A ARGUMENT PEOPLE JUST WAN'T TO BRING UP OLD SH?T
2006-07-13 15:23:53 · 21 answers · asked by maniac 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well, it's usually because they are feeling defensive about whatever it they are arguing about. All people do that to each other, at one time or another.
By talking about YOUR past wrongdoing, it immediately shifts the focus from whatever the argument happens to be about, and puts a big glaring spotlight right on you.
Naturally, when that happens, they are going to get a rise out of you. And then, you are the one who is going to become defensive, and then start trying to defend yourself. Do you see how this works?
The next time that happens, tell the person you are arguing with that you would rather focus on the subject at hand, rather than talk about resolved past issues that have no bearing on the current discussion. if they still persist, then tell them you see no point in continuing the discussion any further because nothing is being resolved. However, make sure you leave the door to resolution open, by telling them you would be willing to talk about it again the future when you are both feeling calmer.
Then simply get up and walk away without any further discussion or argument.
2006-07-13 15:40:08 · answer #1 · answered by DG 5 · 7⤊ 5⤋
Because they think that hits your insecurities and makes you feel guilty or like you have no intelligence about some things. --basically to make you feel low and to give them the upper hand of the argument. I hate that!! I just give them an evil look and tell them that I learned from that and that I am not a bad person and that I have a right to my feelings and opinions. Stand up for yourself always but do so in a non threatening manner b/c you will feel better about yourself and if they have a brain they will see how dumb they look. Plus you can remind them that you are sure that they have made mistakes before and tell them that you are not going to bring up their past unless they keep hounding you about yours because that really gets you nowhere.
2006-07-13 22:29:00 · answer #2 · answered by just julie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason is because they are upset about this thing in the past and haven't gotten over it yet. They bring it up during an argument because they are too afraid to talk about things that are important to them unless they are feeling angry and suddenly want to get it off their chest. Sometimes they bring it up to hurt your feelings, because they feel hurt at the time and feel justified in trying to hurt you back. It's called fighting dirty. While agruing, instead of trying to actually work things out, they are trying to make it into a contest and get you to see how hurt they are and make you feel sorry for them, or make you feel sorry for what ever it is they feel you did wrong. And since you aren't responding they way they want you to, they bring up more stuff. So anyway, my advice is to try to keep the argument on topic if you can, listen to what they are saying, realize that they are hurt, acknowledge it to them, and try to figure out what they are mad about. Good luck. I hope it works.
2006-07-13 22:32:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People forgive but don't forget, and the next arguement rehashes the old problems because it is probably showing a pattern of lying, or cheating, or is so similar to what happened before that it makes a point to bring it up to show that you aren't learning a damn thing.
2006-07-13 22:27:37 · answer #4 · answered by kevsnow00 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its because the old SH?T never truly went away or was forgiven. Or, its brought up as an example of the current problem.. or an underlying issue unresolved.
2006-07-13 22:28:05 · answer #5 · answered by SunDancer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
usually to get it all out in the open I guess. you bring up old issues because you did not say what you wanted to say before. Or just to make the argument bigger than it is
2006-07-13 22:26:52 · answer #6 · answered by T.P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because the old stuff has not been resolved and the new issues
remind them of the old stuff. Not a good situation to be in.
Could be also that they hold a grudge. They cannot forget, let alone forgive.
2006-07-13 22:27:47 · answer #7 · answered by Mx2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you did something to destroy the trust in that relationship and the reality is that it will NOT get better. You will be in the same relationship, arguing about the same old **** till you get fed up and bounce!
Its the vicious cycle ofghetto heaven, didn' you know?
2006-07-13 22:36:55 · answer #8 · answered by crystlizm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People sometimes tend to save up old stuff as ammunition for when the next disagreement occurs.
2006-07-13 22:27:45 · answer #9 · answered by JEFFAVEGRL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because they havent forgiven you for the old sh*t
2006-07-13 22:25:13 · answer #10 · answered by sweetnessmo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋