How do I get an almost 5 yr old to listen to me?

Question

My fiance has a son who will be 5 in August. We are constantly asking him to not jump or horse play around our 7 week old son. Every day it is a battle to get him to behave. While he is at his moms, he has no rules. Even when my 3 yr old is here, it doesn't help. (My 3 yr old has the same set of rules at my house that he does at his dads and he follows the rules.)

thersa33- are you even a mom? don't you know that a 5 yr old can kill a child by jumping on him or hitting him in the head?

Answer 1

Ok, let me get this straight. You have a your, mine and ours children situation, and you don't understand why the 5-yr-old is mirroring the chaos that the adults in his life have created for him? If this chaos is to have any chance of working, then stop asking him not to horseplay with the 7-wk-old and start holding him accountable for the rules in your home. Make the rules clear, and make certain that they are always enforced when he is under your roof. Be absolutely consistent, set the boundaries and enforce the rules stringently, otherwise the inmates will always rule the asylum. If your 3-yr-old knows what the rules are and follows them, then the 5-yr-old can do it as well.

Answer 2

He's 5 - he's gonna wanna play around - whether there is 7 week old baby there or not! Why can't he play around the baby - is it gonna break if the 5 year old bumps into it? Try having your husband spend some alone time with him every once in a while to let him know that he is still special - he's probably acting out as a way to get some attention from you two.

Note: As a matter of fact, yes I am a mom. All I am saying is that your baby will not break if he is bumped by your 5 year old step son - I'm sure he doesn't even come close to jumping onto the baby's head, you are just a little too nervous about that happening.

Answer 3

You are going to have to make sure that you are consistent. You can't worry about what he does at another home. Children in my classroom behave for me even when their home life is chaotic. Kids need a routine and limits. To know that they are loved and cared for.
Many people think they are being consistent but most are doing a lot of yelling. Don't yell. That feeds the fire because some attention is better than none at all. Talk in a calm voice. Tell him what you want and the consequence if he doesn't do it and the pay off if he does. Then stay there and make sure you follow through. Dr. Phil has a great book and so does Dr. Dobson. You can find them at any book store.

Answer 4

Thats tough because if one houselhold is not enforcing any rules and the other trys to its a battle. I would keep being firm about it and maybe discuss it with his mother too, that may cause some issues but something has to be done. Try sending him to his room for time away from the baby and tell him thats why hes there and he can't be around the baby.
Have you tried to sit with him and show and explain how gentle they are and the damage he could do? I'm sure you have but if not maybe it could help. Good Luck, I feel for ya.

Answer 5

My daughter has a five year old and what works for her is sitting him down for a serious talk, explaining why he needs to listen to her and if the behavior continues, she warns him that she will be taking his favorite activity away from him and follows through. It takes persistence and constancy. He slips every once in a while, but she continues doing the same thing and he very rarely does not listen to her. Everyone praises her for doing a great job with raising him and he is a delight to be around.

Answer 6

Time-outs work WONDERS. No fooling. The next time he does something outside the realm of good behavior, its into a time-out chair. Next, it's time to take the privileges away - and every single time you punish him, explain in very simple terms why you're doing it. It will eventually sink in, or his butt will get really flat from sitting in the chair ALL the time.

And while in the perfect world it would be nice if he listened to you all the time, maybe he needs to get hollered at by his father a few times, you know?? You need to be backed up by DAD as well as by his natural mother, otherwise nothing in the world will work.

Answer 7

You need to talk to him.
Ask him why he does it.
Explain the harsh, scary consequences of his actions for the BABY
(Maybe even tell him how you feel, if you think it'll work)
make him realize that you are the parent and stop trying to be his buddy
otherwise he'll grow up thinking that it doesn't matter how much he misbehaves because in the end, everyone still loves him
yeah you probably need to be harsh
but you got a 7 week old to think of

Answer 8

Well I would suggest you crab his TOTAL attention explain why you are upset with him, leave it at that, next time get his attention (make sure you holding eye contact with one another) and send him to an time out area. On the third time for the day give him a spankin, to get his attention. For the rest of the day you will jus have to remind him. Consistancy is the KEY!!!!
Good Luck

Answer 9

Do whatever you have to do to get things under control. I know how much harder it is when they get older. In my case it was my deceased husband's parents who had no rules gave them anything they wanted when they wanted it. Now with my children I have taken charge. Do make eye contact with him, take away his favorite thing, use time out and make him tell you why and say I'm sorry for whatever he did. It is going to be hard but hopefully you have the support of your husband. Good luck

Answer 10

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