People that know from experience please help with this???!!!?

Question

My boyfriend and i have been together for almost four years. over all we have a great relationship. We live together and have for 3 years, we know everything about each other, and he has two kids from a previous relationship that live with us and he loves them being with me because I'm great with them. Yes, of coarse, we have had our share of problems but, we have always worked through them. We both eventually want a child together but have agreed that right now just isn't the right time so we are waiting. What i would like to know is do you think he is ever going to ask me to marry him?? I know i love him with al my heart and it grows everyday. he tells me he feels the same way. hes very loving and wants us to all be a happy family. Im just wondering whats he waiting for? we've talked about marriage so i know hes not oblivious to it. what should i do or what do you think needs to be done?? helpful info please.thanx.

Answer 1

Girl I left my supposed boyfriend for some of the same reasons u r asking that question. "Men" today just dont want to committ. They find loop holes and problems from past relationships that wont release them 100% into the new one. Dont allow any man to hold ur dreams up. If u want to get married u make sure thats the right next step for u, and if u r in doubt about his delays then he's probably not being as honest as u think about his intentions towards u as a wife, a family. A family is a unit, and if cannot committ to that unit the old fashioned way then lady let him go and quit making excuses for yourself and him. Thats one thing my mom taught me. Me and my ex- were together for 5 years and even had a child and I am sure he told me some of the same things ur man is telling u. Eventually, u will get tired and move on. Better leave now then to have a child and no marriage and no husband. I hate bringing my son up in a un wed relationship, and yes, he's a good father but I am good woman and I deserved more- a marriage to the husband of my dreams. I am sorry I could go on forever, but I wont... U know what the right thing is even if ur vision is a little distorted

Answer 2

Be patient with him. Being in the same situation as he is but with no person like you in the picture (he's a lucky guy, BTW), he is gun shy about the marriage stuff. Remember, he got married b/c he thought it was love also. The forever, till death do us part, kinda stuff. That was shattered. From the fact that he has custody of his kids tells me that he may have felt like the victim in the divorce. You're doing the right thing. Just keep assuring him and telling him you love him and will be there. Don't give ultimatums b/c he may think, "See. She'll leave me too when times get rough." Then all hope will be lost. He may even go inside himself where you can't touch him emotionally.

However said, I have one suggestion. Have you ever thought of proposing to him? Think about it. The fact that he is responsible for his own kids shows that he is a renaissance man. He's a new breed. He has to be both roles. After 3 years, he knows it in his mind but because of both roles he doesn't identify himself in any particular mind spectrum. Do what a man would do to propose. Take him to a nice dinner or better yet a hike to a place you guys enjoy together without the kids around. Get him in the romantic mood and his mind into the moment. Confess your love for him and tell him you really want to spend the rest of your life together, have children together, and grow old together. When he smiles, get down on one knee and propose. If he askes what's going on or it's not right, explain that you understand that he isn't like any other man and that makes him unique. That's what makes him the man you want to marry. That should do it.

Geez! That idea gets my romance juices flowing. If you do what I suggest, you got to let me know the outcome. Check my contact info. Good luck and I wish the best for both of you!

Answer 3

What incentive could he possibly have for marrying you? Clearly he felt comfortable with the last woman to have two children and no wedding. Right now he has you living with him and raising those same children!

Most men have not been socialized to crave commitment quite the way we have. Everyone fears commitment but many women have been raised to think that marriage will complete them and because of this, their desire outweighs their fear. This is not true of many men.

There is an imbalance of power when one person wants to marry and the other is dragging his feet. This will lead to resentments. Discuss this with your partner. Ask him directly what he is waiting for and let him know that if the two of you have different goals, it's important for you to move on and try to meet yours.

Basically, you are giving him an ultimatum even if you suggest that you move out and take a break from one another until he figures out what he wants, it boils down to the same thing.

Unfortunately by moving in with him and assuming all of the responsibilities of the traditional wife, and mother, your only two options now are the ultimatum or settling for less than you want and feeling compromised.

Try to get off alone for a while and think before making any decision on this because if you go with the ultimatum you have to be strong in your position. If you really want marriage, don't waste your life waiting for him to make the first move. He's had his chance. You think the other gf, when she was in the hospital, having her insides ripped out to deliver his kid didn't want more of a commitment? Unlikely.

I wish you luck, whatever you choose.

Answer 4

He has secured a fabulous free baby sitter~you! What are you going to do about this?
1. How old are you?
2. The children are viewing you as mother, but what does he tell them to call you?
3. How do you feel about ultimatum's?
If you are under thirty years of age you really should be developing yourself through schooling, or learning a trade.
If they are not calling you "mom" then you are just an underpaid babysitter. "Denial is not just a river in Egypt." Time to wake up and smell the coffee. Is this the vision you have for your life?
Supporting some one else's children, life etc.? Why are you even worried about marriage? You are talking about having a child of your own before talking about marriage; has he been married before, or are these children out of wedlock? Time to go ring shopping and set a date or say "Good bye". Three years is a long time to devote to someone elses dream!

Answer 5

You say you've talked together about marriage but you don't say anything about the context of those talks to indicate his feelings about marriage. That would have been nice to know but just the same, from all your'e saying, I would tend to think that maybe it's the children which are holding him back. Again though, you make no mention of the children's paternal mother and/or her role in their daily lives. If she is in fact an active part of their lives then maybe despite how much the children may seem to have adapted to the situation he could be concerned that getting married would not be the same for the children. How they perceive the breakup of their mother and father into just the two of you living together with them is one thing. But he may fear they might see marriage as some finality that could separate them from their mother even more.

Just thoughts without all the information to suggest more.

Answer 6

Be direct. If you have a mature relationship, you should be able to ask questions and talk about what is bothering you. Try something like this: "What do you picture our life being like 5 years from now?" or "When we talk about being a family, do you see us being married somewhere down the road?" or "Do you ever think about the two of us getting married?" If he says that he does, ask more questions: "When do you think might be a good time for us to start talking about getting married?" "What would keep us from getting married right now (or "this year")"

Part of having a "great relationship" is being able to talk openly about most everything, but especially the very important things. You don't have to be threatening or nagging. Just talk.

Answer 7

It sounds like you 2 will actually make it in this crazy world! However, since he does have children he is not just thinking about his feelings...he has them to consider! The kids need to feel like they have a say in the relationship so they will be open to change. Since they like you and you 2 are planning your own children it sounds like it is just a matter of time before he will pop the big Q. However, remember that being married doesn't make or break a relationship. It is just a piece of paper. So, do not put alot of emphasis on that aspect. Just concentrate on today and how wonderful it is.

Answer 8

Don't bring a child into this. If you have to ask this kind of question about marriage there's something wrong. Why is he not willing to commit? It sound's like his last relationship still hurts him. Find out before you even think about getting pregnant You already have a lot of year's with this guy. Let's talk wedding.

Answer 9

You need to talk to him about it. If he thinks everything is great the way it is, he may not realize that you want to get married. I know you said you talked to him about it, but I would really talk to him. I would explain how you feel and that you are not just a babysitter. That you would like to make it a legal family, you know that type of stuff. But, be sure that is what you want and what he really wants before you marry.

Answer 10

I think if he doesn't want to get married now, he doesn't want to get married. I have seen this over and over, the woman wants to get married ,asks for the commitment and he dumps her after he finds a new girlfriend to babysit and take care if his needs. Don't be used! You deserve a commitment from this man, my word, take off the rose colored glasses your helping raise his children by someone else. I would leave if he wouldn't make a commitment and marry me. But thats me. You have to do what you think is right in the end.