I have a girlfriend who's first boyfriend was abusive and controlling. So by no stretch of the mind shes pretty cynical towards relationships and "doesn't like" dating (she does she's just still bitter). So she insinuates to me that she wants to break up/take a break, so I go ahead and tell her we should. She thanks me for being understandable and starts acting like she did before we dated (giving me the "look", flirting, showing alot of interest, etc.). I figured I should give her time to think things out, be her friend. Recently she started acting even more distant. We were supposed to goto a movie a couple of days ago, & when I called her (only twice) she never answered or called back & I havn't talked to her since. So it's like total abandonment. Look I know it's probably over so you don't need to tell me that, it already bugs me. Im just looking for some explanation for all this (no I wasn't needy or anything like that. She was happy) and some way to get her back.
2006-07-13 12:27:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well, I can't help you get her back. But I can tell you I have been in her place before. I was in a couple really bad relationships in the past and now I tend to make my new bfs suffer for it. I've been with my current bf 5 months and this is the first relationship I have let myself get into in over 3 years. You have to realize that she is still scared. She is afraid that her past will repeat itself. She has to learn how to trust again, and believe me it isn't easy. She will figure it out but in the meanwhle you need to give her a little space if that is what she is asking for....
2006-07-13 12:35:28 · answer #1 · answered by collegebusygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes girls don't know what they want, and they do the "off again/on again" thing without really meaning to. Maybe she likes the attention you give her, so she flirts and shows interest in you. Then when she has your attention, she loses interest and starts backing away. The truth is she probably isn't a good match for you. For whatever reason, she just isn't into you the way you are into her. She probably doesn't mean to hurt you, it's just inevitable.
I once dated a guy that I really liked, but he seemed more serious about me, and it scared me a little bit. We would stop dating, and I would miss him and how much he cared for me (I knew a good thing when I saw it). We would start dating again, but I would realize that I was stronger than him in a way and that I could sort of take advantage of him, and I didn't like that, so I would distance myself again. Eventually we broke it off for good and I found someone who is a better match for me (and so did he). I really liked him, and I still think he's a great guy. He just wasn't the right guy for me.
I sometimes think that if I had met him at a different time in my life--when I was more mature and settled--things could have gone differently. Who knows?
2006-07-13 19:39:00 · answer #2 · answered by happygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she's confused or hurt. Maybe she really meant it when she said she wanted to take a break from relationships. Does she have an email address that you know of? Then email her little notes - be gentle, don't do anything to put pressure on her. Just be available for her, even though that can be hard if she's trying to make herself unavailable. If she IS hurt, then she needs someone to care for her, right? Make yourself that care-giver. And be forgiving.
2006-07-13 19:39:25 · answer #3 · answered by AJK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i went through the same thing and it took me a while 2 get over it and trust the guy i was with, just give her time and she'll come around, if she cares about u like u explained it then shes just trying 2 figure out whats happening 2 her and y shes always pushing away the guy she loves. its very confusing but dont give up on her, keep trying 2 call her and support her, she'll get over it faster
good luck!
2006-07-13 19:36:01 · answer #4 · answered by cool chick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I was one of the ones who told you she has issues and to move on. But if you're really sincere about wanting to know what's going on, and considering whether you should get back, here's my best advice. Ask her if you can talk sometime, maybe go for a walk. Tell her that you've been thinking about her and hoping that she's doing alright. Maybe if she opened up to you about all that she's been through, she may be regretting that...thinking you know too much. Maybe she's embarassed, so she's distancing herself? Only she knows what's going on in her head.
2006-07-13 19:35:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are u sure u wanna get her back?? She sounds hard work to me. Maybe she's just playing hard to get. The best thing to do is to act as if are not interested in getting her back, stop trying so hard, and perhaps she'll come running to you!
2006-07-13 19:33:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
U sound like really lovely boy. U need to find a girl who will appreciate u for the person you are...
This girls issues are normal, and i feel for her, but she shouldnt be bringing u down too.
Just let it go. Dont chase her, if she comes back its your win... if she doesnt its her loss.
Good luck matey
Hope ive helped, even a little! :o)
2006-07-13 19:31:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try again to get a hold of her by calling her or sending her a letter to show her u care. Girls like that stuff, I know becuz I am a girl.
2006-07-13 19:32:12 · answer #8 · answered by jessika c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until she gets closure on what happened before and really wants to be with you..you'll never 'get her back'...at least not mind and body.
Either wait it out...see if she changes or give it up.
2006-07-13 19:31:53 · answer #9 · answered by xxx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give her some time.
2006-07-13 19:32:42 · answer #10 · answered by baby_luv 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋