My children constantly do things they shouldn't the second I turn my back......Why??

Question

My children are 4 (10/01) and 3 (6/03), I am trying to teach them proper nutrition and boundries. Every single time I turn my back for even a second ( I can't even leave them alone long enough to go to the bathroom) they are in to something they shouldn't be, ie,: fruit snacks, freezie pops, trying to sneak out the front door, trying to get into the medicine cabinet, trying to play with my ipod, camcorder, camera, taking things apart, torturing the cat or dog. I feel as though it is never ending. I have tried many things. I used to think that it was just an attention isssue. But I am a stay at home mom and if they were to get any more of my attention, I would forget to breathe. It is especially hard this summer. We just put up a fence and a swing set and a sandbox and I have to fight with them to go in the back yard! They don't watch too much T.V., we spend tons of time with them. They are given healthy treats (popcicles, yogurt parfaits, fruit cups..). What can I do to improve this?

Answer 1

I see some advocates of violence on here, so I want to start by saying...I'm an old lady. Raised my son and have a grandchild. Before that I was the oldest of 6 kids and the favored babysitter for hire. So believe me when I tell you, spanking does nothing but teach betrayal and violence. One way to solve any problem is to imagine how you'd handle it if the person doing it was an adult stranger. If it is wrong, illegal, etc to assault an adult stranger that gets on your nerves, it is wrong to do that to a child in your own house.
As to the stuff they get into, they are copying the adults in their lives. They are trying things out. Seeing how it feels to touch it, control it, taste it,etc. They like the sweets and it sounds like you have alot of that around. If they can get more of your attention they will. They can't get enough. You are their whole world right now. Soak it in. That has to last your whole life. By the time they are teens, others will be their whole life and you will wonder what happened to your status. So just try to have a sense of humor about it.
Practical steps you can take now is to not have so much stuff laying around that they can get in to or THEY WILL. You already knew that. If you are just grabbing something and eating it, using it, etc. they will try to mimic that behavior because they are practicing to be adults. So, you should do exactly what you are asking them to do, on a schedule or whatever. Be the example and use that fact to instruct them. Use your "WE" statements. We don't, We do, this is the way WE... Treat it like "following the leader". You first do what you want them to do, and you encourage them to follow you. If they are reluctant, sing the song, make it a game, etc. Kids love that stuff.
The fact that you care about doing it right shows that you love them and want them to grow up to be good people. Keep up the good work.

Answer 2

First off...put out of reach everything and anything you don't want them getting into. Second of all, when they do something bad and all you do is tell them no or scold them, they know that's all you'll do. They know your methods of punishment. They know they can do these things and no harsh punishments will come down.

You need to communicate what the punishment is for not listening. Time out, naughty corner, whatever. Since it sounds like your kids are all over, the naughty corner would work well. Yes, I know that it won't work very well at first as you'll battle them to stay there. However, while they are in the naughty corner, don't speak to them. If they leave it, just put them back and walk away. Do this until they park their butts for the specified time. Make it plain that so and so is in the naughty corner because they didn't listen. Afterwards reiterate why they were there and ask for an apology. Follow through on this every time, not just when you feel up to it.

For pointers, watch "Nanny 911" or "Super Nanny" on TV. You'll see how it can work.

Answer 3

Gosh - I hear ya'!!

Mine are 8 (girl) and 5 (boy) and they still do it!! My son is forever sneaking things. My mom once said she would rather him be like that - inquisitive and all - than one of those kids with no personalities, which I guess is true. It is just so frustrating.
I had to put locks up at the top of the pantry door, the sliding door, all exterior doors, the garage door and even bought a safety lock for the fridge/freezer!!!
He actually snuck out of the window once while I was in the bathroom and closed it behind him and went to my neighbors house, Across The Street!!!!! I didn't know it until she called me to tell me he was there!!!
I think we have to thank God that we have healthy, ingenious children and hope that someday this will get better!
Until then keep doing what you are doing and teaching them as much as you can about how you expect them to behave!!!
Good luck!!!

Answer 4

Have you ever seen the show, "The Nanny"? I would highly recommend them for you. (smile) Seriously, you have children who are being children, but at 4 and 3, you really have to set boundaries for them. Your things have to be respected and they must see this quickly or you will not have any thing. What happened to the day when parents would say, "Don't touch" and that was it. Be firm. If you are a stay at home mom, you might want to set up a calendar with time limits and teach them what these limits are. You have to find ways to punish with wisdom when they fight or when they do not honor your requests. They sound as if they need to be around other children also Do you have Playdates in your city? Something like day care - so they can get with other children. They definitely need to get out more. Talk to their physician. Perhaps they can offer some suggestions. You need some time to yourself - that's for sure!

Answer 5

It sounds like you are spending a lot of time with your children and giving them healthy snacks....safety first, I'd go to a store and buy the locks you can put on your doors (and windows if needed) to prevent children from leaving house....perhaps a lock for med cabinet too....Maybe you can make each child a snack box with their picture on it and put 5 snacks in it a day and tell them they each can pick a snack during the snack times.....for the expensive tech gadgets, m/e put all that in a room the kids wouldn't be interested to go into where there isn't a tv or their toys....it sounds like when they go outside, they like to fight for the sake of fighting, so maybe you can get outdoor toys they can both have (like 2 of the same buckets, trucks, pail, hula hoops).....playing with them for 3 min in an activity, then slowly break away, and check in on them......watch the supernanny on mondays...she is great!

Answer 6

Haha, this is what happens when ya bust 'em out 2 in a row, sister! What they're doing is perfectly normal.

Give 'em a candy bar every once in awhile, it wouldn't kill them.
Don't go overboard w/ health food, your teaching them good dieting, not to be afraid of food.

However, it sounds like they're just being little kids. Kids get into everything, whether it's pressing buttons on the VCR or going through drawers. Try designating rooms for 'mommy' and 'kids'....In other words, make certain rooms in your house off-limits so you can safely keep your things in there. [Make sure the kitchen is one of these places] And be stern! They need to learn how to respect privacy and other ppl's stuff.
Be careful when giving them lots of attention, you might be doing more damage than good. Perhaps at some point in the day, you should designate 'mommy' time....Which would mean that you would have to force them off into the yard at certain times of the day, everyday....And they can't bother you about anything aside from an emergency. [This will force them to work things out on their own if they have to] But make sure to keep an eye on them if they're trouble makers. You never know when they may figure out how to get around the fence!

Actually, Dr. Phil is really into this stuff. He's that psych on TV, and he gives alot of advice on these issues.
Try this link, or just use it it as a starting place to look around the site:
http://drphil.com/articles/article/255

Good luck!



[p.s.: Don't spank, its teaching them to not question anything.]

Answer 7

awww...the joys of motherhood....ain't it great??? they are just at that age where they will test your boundaries. and since they are so close in age...PARTNER IN CRIME status!!! it's all about you being consistant. That's all. this may take days before they stop doing one thing. but believe it or not, they will push the limit with you on other things until the day they move out. you need a break!! sometimes your exhaution is sensed by your kids and they are acting out. have someone else watch them. Teenagers need something to do this summer. Have a responsible one come over a few hours a day once a week just so you have time to breathe. Then when you come back relaxed, you are better mentally to deal with the situation!

Answer 8

I say bypass you for being a guy and sticking with the female and both kiddos! I propose, you're very youthful, yet you probably did not run faraway from a extreme-rigidity challenge and that i commend you for that! If the mother and dad are happy with helping out, i imagine it should be an effective concept; she is amazingly youthful. it is totally sweet of you to think about helping her, yet for sure, you do not pick to take great thing about your mum and dad' hospitality. i'd purely take a constrained era of damage day -- like perchance a week? in spite of you experience is ideal for all activities worried.

Answer 9

my 3 yr old daughter is the same way and my 18mo old is learning from her. spanking does not work, and the nose in the corner is loosing it's touch. people are always saying spank them, show them who the parent is and all that crap not realizing i've ( we've ) tried to the best of our ability. i've child proofed 95% of the house but they manage to find the 5 that i don't have done. i'll be watching your answers closely because i want to know how too!! as far as the treats go i can only suggest you stop buying them. that's what i did to end the battle. i don't buy chips, cookies, ice cream or little debbie snack anymore. so there's no more battle. though the few times daddy brings in popcicles they disappear quickly.

Answer 10

That is typical at those ages to get into stuff. It sounds like you need to child proof your house better. I have locks on all my cabinets and even on the door knobs they have covers. I put stuff out of there reach. They definitely need to learn their limits and how to be kind to the animals. At those ages they really test their limits. Redirect them, give them an activity to do while you are stepping away. Give them choices in their activities. But if they are deliberately not listening they need consequences like time out or take away favorite toy. It is tough raising little ones especially when you want to be the best parent you can be. Good luck!