Her mother does not call or visit and when my child sees other kids with their moms she comes home and is very sad. I am her dad and I know she loves living with me,but I am Dad not mom. Girls need thier mothers. What can I do to soothe her pain?
2006-07-13 16:50:10 · 11 answers · asked by suburbsformeandme 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I'm not sure this is really about needing her mother more than you right now. It sounds like she feels rejected by her mother, and there's nothing that will change that (soothing techniques, stepmother, etc). I'm speaking from experience because I was raised primarily by my grandmother and not by either of my parents. I never met my father until I was 16 and my mother (who got pg with me by accident) was in denial about parenting and shipped me 1200 miles away from her to live with my grandmother.
I missed my mother very much when I was little (you didn't mention your daughter's age, but I'm guessing she's somewhere between 3 and 8). I also wondered why my father wasn't interested in me until I was about 11 or 12.
I didn't realize it at the time, but my grandmother was a far better parent (not to mention person) than my mother or father. It took me until I was in my late teens/early 20s to see that she was the big influence in my life. Today, at 40, my goal is to be more like she was (she died 3 years ago at age 102 and we maintained a close, loving relationship until her life's end) than either of my parents, with whom I have a cordial, but not close, relationship.
My advice - listen to her with empathy and let her share her feelings, even though it might be upseting at first. She needs a safe place to share her pain of feeling rejected and unlike her other friends (I remember clearly at age 4 thinking 'if only I could be prettier...sweeter...smarter...then MAYBE she'd stop leaving me all the time). Ask her questions about how she feels, and show her you understand ('it must be hard for you to see Julia's mom having fun with her when you miss your mom so much. Is that right?)
Don't worry Dad - hats off to you for having the courage to raise your daughter. That you are asking this question shows you love her and want only the best for her. That's more dad than I will ever know. Good luck!
2006-07-13 17:29:52 · answer #1 · answered by Trinaunz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so hard. Do you live by your mom or do you have any sisters? How about any friends that are girls? You might want to check into 'big brothers and big sisters'. Not to 'replace' mom.. but give her a female presence.
I don't know how old she is, so I can't say what you should say to her. But you might want to explain to her that every family is different. Some have mommies and some have daddies and some have mommies and daddies. What makes every family special is that it's made of people that love each other. Explain to her that you know she misses her mommy and that you miss mommy too, but that doesn't mean that you're not a family still. It just means that your family is a bit spread out. :) (I know you might not 'miss mommy' but you probably miss mommy for your little girl, right? So it's not really fibbing.)
2006-07-13 16:58:30 · answer #2 · answered by moonstone150 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i am opposite i am mother with a dad that doesnt pay attention. (unless it involves money). And, it is very hard on a child i know. My two dreaded daddy not showing up at first but you know the more time i spent loving them and doing "suprises" or "our special projects" each day then it just made it all the better and now they ask but not so much. Also, my partner got involved more in their lives and that helped their moral a lot!
i wish you and your daughter luck its a hard thing.
2006-07-13 16:58:44 · answer #3 · answered by vkewl182 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is a step mom on the horizon? (good luck, you sound like an awesome dad)... Are there any aunts she can spend time with? Or friends or neighbors? Also belonging to a church is an excellent way for you to get the support you are looking for. If anything should happen to my husband and I, we both know that our "church family" will pick up where we left off. Good luck to you.
2006-07-13 16:56:57 · answer #4 · answered by Kimmy K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your family dynamics, but if possible you might try connecting her with other positive female role models such as Grandmother's or Aunt's. Perhaps if you a close female friend (do not read girlfriend!) who could fill part of that role in her life. It's important that the person not be transient, so she's not disappointed later down the road.
2006-07-13 16:55:07 · answer #5 · answered by Erica B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Youre wrong. Im a dad and my girls are more attached to me than their mother who is more often at work than home . It all boils down to how affectionate, discipline, firm and tolerant you were in your past dealings with them.Time, patience and love are what you need as youre both mom and dad and youll preservere.
2006-07-13 16:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're a wise mom...keep it up! I actual have always finished an similar kind of issues with my youthful toddlers and they are all older now (4 boys 13, 13, 10 and eight). utilising humor quite works on an similar time as they grow old. keep up the coolest artwork!
2016-12-01 06:15:36 · answer #7 · answered by birchett 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be there when she needs u, talk 2 her more, try 2 understand her. show concern about what she was doing.
2006-07-13 16:59:42 · answer #8 · answered by zhao y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kold them Love them, Pray for them, Give them all of your attention
2006-07-13 16:55:47 · answer #9 · answered by phawk2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
CONTINUOUS RELATIONSHIP WILL MINIMIZE CONDITION
2006-07-13 16:56:58 · answer #10 · answered by ssohdraa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋