is she right to expect an apology? (real situation 2night)?

Question

This really happened
My daughter was trying to work the grill when she was in on her own and the twenty year old cooker dials broke so that the oven does not work anymore.
my Partner (not her mum) expects an apology as the cooker was working before. I told her that it was not my daughter's fault as it was so old. We are sorry that we do not have an oven but thats no reason to take the blame for something.
I did not want to discuss it in the pub 2night and when my partner would not leave the subject I said I would walk off home. In the end I did walk home on my own.
she came home and said that I would regret it.......
any advice please.
x x x

Answer 1

I'm gonna guess that the oven is older then your daughter in which case I think your partner is the one in the wrong, things do break, and it was bound to happen at some point, it just happened to be your daughter, I don't think it is right that she expects an apology from her because it was an accident, not as though she pulled them off on purpose and she should not get the blame, not only that, she is not the mother of your child, and you need to explain that it is not her fault and that she will not be giving her an apology because it was an accident, you need to show your daughter that you understand her and that you are willing to stick up and believe in her, she will trust you more and have more faith in your understanding if she has other problems in life. Also I think that you should stand up to her bad attitudes a bit more, from what you have described her to be, I know people that are very much like her and it could of happened to anyone, ask youself, would she take the blame had it of been her that broke it, the answer probably not, you need to point this out and tell her that you don't ant to fight over an oven, but it is simply not acceptable to blame it on your daughter as it wasn't her fault, and it doens't really matter, its only an oven, if it starts fights then your daughter would of rather have taken the blame for it rather then being the point of an arguement. I hope this helps, and good luck!!

Answer 2

She should apologise for breaking it but she should not be blamed for it for as you say the cooker was old.
The apology is more of a courtesy or a politeness after all it wasn't her own personal property so even tho she is in no way to blame she should apologise

Your partner would not leave the subject which makes me think that she either has a problem with your daughter & really dislikes her or she is trying to take control of everything that happens even down to what you think, she will not give up until you take her point of view

She says you will regret it I suppose that means you are going to pay a high price for daring to think your own thoughts and not blindly agreeing with her.
I think you would be much better off leaving this woman before she gets any more controlling or vindictive or at the very least some counselling both as a family to sort out your daughter & partners relationship and as a couple to try to stop this controlling of everything your partner wants so badly

Answer 3

Its not your daughters fault. its unreasonable to give you and your daughter a hard time for it.

Firstly your daughter probably hates your partner . Secondly, is there more to your partner being so off with you about something relatively minor in the grand scheme of things? Cookers can be replaced quite quickly. You can pick one up in Comet in a day...

I would dig a bit deeper and try to find out why your partner is so angry about something that really, in real life is just life. Cookers and other things break. Nothing is indestructable , relationships included.

Get to the bottom of it.

Answer 4

If your cooker lasted 20 years your daughter did the only humane thing and put it out of it's misery.

It sounds like something else is going on beneath the surface here. A little power struggle perhaps? But to say you'd "regret it" sounds a little extreme. I can't comment on your relationships with daughter or partner but tread carefully and best of luck. Don't take any crap.

Answer 5

So what is the real problem your partner has with your daughter? To get mad at her over an antique grill is insane, and if she is genuinely angry about it, she's insane. It sounds like a case of the wicked stepmother, and alienate you against your daughter. Tell her to get her head out of her butt and that she will not get an apology... and she will be the one to regret it if you leave her.

PS don't try to force your daughter to apologize, because the next time something goes wrong your partner will demand an apology that she may not deserve

Answer 6

She is being a bit of an hot head about it. You did not mention how old your daughter is maybe she was not meant to touch the oven in the first place hence your partner's attitude.

If this is the case then for the sake of peace and good relations let your partner have the apology expected. I think some women can be very sentimental about their kitchen space she may be one of such,

Answer 7

your partner wants to grow up,she should be a little more understanding,and realise that you both should got another cooker a long time ago as at 21 yr old it will be unserviced and dangerous,what u spend in the pub you can buy a new cooker.what if your daughter had an explosion cos of the cookers age,get real the pair of you and get a new one for all your saftey.

Answer 8

Your partner is being unfair. Most ovens don't last that long. She needs to get over it and start thinking about buying a new one. The same probably would have happened if she [your partner] was trying to work it. Don't let her place a blame on your daughter.

Answer 9

If your daughter was told not to touch the cooker in the first place but did it any way then yes i think she should apologise, but if she was old enough and allowed to use it then definetly no, she should not apologise. If the latter is true then I think your partner should take a serious look at her relationship with your daughter and try a bit harder, after all you and her come as a packege!!!! Good luck mate!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

I don't think so. If the oven is old and and parts are prone to break, then that it broke should have been expected. Your daughter just had the bad luck of being the one operating an ancient appliance when an old part gave way.

Your partner sounds very controlling. Does she often make threats toward you or is this a first? Honestly, if this was someone making threats toward me and (implicitly) to my child, I'd get the hell out of that relatonship.