What the hell is wrong with her?

Question

My Mom grew up in the 70's, she likes all kinds of music, mainly what I call "crap". I like Tool. Yea, it's heavy metal, but c'mon, IT'S MUSIC! She says because I listen to them I've become "different" and "dark" I am so NOT "dark" and it's "devil music". WTF, I'm not evil, I'm not any different now than I was before I listened to Tool. Why is she like this??

Answer 1

Because she's you mom. That's the way they are. Parents have a hard time keeping up with their kids and lets face it it would be weird if they did.

I am sure you are still essentially the same person but you have changed at least a little. Parents don't really change they get comfortable and stop trying new things. That's just the way it is. So when you grow and do things like listen to new and different music they see you as changing and becoming a different. Sometimes they forget that the old you is still in there too.

When we are teenagers we grow on many levels and parents have a hard time dealing with it. As we grow we have a hard time dealing with the fact that our parents don't want us to grow. What you have to keep in mind is that you love each other.

I am sure that at her core her concern is not so much what you listen to but your well being. She probably sees Tool, for good or for bad, as some type of sign that there are other issues in your life that she has no idea about and is scared that you might be going down a path that could take you someplace bad. Every once in a while assure her your ok. You might be surprised how far that goes.

Your relationship with your parents is a two way street. They are going to have a hard time dealing with your independence but if you talk to them a little more it might make things a little easier. Give your mom some slack. She might give you a little more in return. The next time she gives you a hard time about your music or what ever else try and take it in stride. Give her a hug and say tell her you love her. I'll bet that will go pretty far.

It's hard being a teen and its hard being a parent, just remember you're in it together. One day it will get easier dealing with your parents. I promise. It might not be for a while but that day will come.

Answer 2

There's no problem with either of you. Listen. It's the duty of whoever is the "younger generation" to come up with music or other forms of expression that irritate the older generation of the time. It's how we bust out of our shells and become 'people'.

I'm of your mother's generation, I think. I grew up in the 60s and 70s; I listened to Cream, Hendrix, Stones, etc. My parents hated it as your grandparents probably did. That's life; it's been that way since God left Chicago and always will be. Don't worry about it.

BTW, having owned a Guitar shop in Flushing NY and being a life long musician, I also have appreciation for newer stuff too and I happen to like Tool a lot. Soundgarden also. My Daughter turned me on to a lot of it and I guess I was more open minded. Don't try to play Rap around me though; it's the best way to witness the breaking of stereo equipment and a man on the rampage.

Answer 3

All parents hate what their children listen to. What's odd is, if you're seventeen, your parents most likely listened to Led Zeppelin when they were in High School. I did. Let your folks say what they will. They're just doing what parents do when they have teenaged kids. Parents and children aren't supposed to get along at that age. Just remember that they really do care about you even if it does make you angry.
If you are a musician, you need to explain to your mother that you listen to all kinds of music because that's what musicians do. By the way, arguing about music, trying to prove that one type of music is better than another is kind of silly. Real musicans may not have a taste for every style of music out there, but they can appreciate the qualities of the music that others will like because they know music. Performing is difficult to say the least no matter what you play, and becoming good at it, and succeeding in the business is like catching lightening in a bottle. There are many different styles of music because people like music for different reasons. Just like your Mom shouldn't go ballistic for you listening to Tool, you shouldn't do the same when she listens to what she wants to. Aren't there more important things in life?

Answer 4

Parents generally feel concern for their offspring, so even if it's inconvenient, she does love you and care about you. Maybe she *has* noticed some change. Others can often see in us what we can't see in ourselves. Still, she may be overreacting because she doesn't understand the music. Why don't you let her listen to some of your music and discuss the lyrics? You can tell her why you like it and what it means to you. You might even ask to listen to some of her favorite songs and find out why she likes them. Dialog is good!

The "generation gap" doesn't exist; it's a myth. The disconnect is with people's perceptions, not their ages. I find many high school students more conservative (resistant to change) than some people I know in their 50s and 60s.

Your mom is a person just like you are, and it wasn't too long ago that she was 17 (just ask her). Maybe you should be asking her more questions and getting to know her as a human being, not just as your mother.

Answer 5

Your mom isn't saying that the problem is the kind of music, necessarily. What she is really trying to say is that she's concerned about your state of happiness. I love Tool, and I am a mom and I also love all kinds of heavy metal, and I am a very happy person. If my daughter (when older) started listening to all that, I wouldn't care. BUT... i would be worried if it accompanied a darker attitude. Obviously, when people aren't feeling too good, they prefer music that reflects how they feel inside. Nothing wrong with that... nothing wrong with your mom being concerned, either.

Answer 6

I don't know what to tell you. I remember getting the same lectures when I listened to Rock and Roll and I am talking about 80's rock. LOL! I was 12. My mom and my oldest brother would tell me it was bad music and trash music and so on and so forth. The ironic thing is, now my mom listens to it. LOL!

You should really respect your mom. Really, she should respect you too and not say those types of things, there are better ways of putting things like that.

Everyone has their thoughts and feelings about those things and she really does believe it's the music that's getting the best of you.
Well, if that is all that makes a person so horrible, then we are all in a deep load of trouble.

Hang in there. Dont be so hard on Mom. Just calmly talk to her about it.

Answer 7

She's just part of a different generation. My mother thinks I'm weird and anti-American because I listen to Italian music (in Italian, of course) and occasionally Green Day. She thinks I should listen to her 70s and 80s music because it's the "real deal." Pfff! Whatever! You like your own music, and she likes her own. Heavy metal was probably not too prevalent in her youth, so it's foreign to her. Just ignore her and believe me--it's NOT devil music! You are NOT dark! Music is music; it doesn't define who you are--only you can do that.

Answer 8

its stereotyping... thats all. Tool and bands like them have a bad rep and parents go by what they hear from other parents. I mean, think of the fact that Columbine was blamed partly because of "devil music". They don't see the fact that they are just using different styles of music and expressing themselves differently.... like she did back in the 70's when her parents thought that the 4 Seasons were the thing to listen to.

'Sides... Carrot Hollocaust is just plain funny!

Answer 9

I think the two of you should have a music appreciation day together. For the first two hours you listen to her "crap" as she explains what it means, and for the second two hours she has to listen to your "crap" while you explain what it means. You'll be surprised what the two of you come up with. And, I'm 45 yrs old, love the crap your Mom listens to and have done this exercise with my own children. We all learned a lot.

Answer 10

Parents know how easy it is for a teen to be influenced.
Think about how many teens have killed themsleves and their parent sworn it was the music. Maybe you have changed to your mother since you have been listening to heavy metal. Ask her and see what she says. If she does say something you don't want to hear prove her wrong by not responding in a negative way.