea is to ask and ask (not sarcastically) until the other person actually starts "thinking" about their behavior, rather than deflecting responsibility for it onto intangible, or unsolvable problems.
In the midst of asking, throw in your "I need" statements. "I feel" statements are just as effective.
I know ..... This was long ..... Sorry ..... But it's probably not long enough.
2006-07-14 01:54:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is one evidently brought up to believe admitting mistakes is a sign of weakness. I bet you anything her mom and dad were very Alpha people--and your mom probably was very much into little league and high school sports or competetions.
I doubt you can get it through to her that some things that can go wrong around her are her fault. You're wise to see what she's trying to do; have you think the way she does ( I doubt she even realizes she's doing that).
At least keep your mind free of entering her mindset; you have far more maturity to admit your mistakes when you make them. Or do you????
2006-07-14 01:32:01 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. Wizard 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her the things you have told us here on this forum. Sit down with her at lunch and tell her you need to talk. Relay this info to her. You might want to write her a letter as well (sounds crazy) but it gives her time to think before she responds. Most moms really want to do the right thing and listen, but let's face it, they get PMS too , and stress. Best wishes for you and Mom.
2006-07-14 01:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by crazymomma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whenever one of my kids tells me I am the one with the problem, not them, I don't listen either. You can't put her on the defensive and expect a good outcome. Actually, I think she is being kind to offer you a way out. Of course you don't want to be trivialized but you can't expect her to engage with a mad or upset kid--much better to approach her when things are calm.
2006-07-14 01:32:09 · answer #5 · answered by Singlemomof10 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best answer I can give u is there is no best answer!!! It sounds like she has a strong personality. So, u may just need 2 accept her for her (NOT FUN) but I understand ur issue all 2 well!
2006-07-14 01:30:08 · answer #6 · answered by deborah h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
r u a teenager?
when u grow up u will understand that she meant ur well being.
it seems u r upset about something which u have not told ur mom. is it a secret?share it with ur mom or someone whom u trust u should feel better.
2006-07-14 01:34:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
cool!! a mom is always a mom .u think this happens only in ur house?every mom is so.may b exceptions r there .when u take things 4 granted in a kool way it solves the probs.
2006-07-14 01:44:03 · answer #8 · answered by sagitha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from experience, be honest with your mom sit her down face to face, if it gets out of hand walk away remember you can NEVER take back words.
2006-07-14 03:59:14 · answer #9 · answered by furggy98 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe it's menopause but don't suggest hormone pills that killed my mother off try to get her to take natural hormone pills and let her know she is hard to get along with without them
2006-07-14 01:30:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋