Love councelling?

Question

Dear councellor,
I am undergoing a serious problem in my personal life.I will be very much grateful if you could help me cope with this.
I am a boy of 21 yrs. doing my graduation. This is about my love life. I am in love with a girl of my neighbourhood for the past 3 years since we were in school.She is also a graduate student of my age studying at a different college.We were in a steady relationship from the beginning but recently,problems seem to be creeping in out of nowhere.It seems that I have lost all interest in her.Now we seldom meet and I do not feel attracted towards her to such an extent that I have stopped taking her phone calls.She is not so much beautiful and my efforts to make her more presentable and attractive have gone to deaf ears.She is not willing to listen to any of my requests and argues with me on everything.I do not seem to like her anymore and cannot talk to her the way I used to before.But she is still deeply in love with me and I know that for sure.She says that she is very hurt from my behaviors but I cannot help it.Maybe this is because she doesnt want herself to get altered the way I want her to be.But I just want her flaws to be removed so that she becomes the perfect girl for me.Now, because of all this I am thinking of ending this relationship for the good of both of us as I believe that this relation will create more complex problems in the future.But at the same time, I know that she is a very good girl by nature & extremely loyal to me.So,on second thought I am thinking of continuing.So, as you can see,I am at a dillemma.I know her love is true but still I am not sure about continuing as I have lost attraction in her.So, if I continue, after sometime,the same problems can cope up again.I think I will not be able to forget her as this situation has already started giving me sleepless nights.We are both suffering at the same time but still I do not feel like meeting her.But still something inside me is telling that this relation will end up to no good. Again something inside me is telling that she loves me truly, so I should go back to her.I also will not be able to forget her if we breakup. I know that she will not be happy in life if I leave her and I know that her thoughts will come back to me more than often and I doubt that I will be able to stay happy with any other girl as we are stongly emotionally bonded to each other.But I have lost all attraction in this relationship.
Please tell me what I am supposed to do now so that we can be happy in the long run.

Answer 1

Stop trying to change her! If you cannot love her the way she is, then you don't deserve her. She is obviously comfortable with her appearance and that is a very good thing. Try talking to her and telling her how you feel, but be prepared for her to tell you her feelings as well. In any relationship, physical attraction may come and go depending on individual circumstances. This isn't your problem. You both need to discuss what you both want and need from your relationship as well as where you both see this relationship going. No matter what, everything will work out just the way it is meant to.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Dear lover,
I am undergoing a serious problem in my personal life.I will be very much grateful if you could help me cope with this.
I am a boy of 21 yrs. doing my graduation. This is about my love life. I am in love with a girl of my neighbourhood for the past 3 years since we were in school.She is also a graduate student of my age studying at a different college.We were in a steady relationship from the beginning but recently,problems seem to be creeping in out of nowhere.It seems that I have lost all interest in her.Now we seldom meet and I do not feel attracted towards her to such an extent that I have stopped taking her phone calls.She is not so much beautiful and my efforts to make her more presentable and attractive have gone to deaf ears.She is not willing to listen to any of my requests and argues with me on everything.I do not seem to like her anymore and cannot talk to her the way I used to before.But she is still deeply in love with me and I know that for sure.She says that she is very hurt from my behaviors but I cannot help it.Maybe this is because she doesnt want herself to get altered the way I want her to be.But I just want her flaws to be removed so that she becomes the perfect girl for me.Now, because of all this I am thinking of ending this relationship for the good of both of us as I believe that this relation will create more complex problems in the future.But at the same time, I know that she is a very good girl by nature & extremely loyal to me.So,on second thought I am thinking of continuing.So, as you can see,I am at a dillemma.I know her love is true but still I am not sure about continuing as I have lost attraction in her.So, if I continue, after sometime,the same problems can cope up again.I think I will not be able to forget her as this situation has already started giving me sleepless nights.We are both suffering at the same time but still I do not feel like meeting her.But still something inside me is telling that this relation will end up to no good. Again something inside me is telling that she loves me truly, so I should go back to her.I also will not be able to forget her if we breakup. I know that she will not be happy in life if I leave her and I know that her thoughts will come back to me more than often and I doubt that I will be able to stay happy with any other girl as we are stongly emotionally bonded to each other.But I have lost all attraction in this relationship.
Please tell me what I am supposed to do now so that we can be happy in the long run.

....councellor

Answer 3

Okay - first of all I know this is going to be hard to hear but I hope you will read what I have to say. It sounds like you are acting in a very self-centered way here. I'm sure you don't mean to be but think about what you are saying - read back over what you wrote. You want HER to be perfect, you want HER to be more attractive. What about what she wants? Maybe you are not perfect to her.

When you want to be with someone, you choose that person. Don't go thinking you can change them!! Sometimes you can, but most of the time you just can't. If she really does love you, the best thing you can do is be honest with her and tell her your real feelings. The longer you lead her on, the more in love with you she'll become and the harder it will be later to leave her.

You sound like you think of her in such a condescending way. You talk about how she is loyal and also you say that she will not be happy in life if you leave her. Well, you'd be surprised. Give her time to get over you. In time, if your bond is as strong as you think it is, she'll be able to be friends with you.

I know that it's a difficult situation but I really hope that you can be honest with her. You don't seem to be in the position to be in a relationship with her right now - you seem unhappy and unsatisfied. There is just no need to stay in a relationship like that. Go find yourself someone that you are attracted to - and someone whose happiness you care about more than your own - and you'll be much happier in the end. Good luck.

Answer 4

well by reading all this you are a good guy, these things happen sometimes my mums friends were married for years and had kids and eventually lots all attration for each other, there is no point leading her on if you dont have the same feeling for her, she will only get more hurt and waste her life when she could find a guy whom will be perfect for her, same as you, you dont want to be wasting you life on a relationship that is pretty much going no where, who knows if you break up with her have some time to think and some space from each other one day you might relise that she was the one if not then you will find the person who is.
Goodluck with everything and if you do break up with her give her some space she will be angry to start off with but will eventually thank you for not leading her on.

Answer 5

Wow you had a lot to say. well it seems that you should try to get the grove back in your relationship, you may be just bord try surprising her with a night out and then as you are having a good time tell her that you love her with all your heart and that you wont this to work, instead of trying to change her, ask her what you can do to get things back to the way they were because 9 out of 10 she thinks you've changed to.
You may also wont to count your blessings at least she's not cheating on you or something like that. just remember that you love her and try not to cry over the little things, the good ones are hard to find.

Answer 6

regrettably you won't have the ability to information somebody into loving you. Counselling is for couples who jointly choose to reconcile and positioned the previous at the back of them and your husband isn't at that factor, and, unhappily for you, would not at all be. If I have been you i might abandon counselling as quickly as you in all probability can, and back off with the stress. you may anticipate that he's suffering melancholy via fact all of it occurred, yet that doesn't inevitably propose that it is via fact he needs a reconciliation, or that it would artwork out in case you tried. you're in an exceedingly tenuous place, having broken his believe fully, and now and back it won't have the ability to be rebuilt. You do have a sprint leverage in which you notice him on a daily basis, yet i think of that outwardly and visibly you may seem to be forsaking the belief of a reconciliation and basically provide him plenty greater time to lick his wounds. that does no longer propose which you won't have the ability to ultimately, in case you nevertheless sense the comparable way, try a sprint greater gently to seize him back.

Answer 7

pls dont get worried...
i knw ur problem too... just give her my e.mail id i will give her more happines then uu.. mail me [e-mail]