Why are her 2 children openly offended when we hold hands?

Question

we are in our 40's she has 2 children that are openly offended when we hold hands or show any affection towards each other. This is a great woman I have found but I can see a blow out coming if this continues. I have spoken to her & it gets swept under the rug. Would prefer some advice from someone who has been through this or knows how to deal with it. Thanks.

Answer 1

You didn't say how old the kids are or how long the two of you have been dating.

If the mom has had rocky relationships with prior boyfriends or even with her husband, the kids may see you as bringing that back into their lives. No amount of reasoning will easily change their mind. Examples of simple kindness may be the best thing you can do as a start while being sympathetic to what may be going on in their heads.

I definitely wouldn't take it personally. Be happy you didn't have this type of upbringing where a parent was missing (assuming that you didn't) and learn to help them out of their fear to the degree that you are able to do so. Slowly is the operative word though.

Answer 2

There is no dealing with it- she is a complete package and it comes with the children. The children issue can't be changed, children will be children. But HER sweeping your concerns under the rug is a red flag. If she cares about you she should discuss this with you, whether its solvable or not (she can't control her kids and their feelings) she should at least show understanding and sympathy towards your situation. I think you need to express to her (before this builds to a blow up) and discuss how this affects you, how it makes you feel (use I statements, don't tell her what she should've done instead but just tell her how what they did made you feel). If she's anything worth keeping around she will acknowledge your concerns and try to find a solution WITH you. But if she doesn't, you know where she stands... and if this is just about kids criticizing, believe me there will be ALOT bigger bumps in the road later on..

Answer 3

Chances are the kids are seeing you as competition to their mother's affections. The more you hold hands, the more it reminds them. Jealousy.

It could also be a peer pressure thing, worried about what their friends might say, but I somehow doubt that one.

Best thing to do is to talk to the kids. If their mom is there while you talk to them, tell her to let you do the talking. That shows the kids that you actually care about what they think and you care about their feelings.

BUT, if you ask them, be prepaired for a comprimise. If you ask, they will be expecting it. Don't promise what you can't keep or do. But yes, a talk would be good. Also, it lets you know where you stand with them.

Answer 4

probably because 2 kids/teenagers don't want to see there mom and her b//f holding hands kissing hugging because a hand hold leads to a hug a hug leads to a kiss a kiss leads to sex.*eventually*
and that gross to think about your mom doing that i no its natural and all but still ewe what if when u were 12*w/e) and u saw your mom and her b/f kissing wouldn't u be branded for life??

and also maybe there not over there dad and they think your replacing him??
no matter how much u say u aren't u cant convinse something that a kid beleives.

Answer 5

I had a similar situation but it was my kids that were the little jerks. I sat them down and said that I need a life too and that he was a very important part of my life. I told them they just needed to get used to him being around because he was going to be around. After the adjustment period all is well now.

Answer 6

Its normal for d children to get easily offended bcoz it takes time to accept a change.Solution for this wud b sit n talk to d whole family 2gether.Hav patience ,sum people do take time to mould themselves for a change.B4 talkin' to them do ask urself wht wud u do if u were at their place.Ull get an answer n act accordingly.GOD BLESS.

Answer 7

Maybe they're just very protective of their mother. Depends on how well they know you and how comfortable they are with you. Maybe when they see how happy you two are together they might not show the same objections.

Answer 8

mayb her children are offended by both of u guys holding hands coz they are afraid that u might take the place of their father,which they never want to happen.

Answer 9

I wold let it go- just be the nice guy that you are. They are grossed out by their Mom being engaged in a PDA- so what, that's not your problem...I'd let it go, unless they're really rude about it, in which case she should call them on their bad behaviour.

Answer 10

♥ They are just upset that their mom is with someone who isnt their dad...I would really need more details like how long have u been dating... how long ago has their father been gone... how old are the children.... all these are factors in the situation... good luck :D ♥