My 4yr old thinks I'm a joke and doesn't listen?

Question

I have a 4 yr old girl who doesn't listen to me. if I take her out shopping she takes off, talks to anyone and everyone. She won't come back to me and pretends that she is lost. ie, she will go around the corner from where I am and tell whoever is there if they have seen her mum becuase she can't find me, I am standing like 3 metres from her. At home, she does stuff regardless of what I tell her, I have tried the 'naughty corner', a merit system, sending her to her room, taking things away from her, smaking, and nothing works, she just doesn't care. I am at an absolute loss. On the other hand, it is a completely different matter when her Dad is around. She does everything he says. What can I do. I am at the point that I don't want to take her anywhere in case someone snatches her or something, but I can't leave her home by herself. I would leave her with her Dad, but he works long hours and isn't home when I need to go out. Please help. Kelly

Answer 1

Do you jusmp at her every whim?? I know from experience what you are going thru. When my son was that age he would do the same thing. One day My mom and I were shoping and he was with us. He hid under a clothes rack and we couldn't find him. My mom suggested that we pretend we leave the store and say loud enough for him to hear taht we were leaving. He came out and never tried that again.
As for her not minding, when she comes to you and wants something, don't jump as if it were a life or death situation. Try ignoring her for once and see what happens. When she presist, you have to stay firm and say no and stick to it. Just keep ignoring her, Tell her when she can listen to you you will listen to her. She will eventually turn it around.
Stand strong in your decisions on this.Just don't give in because she whines and throws a tantrum. Let her throw one, it won't hurt her.

Answer 2

Wow it seems like you have a real problem on your hands! It sounds like the reason your daughter dissrespects you and acts so angelic around her father is that she rarely sees him. Take up the discipline to a new level if you have to. Tell her that you love her but that if she continues being a brat that you will NOT give her anything she asks for. Don't give into her pleas and if she runs away from you again try putting her in her room for most of the day when you get home. Make clear the reasons she is being punished and ONLY reward her when she is respectful and nice. This is a really bizaar situation... I mean she is so young! If I were you I would go to family counseling or something... Where you can get your feelings out and your young daughter will have to try to explain why she acts the way she does to somone other than yourself. Your overall relationship will be better... Trust me. Also make sure to make the situation clear with her dad. I wish the best of luck to you... And remember to not give in to what she wants, because even if you feel like a bad parent, The discipline is obviously neccesary. Some things that she might say could hurt you because she's used to getting her way. But if she says "I hate you" or something absurd like that just know in your heart that it's just a phase and she difinitely doesn't mean it.

Answer 3

OK,your 4 year old needs to know that you are in control.Let her know who is the boss,enforce rules on her. And for a punishment think of the thing she loves the most, and hates the most,use both and make a combination of the two to create a punishment that she will hate but must do. ex) she loves doing _______,instead take that away and make her do something she hates such as_________. When done something wrong explain that it was not OK and keep doing the same thing over an over to make doing the right thing habit. If this habit won't work,you mite want to try keeping her in her room for a long time until she knows what she has done and explain that you are only doing it for her benefit. To keep her mind off not listing,add her some extra activities such as singing lessons,pre-school soccer,and maybe a day camp session. Getting her a pet can really help,but make sure it will fit your needs.Have her try a day in your life by telling her about your life each day.BUT THE THING TO REMEMBER IS,DON'T LOSE IT!!!

Answer 4

In all honesty I have been there done this, I have 3 and wow. The first thing I did was go look you can't stay by mommy in public and you wander off then your going to have to be treated like a baby. YOU WILL go into the buggy everytime we go out until you show me you can behave properly. Then when she is misbehaving at home, try time out again and be consistent. You did this so your in time out. But you must stick to that. I know it gets annoying at times and it seems from just hearing your situation that your completely overwhelmed by the situation. Sticking to your guns and swat on the butt normally gets around it. Also have you considered having her tested for ADHD or ADD, my middle was doing stunts as you described but also like during a movie couldn't sit still. It is because their little minds are running a mile a minute. He finally was diagnosed after a broken arm from climbing a tree that yes I told him not to climb. lol talk about some time out and butt spanking. Good luck!!

Answer 5

You have heard the 'take control' answers. Kids are trainable, that is true and you can change her.

In the meantime, how about one of those harnesses that you put around your child's hand or chest and the other side you hold; this way she at least can't run off until she learns not to do that.

I wonder what she is acting out against? Any major changes in your lives recently? A four year old is definitely not too young for family therapy. May be worth a try!

Good luck to you!

Answer 6

Does Dad show a lack of respect toward you??? She is either not getting the respect message from you or she is getting a message from someone else that she doesn't have to respect you!!! My Daughter responds well to having her favorite toy taken away (she is 3); my son(he is 7), on the other hand, is a bit harder to control and sometimes needs a spanking. You have to be in control of yourself as well! I don't raise my voice and try to stay calm throughout those types of situations. Once before my daughter was born, my son and I were at a store and he started that crap. I marched him to the bathroom and swatted his tail. He never did that to me again in a store!!! A good parent child relationship has to be established and NO you cannot be her friend!!! You are the parent!!! Good luck!!

Answer 7

She is a strong willed child thats for sure.

You need to be consistent in your discipline with her and have a structured routine, At the store put her in the buggy, if she's too big for the basket part, put her in the back and put your groceries in the front with you.

Also consider head start for her, she's old enough and that will give her some more structure as well as some educators who might be able to help you figure out what works for her behaviors.

Answer 8

Maybe you should try spending time with her and her dad. Get to talking with her, give her a talking to, take things away from her that are special. It's mean, but it works, my parents do that to me. I'm only 12, so not the best answer.

Answer 9

There's something about her relationship with Dad that is commanding her respect. Perhaps you need to discover what that is and emulate it. Also, Dad can help by telling his little girl that she must obey you and stop the shenanigans, or else. Also, is there a chance he is undermining your authority in some way?

Answer 10

It doesn't sound like you command respect. I hope you're not trying to be a friend, instead of a mother. You can't do both.

And yes, with some kids, a spanking is mandatory.