Hypothetical Situation - Premarital sex- Why would God want you to suffer?

Question

This is a hypothetical situation looking for some interesting discussion. Being Wiccan, I see nothing wrong with premarital sex. However, I once thought about the situation where a person was having premarital sex with the person he/she planned to marry. Then he/she became a born-again Christian. Wouldn't he/she then be required to cease having premarital sex? Next, let's assume such a decision to alter both religion and sexual practices (two big issues when it comes to marriage, no doubt) causes the partner to leave him/her. We are left with a person who is no longer sexually/physically satisfied and is alone and also no longer emotionally satisfied. Would this really be what God wanted for them? To be alone, depressed, and rejected? I have wondered about this situation often, since I sometimes feel (and yes, this is my opinion) that at times, Christianity causes sorrow and suffering for it's adherents.

You are exactly right, life isn't about sex (or is it.. I guess you do need it to create more life). This discussion, however, focuses on a very narrow topic- sex, not life or religion as a whole.

Also, for this hypothetical situation we are assuming the two people were/are truly in love and that the partner who left wasn't just in the relationship for sex. It is not just the sexual practices changing, but also the religious beliefs.

Answer 1

First off, if you read the Bible, you will find out a few things pretty quick. God likes to make people suffer. Personally, I think it's just a sadistic sense of humor.

Here's something you can do at home. Read the Old Testament sometime and count the number of people God sends His minions out to kill, torture, rape, and plunder. Count the number of times "righteous men of God" get the order to unleash Gods cruelty on the world straight from Him.

Why should sex be any different? God makes it a wholly pleasurable activity, then turns around and says it's a sin. Then He goes on to make laws governing it, creating punishments that range from threats of eternal damnation to death by stoning for various sexual acts. In Deuteronomy, God actually outlines under what circumstances a rape VICTIM must be stoned to death for having engaged in sexual activity.

So, I would have to say, based on Gods sadism and cruelty, that if He can make someone suffer by ruining a relationship, creating an unsatisfactory home/sex life, and by creating self-doubt (in the form of the usual self-pity that occurs when people break up), He's going to be all over it!

-SD-

Answer 2

Just the opposite.

One, sex does not have the great emphasis that you're putting on it in actuality. We are not creatures dependent on sex, it is subject to us and we keep that desire under control (in most circumstances). To answer the first question, yes, the Christian would (should) stop having premarital sex. Just like if an alcoholic, a drug abuser, or any sinful person came to Christ and wanted to truly follow Christ, then they would have to give up the lifestyle of sin, no matter what the sin is. Because premarital sex is sinful, that would also cease. If that decision caused for the other person to leave them, then so be it. Everyone that comes into anyone else's life is there for a reason, as well as not there for a reason.

I know a lot of people who have become dependent in a relationship and they turn towards their significant other to complete them and to fulfill their desires, instead of turning to God. So while being single is sometime lonely and sorrow filled (I know from experience), it can also give you more time to devote to God and gives you the opportunity to give Him your whole heart (something else I know from experience).

For example, the car I had before my new one now, it was a 97 grand am and not the best of cars. I had problems with it about every 5 months. It was old; I prayed and prayed for a new car. Did I get one? Nope. Not for about 3 years, maybe 4. I kept praying though. Either way, the new car that I have now, I've had for two weeks and I wonder if I would love and appreciate the car now, as much as I do, if I wouldn't have suffered so much in the other one.

I think the same can be said about a partner. If you never have experience loneliness, can you really, completely experience fullness, not knowing what the other is?

Curtis

Answer 3

christianity isn't the only religion that does not condone sex before marriage. so does islam, judaism, budahism and just about any other that i have heard of. if the seperaton is caused by lack of sex, then what else did they have in common besides pleasing the body. the one who became a born-again christian has to look to God for a replacement, he will do it. pray that God will send a fellow worshipper his or her way, one that understands God's way. one shouldn't look towards just one person to fulfill their life,God has made many people available to fill our lives. we just have to put ourselves out there and make ourselves and beliefs known. one may be surprised at the attention they would get. so, as i said at the beginning, christianity is not the only religion to not condone premarital sex. so, christianity does not cause sorrow or suffering to the people who practices it. these are a part of life.

Answer 4

You don't have to end up sexually unhappy and depressed and alone and an emotional basket case just because you aren't having sex! I have been in a relationship with the same man for nearly 20 years. We once lived together, and then I became aquainted with and associated with Jehovah's Witnesses, and we changed. We no longer lived together, and no longer had sex. We drifted apart, but not because of the absence of sex. Some years later, we both moved in with my elderly, ill mother to care for her, and we remained celibate for the three years we were here and mom was alive, and when she died, we still stayed celibate until we married last October. We even had a child together, and we remained celibate after we acknowledged that God's way was the right way, and not HARMFUL to us! There is nothing...NOTHING that God asks from us that is not beneficial for us, and none of it is harmful. Morality, abstinence, values...there is nothing in these requests from God that would make us blow up, or commit suicide, or have a bad life~!!

Answer 5

doing God's will does indeed often cause sorrow and suffering for its adherents, kind of in the same way that schools cause some sorrow and suffering for students

but this is only a short term problem as God has long range plan for us

it would be like being hungry on a ship that was taking a 3 month journey with no possibility of resupply

now you may want to eat all the food in the first week, the captain of that ship knows that if he lets you eat it all, you'll be starving soon and the journey will fail

as christians we understand that what we want and what we desire at any given time is largely irrelevant, and we put our trust in God that he will see us through to his promised destination

Answer 6

We spend so much of our lives desperately seeking to avoid sorrow and suffering. The reality is these things are there, and will come to us. Life needs to be about more than simply running the dolorous obstacle course, as though our purpose were merely to avoid suffering. It has to be about setting a course, and sailing for it - through whatever comes.

The fact is that sex can - and not infrequently does - result in babies. Raising a baby is a twenty year project, and takes almost a complete investment of two peoples' mental energies; as a grandparent I can tell you what an enormous commitment this is.

It really is best for people to try and limit their use of sexuality to the one situation that allows the parents to focus exclusively on their child, and not on themselves. That situation is marriage - which in its ideal state, is an environment of safety and sanctity for the children who come from it.

Now, I'm not all hung up on condemning single mothers, people who have had sex outside of marriage, or anyone really. Single mothers are the most amazing women I have ever met, hands down.

But I do recognize that the ideal state for sexuality is in a situation of total trust, where man and woman are enhancing their unitive bond in a state of complete safety and solace, a state that is not just open to procreation, but also one where the people involved have come before God and formally invited him and his blessings into the very marriage itself - "the two have become one flesh", as Jesus said.

That is the angle we come from; Christianity is not focused on finding ways to avoid suffering, as instinctive as that may be. It is focused instead on navigating the best course to eternal joy. That does not always come without hardships...

Answer 7

Wow, heavy thoughts; I can only say that everything is in a constant state of flux/change! We also have freedom of choice (whether for good or not so good) and being forced to choose between ANY religion's little idiosyncrasies is the pits; I consider myself a christian, specifically, Roman Catholic, but non-practicing(meaning I don't go to church, but still pray), I try to follow the commandments and I don't think "thou shalt not have pre marital sex" is on there; these "laws" are actually written by man, who is fallible; I consider them more as "guidelines" then actual "Gospel"....

Answer 8

God's will is ultimately for us to be happy. TO link ourselves to someone who only loves us for sex, isn't really to be satisfied at all. That is why God asks us not to make a decision of marriage lightly. Sure people make mistakes, but God is willing to throw those mistakes as far as the East is from the West if we ask him. At one time, I did not think I loved my husband, and he didn't think I loved him. We both began to pray together for our marriage, asking God to give us wisdom, and patience, and renew our commitment. I can say that after our prayer times my husband and I feel closer than ever and have seen new sides of each other - in a good way. We could both feel God changing our hearts and bringing us back to the way he intended our marriage to be - happy, fulfilling, joyous, and even sexual.

Answer 9

Personally if you and your partner really love each and have a special bond is it so wrong to wait for the right time but in this world today sex is so overrated and most christians don't abide by God's way to wait until marriage and it shouldn't be this way.

Answer 10

Sex is the smallest part of a relationship, unlike society would have you believe. While God intended it to be fun and enjoyable, He intended it to be in the context of a commitment. Everything you do, with the exception of sex is outside your body. (I'm not talking about taking things into your body.) I'm refering to the fact that your sexuality is a part of who you are, mentally and physically. When you lay this very precious part of your self open to be used and abused by all those who its given to, you expose and damage your self a bit more each time.
Ever wonder why crimes of passion are so strong? Why people can plead insanity as a defence? Because when this aspect of your psyche is attacked, maligned, rejected, dismissed as un-wanted or un-important, there is no way for it not to affect you directly, and no way for it to be a positive experience.
God, in His wisdom has asked us to refrain from this, much as a parent would, in telling his kids not to play in the street. He did it because He cares about us, and knows that this is not a little thing to be offered casually to any and all who come by.

Answer 11

Take for example the couple that doesn't wait for marriage...
If they break off the engagement they have all the pain and hurt of breaking up with someone they've given their body to. If they marry they have the jealous thought that their spouse didn't wait so how do I know he/she will be faithful to me.

The Bible says that while we were yet sinners, Christ loved us and died for us. God loves even his "enemies" and wants the best for them. God never gives you a rule to cause pain and suffering. He always has a good reason behind it.