can somebody please tell me a good joke?

Answer 1

Ok, ill try..

There is a wife and a husband. One day, the wife discovers that the garbage disposal is broken. She asks hre husband:
-"Honey, will you fix the garbage disposal?"
He replied:
-"No-what do i look like? Tom the plumber?"
Then the door is off its hinges.
-"Honey? Will you fix the door?"
-"No. What do i look like? Tom the repairman?"
Finally the grass need to be cut.
-"Honey, can you cut the grass?"
-"No. What do i look like? Tom the yardboy?"
Well, the man leaves to go golfing and when he returns the lawn is cut, the door is fixed and the garbage disposal is running.
He asks his wife:
-"Who fixed all this?"
-"Oh! Our next-door neighbor John. He's really nice."
-"Did you pay him?"
-"Well, he said I could make him brownies or have sex with him."
-"You made him brownies!"
-"No! What do i look like? Betty Crocker?"

Answer 2

ROFL read this one...

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the men's room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the men's room door, it was "OCCUPIED". The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside.

The buttons were marked "WW, WA, PP and ATR". Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.

He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW, the women really have it made!".

Still curious, he pressed the button marked "WA" and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world!

The button marked "PP" yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear.

Well, naturally he couldn't resist the last button marked "ATR". When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse.

When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!"

The nurse replied, "Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the "ATR" button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover... Your p*nis is under your pillow!"

Answer 3

Put A Rubber O The End Of Your Stick

A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children.

A blind man joins them after a few minutes.

When the bus arrives, they find that it is overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him, "Why
don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!"

The blind man replies, "If you would've put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!"

Answer 4

Here's my favourite, hope you like it:

The SAS are recruiting a new agent. They find three volunteers and they go to the SAS base. An SAS Officer tells them what they need to do to qualify as an agent.
"In the room in front of you, there is your wife, on a chair. There is a gun of the front of her, take that and shoot her."

So the first man goes in, and there is no noise for a minute, then he comes out and says,
"I can't do it, I can't shoot my own wife."

So in goes the second man, and after two minutes he comes out, and says,
""I can't do it either, I can't shoot my own wife."

So in goes the third man. There are bangs and loud noises coming from the room. After 10 minutes, he comes out sweating and red in the face and says,
"The gun was filled with blanks so I beat her to death with the chair."

FUNNY, EH?!

Answer 5

Your mom's so loose, it's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

<3,

Answer 6

Ed: Hey Fred did you know that when cows lie in the pasture it is about to rain?

Fred:Don't cows always lie in pastures?

Ed: No.Usually they tell the truth :)

Answer 7

short- what do you call the sweat between dolly partons tit's?
mountian dew.

long-three women marry three brothers. all three brothers are named leroy. everything goes well until one year later at the family reunion when everytime one yells leroy all 3 brothers answer. girl one says "let's give them nicknames". girl two says "that's a good idea, how about we name them after sodas?" girls one and three agree. after a little thought, girl one says "i'm calling mine mountian dew cause all he wants to do is mount me". girl two says "i will call mine 7 up cause when he is up it's 7 inches". girl three continues to think then says "i know i will call mine jack daniels!" girl one says "you can't call him that, that is a hard liquor". girl three says "THATS MY LEROY!"

Answer 8

Why did the chicken cross sthe road?

Answer 9

What did the fish say when he swam into a brick wall?

Dam!
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How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?




Hey.... wanna go ride bikes?

Answer 10

Your face! Ha!