make me laugh?

Question

that's right! having a crappy day and would love a good laugh to make things lighter! give away 10 pts to the best answer!

Answer 1

Things not to say to a naked guy
(giggle and point!)
Are you cold?
At least this won't take long.
But it still works, right?
Can I be honest with you?
Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
Do you take steroids?
Does it come with an air pump?
Every heard of clearasil?
Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
I didn't know they came that small.
I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
I never saw one like that before.
If you get me real drunk first.
It looks like a night crawler.
It looks so unused.
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
It's more fun to look at.
It's ok, we'll work around it.
I've smoked fatter joints than that.
Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
Never mind, why bother.
Oh no, a flash headache.
Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
This explains your car.
What is that?
Where's the rest of it?
Who circumcised you?
Why don't we just cuddle?
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Wow, but your feet are so big.
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Your big gun is more like a BB gun.

I found this the other day and it just cracks me up lol... hope you enjoy it!

Answer 2

The thing about terrorists is they all look alike. You can't go over to Iraqistan with a composit skech. You ask one guy and he'll be like "I have seen him here, and here, and here. I am him who you are looking for".

or

I am having a hard time remembering who we hate in this country. I know we are supposed to hate Iraq. That's okay. Then we're supposed to hate gays getting married. I don't see how that affects me. Heck, maybe that will make my street look better. But the Catholic church came out against them completly. I'm thinking "don't you guys have some problems of your own?" If judgement day is anything like the DMV with different lines for what you did I would rather be in the gay people getting married line than the I touch little boys line.

Hope this helps!

Answer 3

Having a Bad Day????


The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00.


At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.


Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.

Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm two places.

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.


STILL think you're having Bad Day????

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany.

Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death by the pigs.


What?? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.

It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it.

Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling better????

Answer 4

A blonde calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard.

None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's the picture of?", he asks.

"It's of a big rooster", she replies.

"All right," he says, "I'll come over and have a look."

When he arrives, she thanks him for coming over and leads him over to the kitchen table where she has it laid out. He takes one look at what she's been struggling with and says, "Oh, for heavens sake, put the cornflakes back in the box!"

Answer 5

bad things to tell a cop.

1. 'do you know how fast you were going there?' UMMMM im pretty sure i broke 150 at that last light....
2. 'hey, wanna suck' HE WRITES YOU UP 'great, all the cops in la and i get the only straight one'
3. 'do you know how many traffic laws you just broke there?' Was that before or after you started following me?

Answer 6

>It was my first time ever
>And I'll never forget
>I'd do it again
>Without a single regret.
>
>The sky was dark
>The moon was high
>We were all alone
>Just she and I.
>
>Her hair was soft
>Her eyes were blue
>I knew just what
>She wanted to do.
>
>Her skin so soft
>Her legs so fine
>I ran my fingers
>Down her spine.
>
>I didn't know how
>But I tried my best
>I started by placing
>My hands on her breast.
>
>I remember my fear
>My fast beating heart
>But slowly she spread
>Her legs apart.
>
>And when I did it
>I felt no shame
>All at once
>The white stuff came.
>
>At last it's finished
>It's all over now
>My first time ever
>At milking a cow...
>
>
>
>GOTCHA!!

Answer 7

hey im sorry you are having bad day jpke let me see um...ok what r 3 words a married woman does not want to hear while having sex? HONEY IM HOME corny huh ok ok let me see um....how much does it cost to kill jrule? 50cents well im not good at jokes but i hope i brought a smile to your face. cheer up

Answer 8

Your mama's so poor, her car breaks down more than Mariah Carey!!! I hoped you laughed at that!