Tell me the best Chuck Norris joke you know!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I like it I will award you as best answer.
P.S. - I love pudding
2006-07-13 13:49:42 · 15 answers · asked by Brandon R 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea- bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
2006-07-13 14:01:17 · answer #1 · answered by bugs bunny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker with a 2 of clubs, a get out of jail free card from monopoly, a joker, a 7 of spades, and a red 2 from the game uno.
Wilt Chamberlian has claimed to slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this a "slow Tuesday".
Chuck Norris ALWAYS has the right of way.
Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't build up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, then quickly got her pregnat.
Chuck Norris once brought a man back to life twice and killed him three times, because the man had the audacity to die before Chuck Norris was through killing him
2006-07-13 21:54:50 · answer #2 · answered by Lakers for a 3-Peat? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"
2006-07-13 21:01:03 · answer #3 · answered by littlet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chuck Norris' tears can heal any wound, no matter how bad or gruesome it is. It's too bad Chuck Norris doesn't cry.
I know it's not great, but hey, that's the only Chuck Norris joke I've ever heard.
P.S. I love pudding, too. Chocolate pudding.
2006-07-13 21:48:32 · answer #4 · answered by cRaZeEcHiCa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
To get to the pudding on the other side!
2006-07-13 21:47:10 · answer #5 · answered by the_kraftmaster 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the earth downwards (someone said this before on yahoo answers)
Billy Cosby went over to Chuck Norris and offered a Pudding Pop. Chuck said, "No, thanks, Mr. Cosby. I'm trying to stay in shape..." "Ddaaahhh!!! Aaaahhh!!! Bill Cosby shouted and walked away. (this is stupid I know... I was trying to incorporate pudding to this Chuck Norris story because you said you love pudding...)
2006-07-13 21:03:41 · answer #6 · answered by pureessence 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chuck Norris walked into a bar --- Ouch!
J-E-L-L-O Pudding Cups - Yummy!
2006-07-13 21:06:49 · answer #7 · answered by Precious 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q. What do you get when you cross Chuck Norris and some pudding?
A. Brandon's two favorite things.
(OK. I made it up)
2006-07-13 21:27:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman lives
2006-07-13 21:52:49 · answer #9 · answered by Lauren67 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding! not a joke i know.
2006-07-13 20:55:29 · answer #10 · answered by ~Tan~Lines~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋