I just had a hear-to heart with my little sister who is 5 years younger than me. I was in college through almost all of her teenage years, so she went through jr. high and high school basically alone (without me there). Because of the age difference, we've never been very close, but now that we are both adults, I'm trying to get to know her better. We were talking about life, and she just finished telling me the story about how she apparently was raped by the same guy twice in a 3 year time span, but it occurred over 5 years ago. She said she's getting over it because she talks to a therapist, and she is very strong in faith. But now I have the burden of knowing this horrible secret that she hasnt told either of our parents. I feel so guilty for not being there for her and for not looking out for her, even though I know logically that was not possible. I'm in a lot of pain right now and I'm worried. How should I handle this grief?
2006-07-13 18:12:58 · 21 answers · asked by prtybrwneyez1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First off, watch what you say and do during this period. Don't rock the boat by telling your parents, or others about what has happened. She's an adult now, and it's her choice whether she wants to tell others about what happened. She obviously trusted you enough to tell you about it, so don't break that trust.
She's talking to a therapist which is a real good thing. If this is affecting you greatly as well, perhaps you should also consider making an appointment with a therapist as well, for a few sessions. If a therapist isn't your cup of tea for some reason, consider talking to your local clergy. They are always there willing to listen.
Do not, however, talk to your friends (or her friends) about it. Word tends to leak through the grapevine. Even the dark secret stuff sometimes. One leak back to your sister about all this, and your sister will rip you a new one.
Sorry to hear you and your sister are going through all this, and I wish you both the best of luck in the future.
- Bob
2006-07-13 18:30:51 · answer #1 · answered by Microsoft Bob 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your reaction to this can have a great and lasting effect on your sister. What you say and do in response to this can and probably will be the bases of your future relationship. Do not tell her YOU feel guilty, that makes it all about you and now she has to deal with your issues. Just listen. Don't judge. Don't tell her you want to kill this guy, again she will feel responsible for making you feel that way. Your pain and worry are real and terrible, but nothing compared to what she has gone through. Please, just be there for her and keep your negative emotions to yourself, knowing she has upset you, and she can't fix it will just burden her even more. That isn't to say you don't have a right to your feelings and pain, but try to deal with them in a way that your sister doesn't have to know how upset you are. See a therapist, call a help line, just remember, your sister is the victim.
2006-07-13 18:33:21 · answer #2 · answered by eeyoreshunni 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm not completely particular, yet i imagine she made a vast mistake with the help of not getting the bastard criminally charged as a rapist. If he were chanced on accountable as a rapist, then he ought to in no way have any rights linked with that child. to boot to not having the right to work out that child he ought to nevertheless ought to pay toddler help on your sister. notwithstanding, if he famous out now that he has a baby he would turn round and say that there replaced into no rape and that your sister replaced into holding the youngster from him. So certain, there are criminal complications that would arise. If she tells the rapist that he's the daddy more advantageous than in all probability he gained't opt to have some thing to do with that child. yet when he does, then issues would get very messy. Your sister may have kin courtroom make the rapist take a DNA to educate the paternity and then she receives economic help from him. Your sister ought to tell the youngster the finished tale after he/she is mature adequate to take care of that data. So, certain, i believe the rapist not in common words benefits to study about the toddler, yet should be financially responsible for the youngster.
2016-11-02 01:01:41 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your logic is correct and you bear NO fault for what happened; neither does she as the victim. This should not be a burden of grief for you, but a chance for you to help greatly in her recovery by being there to listen to her speak of this matter when she needs to talk to YOU.
Albeit true: doubts exist she can today go to police and secure an effective arrest of this rapist for what he did to her; it doesn't mean he can't be brought to justice.
It'd be a MAJOR step for her to speak to law enforcement of this crime done her by this guy. I feel the police need to be aware of this human garbage, however--it's your sister's decision to make.
The police then can watch the slug (and they can do this impressively well I might add), and maybe the law can find a way to stop him from hurting others or find a recent victim and gather the DNA evidence needed to throw him in prison.
Revenge is NOT yours to take on this guy; leave matters to the law. If he escapes the law's punishment; he will NOT escape God's wrath when HE sees fit to punish him. And God WILL punish him in due time.
2006-07-13 18:25:54 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Wizard 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have to accept that it's happened, just like she did. It's so hard, trust me, I know about this subject. I think that she should tell someone definitely, but that's her right, not yours you know. Just talk to her and be there for her. It's something she, unfortunately will never forget about, but that doesn't mean she can't heal. Be there for her if she says she needs you. I'm sure the guy who did that to her did it again, and hopefully is in jail. But if she knows his name she really needs to tell someone because he could be doing it to someone else. She might not want to go through the stress of testifying, but it's so worth it in the end. She have saved another girl from pain. Give her this advice, and hopefully she'll take heed of it, so that sick man can be another one off of the streets... God bless her and you, and good luck.
2006-07-13 18:21:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know deep down you feel bad about it..and it was suppose to be a secret ..but that secret needs to go to your parents..
I am sorry I am a mother of 4 and if my daughter was rape twice in that period of the timeyou said..I would be very upset ..I would be more upset about my girls or son did not tell me so I could protect them.but, I would also understand..
yes..your mother and father needs to know so they can help her get through this and get that no good bastard off the street..
So, please get a hold of your mother and father with your sister and sit down a talk about this..Your sister might get mad at you and not beable to trust you for a while but after you get him off the street her life would be better and she could be herself again.and she would be able to trust you..Just remember you are helping her by doing this...I wish you and your sister the best of luck and please seek out of help...
2006-07-13 18:23:47 · answer #6 · answered by topnotchcouple 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As someone that has been through a rape, and sexual assault my advice to you would just be there for your sister. It was probably hard enough for her to admit that it happened to you. The only thing that she probably wants is for you to be a shoulder to cry on, and someone to laugh with. Treat her as a normal person and not as someone that needs to be protected. You both will get through this, just give it time.
2006-07-13 18:21:32 · answer #7 · answered by J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok for like one minute focus off of you, your isiter is the one who got raped and you are acting like you were in the same room with her but couldnt help her, calm down and think about her,first, she obviously told you this in confience and didnt think you were going to run around and tell your parents or the world like you are doing on here. what i think you should do is let it go, your sister said she is seeing a councelor, she is fine.if she wasnt seeing a councelor then you would have to worry.but she is getting help and getting over this, if she wants to pursue this then yo ucan help her but if she doesnt there is nothing you can do about it.she is getting over it, she doesnt want her parents to know because it is embarrassing, so dont tell anyone, be there for her and ask her if she wants you to go with her to her therapist.be there for her and get over it, there was nothing you caould have done, i mean what if it happened to you at college what would you want her to do for you? think about it.
2006-07-13 18:27:09 · answer #8 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all check out the statues of limitations(the time u have until u have 2 report a crime) so u can put the scumbag in jail n just be there 4 her n help her through her difficult times
2006-07-13 18:17:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
be there for her now by helping her will help you to let people know they should not keep this inside they need to speak up so the creeps that do this can not harm any one else. there is nothing that can be said to make this better I will pray for your family right now that God will bring you peace and heal the pain May God Bless you.
2006-07-13 18:26:00 · answer #10 · answered by jamnjims 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋