what are some funny dumb blonde jokes?

Answer 1

Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.

Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you?
Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

The second blonde said, "Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but... "He flashed the
photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The third blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

Answer 2

Blonde quickies 1-20


Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: When they're on their backs, they're screwed.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Answer 3

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"


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A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,

"Where did you get that?"
The pig replied,
"I won her in a raffle!"


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A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".


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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!


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Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.


The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,

"I think they could be bird tracks."

The second blonde went to look and said,

"No, I think these are deer tracks."

They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!


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A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,


"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."


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A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"


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A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said

"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied

"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"


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A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Answer 4

Joke#1
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Joke#2
A Russian, an American and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The blonde said,"So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at eachother and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

Answer 5

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Answer 6

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror in the bottom of the pool.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the Ws.

Answer 7

This blind man walks into a bar, sits down, and calls the bartender over:
"Hey bartender, ya wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The woman sitting on his right nudges his arm and says:
"Excuse me sir, I noticed you are blind, but I wanted you to be aware that the bartender has a shotgun behind the bar, and is a blonde, the woman sitting next to you, is a professional bodybuilder, and is also blonde, there's a woman sitting at the table behind you who is a police officer, and she is also blonde. I, myself also happen to be a blonde. Now, knowing this, do you still want to tell this joke?"
The man thinks to himself for a second and replies:
"Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it 4 times

Answer 8

A man tells his Blonde wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.
"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

Answer 9

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "hi, I'd like a cheeseburger, french fries, and a coke." The librarian says "excuse me, ma'm, but this is a library." The blonde says "oh, I'm sorry." And she whispers "I'd like a cheeseburger, french fries, and a coke." (It's better told out loud)

Answer 10

Q:What do you call a redhead between a blonde and a brunette?
A:Translator.

Q: where do blondes come from?
A: a blonde is a redhead with the fire f***ed right out of her!