How to break up after living with someone that you still care for but not romantically.?

Question

I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 years and we have lived together for the last three years. I find that I am no longer romantically attracted to her but really like spending time with her as friends and doing things together. We moved 2000 miles from her family, she has nobody in our local area, we have not been physical with each other for 2 years, and I pay all the bills related to our house and when we go shopping. I am fed up with her not working in jobs that pay her enough money to survive and contribute to all of our bills. It sounds like a lot of negative stuff here but I care for her and what happens to her. I am no longer interested in her romantically and want to move on and find that special person to settle down with. If we never moved so far from her family this would be easy, but I have spent the last year trying to figure out how to tell her because I do not know where she will go. This is not going to be easy. Any help?

Answer 1

man you better sit down and talk with her so she can make plans also. If you weren't so far from her family I would say get outta there. Like a band-aid (just rip it off fast so there's not so much pain). your doing the right thing by stay beside her though. Your going to have to be set in your decision though because she is going to go through the process of denial, guilt, anger, and then acceptance. I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty about the situation. On the bright side she may have also excepted what is about to go down. She just may be keeping quiet also to save your feelings.

If you want to move on and not grow so angry towards each other you are going to have to sit and talk.

Answer 2

Hi Colin:
You sure have a problem on your hands.
It is very complex, and well I am hesitant to suggest anything, but you are reaching out and here goes. I have a few ideas.....for you to ponder over.

Why are you no longer attracted to her?
When you date, dating is to discover if you like, and want to continue dating for a longer period.

Sounds like you are ready to move on. My exhusband years ago was in the same situation with me, and then I got pregnant about 9 years into the relationship by accident! Wham.
So we stayed together, but he just couldn't stand it because he wanted to date and he eventually did. That really upset me.

He finally left me with a 6 month old, and well, I hear you.

My thoughts. Tell her right now that you really, really appreciate her, but that you have to both move on. Set a date for yourself soon to leave. She will do fine. Financially she may have to move back to her family....it is totally up to her. You are not married, you are dating.

Remember that 'Choose carefully, because your choice may become endless', from someone who has had this happen!

luv
Ava
p.s. Colin, I must warn you, this isn't going to be easy. If she is anything like me; very passionate and well, I flipped out and threw things and torn every pictures we owned and was in general a 'mega bxxxx'(for 5 years (sorry) because I really, really was attached to him,) but I survived and actually became a much better person now, and fell in love...email me if you need emotional support for awhile.

Answer 3

Of course it's not going to be easy. That would be a very very difficult thing to do especially in your situation. Romance is important in a relationship.

You two really need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Let her know how you feel. It could very well be obvious to her since you two have not been intimate in a while. She may just be feeling the same way.

I hope this helps. I wish I had a little more advice to offer you. Good luck

Answer 4

well, looks like you have a dilemma.
No fear, help is here.
#1: try to work it out. Spice up the bedroom, try new things. And talk to her about being more aggressive in the career categorie.

#2: Offer to pay her way home, if that is what she wants to do. But you can't continue to live unhappily.

You've proven yourself to be a true soldier. Sticking it out even when things have gone wrong. But a true soldier knows when to back out.

so, do what your heart tells you. Talk to her, it's in a woman's nature to nurture and try to understand her man.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

Answer 5

If she is not the person you want to spend your life with, then you are being unfair to both of you by continuing to live in this situation. You need to be open and talk with her. You may find that she, too, feels in a rut. Maybe she even feels the same way. Honesty is the best policy. Talk.

Answer 6

tell her it is not fair for her to be so far from her family and that it is obvious your relationship is to be just friends which is good but both of you need to move on and find a special person to settle down with then offer to buy her a one way plane ticket home...money well spent

Answer 7

same thing happen to me, just say it , it kinda mean , but the longer you wait the harder it gets for her and you , , its her problem to deal with , thats life that s how it goes, and tough for her, so you still care for her, so keep in touch , and do things together , and when you tell her , make sure she know that you still want that part of your relationship, to stick , becaus eyou care, but that this is how you feel , so what else could you have done, it shows alot that you have waited a year, but it will just make it harder, plus you never know she may feel the same way!

Answer 8

You are living with a freeloader and not getting any sex out of it??? Just say goodbye. You could try to put a spark back into your sex life, but really, it sounds like you have made up your mind already. I doubt being friends will last.

Answer 9

I was in the same situation, She ended up moving home with her Mom, I never did tell her though, our relationship just got very bad and she moved home.

Answer 10

ok listen you need to either tell her to get a job and help out or its over or tell her the truth that ur not romantically in love with her anymore!!