[Reposted] How do I tell my b/f I was sexually assaulted?

Question

me n this guy were making out n stuff, but he ended up sexually assautling me....i tried letting him know i didnt want sex by nudging him and tryin to get his attention but he was toally ignoring me. i didnt want to do it and i let him know, and according to my therapst that shuld jhave been enough. its been a year since it happened, and at the time of the incident i was wit my current b/f. i didnt tell my b/f he had sex wit me....its been a yr and i still havnt said somethin. how do i tell him now? he's going to b mad that i've been lieing to him about wat really happened....and hes gonna blame me for not bein strong enough to take back control when it happened.....hes gunna be suspicious of why ive waited for so long, too.........

Additional Details
He already knows about tha making out part, he's ok w/ it now.
i told my b/f up until the guy started havin sex wit me an my b/f himself called it sexual asasult too....

im not askin 4 ppl to tell me what happened to me, im asking how to tell my bf. answer the question plz

if ya'll must know, ive ebeen dealin wit social anxieety for yrs.....i shouldnt need to say this kinda stuff in order to have this question answered right.....

Answer 1

I am not sure the important matter here is to 'tell' your boyfriend about this, the more important matter is that you get professional help in dealing with the pain you must be suffering from.

Your therapist should be able to talk with you and discuss how best to let your boyfriend know the details of your rape. If he is someone worth keeping, he will understand that you have been victimized and that your decision not to share this incident with him was based on your own pain and coming to terms with this sorrowful turn of events in your own way and in your own time.

Answer 2

If he called it sexual assault, he will think the sex part was assault, too. Tell him you need to talk to him about the incident and that you need some support. Then tell him there was a lot more too it. You've been ashamed to tell him, but now you understand it wasn't your fault. Even if it makes for a rocky patch in your relationship now, there is no way you can continue to have a healthy relationship, feeling the way you do about it, without talking to your bf about it.

Besides that, it will help YOU deal with it tremendously. If he was supportive of the "making out" part, he will be supportive of the sex part, probably even a little more angry with the other guy. Just be open. A relationship you cannot be open in is not healthy.

Answer 3

Well the best way to do it is just tell him straight out. More than likely he'll understand because that is NOWAY your fault. NO means NO. Unfortuantely some guys these days dont' take no for an answer. Sweetie, you may end up having residual effects so it would probably be better to explain the situation before this one goes too far and he wonders why things dont progress. If he's a real man he'll not only understand but he'll help you thru the healing process.

Answer 4

Maybe you should talk to someone else besides your therapist. Of course that "should have" been enough, but like... Um... . when it wasn't.... well, I don't need to finish that thought.

If the "assault" consisted in you not doing more than clearing your throat to get his attention...

Personally? He doesn't need to know. Period. It's not going to solve the problem. It's not going to make your life healthier or better. That's why you have a therapist. You can tell him/her stuff and it helps you heal. Telling every man you love for the rest of your life might help you feel better that there's someone to help share your pain, but once that brief moment is over, then come the problems - Really, I think it's something that doesn't have to ruin the rest of your life. And it could, but MOSTLY by telling every man you love forever etc.

Answer 5

Ur right, how did u let it go that far, u were in denial and actually wanted 2 have sex and played like u didnt. U cheated on ur man, and again ur right, the longer u let it go the worst it will get. Didn't u love him, That's pretty chicken sh*t of waiting this long, but u still have 2 tell him be4 it gets worst.

Answer 6

Well, you are right. He probably will be mad. The sooner you tell him though, the sooner you will get it over with. Since he already knows part of it, just bring up the subject with, "honey, remember when I told you about what happened with that one guy, well, I didn't tell you the whole story because I was {afraid, ashamed, or whatever it was you felt}, but he really did rape me.
Hope this helps.

Answer 7

i am sorry to hear that. before telling Ur bf did u tell Ur parents ?

abt Ur bf take him to a quiet place and explain everything calmly if and tell him that if he was in Ur place what he would have done
i think he will understand u

but u should have told everything from the time u started dating him .i am sorry to say tthis but it is a 50 50 chance that he will understand or not.dont take any tension abt it and just dont think abt it.
take care

Answer 8

First, call the cops on him, your EX. Then, just have an intimate thing, like tell TRUE secrets and all that, secrets that yall have hidden for a loong time, then say, i gotta tell you somthing...& then you tell him. Act all sad and stuff, or you will probably be sad already.

Answer 9

**** off to any of the people who think this is stupid. Its really serious. You should ask him what he would do if you were assaulted. After he tells you, no matter what he says, tell him you were. If he loves you, he will understand. He will probably be upset, but he'll understand

Answer 10

if he raped u u should have told the police. are u shure u didnt want it or is it that u cant live with that u cheated on ur bf. a year is a long time to waite. if i was raped i would have screamed rape really loud the someone tried to hurt me