I am super happy with my married life. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for a year and a half. We plan to get pregnant next year.
I don't want to be a wife that neglects her husband when her child is born. I want to have a baby and establish a routine so we both feel more comfortable with a new baby in the house.
After that I want to spend one night a week alone so we can do things alone. And I want a set time everyday when we can spend quality time together without a baby.
Someone told me a selfish mother would do this, but I love my husband and after our children and raised and have moved away I still want to be married, so its important to me to make sure we find ways to bond and remain close.
I still want to be husband and wife and not just mom and dad. That to me is the most important thing in a family, its what keeps a family together!
How do you find ways to focus on your spouse and remain a happy couple?
2006-07-13 07:18:07 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
99 percent of marriages end not too long after the baby is born.
2006-07-13 07:22:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
I think you have all the right ideas - especially the one about time alone together. Remember that it will be difficult to keep the focus on him once there is a new baby. And it will be at least 3 months before there is any kind of routine. The main thing is your desire to remain close - don't forget that and you will find ways to make it work.
My favorite is to set one night aside every so often that is just "his night" and if he wants to go to dinner, or take a bath together, or just watch a movie together, and more stuff later, it's up to him. Dads feel left out a lot when there is a new baby.
It's smart of you to plan your family the way you have - giving your marriage a good foundation before you introduce another person. I had an accidental pregnancy the first year I was married- not a good idea!
Just remember that there will be some days you will be tired and he will not understand, and some days when you wish you didn't have a child, but they will pass, and get better and better.
2006-07-13 09:19:40 · answer #2 · answered by MamaMia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dealt with this just a few short months ago: My husband and I have been married for 12 years, almost 13. We have always been by ourselves, come and go as we please, never have to worry about anyone else. We found out that we were pregnant last June. We had always wanted a baby, but never stopped traveling or any of the other things that we liked to do to focus on why we weren't getting pregnant. My greatest fear was not having that special bond once our baby arrived. Since she has come into our life, we are much more loving with each other and feel that we have a greater purpose. It has only strengthened our love and bond. It has been the best thing we have ever done. A lot of times we have to put her needs first, but it never feels like a sacrifice.
2006-07-13 09:32:50 · answer #3 · answered by jacqueline 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you retain a life for yourself. I recommend keeping working and finding quality day care. My son is now 9 and doing fantastically. Don't believe all those stories about day care hurting kids. I have worked since he was 3 months and so I am not just a Mom, I am still a wife with a life of her own. Don't be afraid of leaving your child with appropriate others so you can have some quality time alone. Your child deserves the best from you, but that doesn't mean that the child becomes your life. Soon enough he will want to be with his friends more than you and you will have even more time alone together. Good luck!
2006-07-13 09:30:40 · answer #4 · answered by robynetta1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you guys really love each other, a baby will only bring you closer. Thats what my daughter did for my husband and I. We have always loved each other so much but i am more closer and love him even more when i see him being such a wonderful father. Most of the time when we are alone together after the baby is in bed we spend talking about the baby and what she did and we end up joking "lets go wake her and play with her".
It is always good to set aside time to spend quality time alone but sometimes it isnt practical and not often enough. Dont let that get to you and make the most of the time alone and when you dont have time along, you can still have a great time as a family. After my daughter was born whenever i would say "just the 2 of us" by accident and then correct it to "just the 3 of us" it always makes me smile. Dont think of your baby as something that is going to take time away from your life together or something that is going to come between you 2. Its your baby, part of both of you, it will bring the 2 of you closer than anything else in the world can.
Lastly, once you are a mom and dad, you are always a mom and dad and there is nothing wrong with that!
2006-07-13 19:04:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 4 years. We did everything backwards and had the baby first and then got married. It is a constant work-in-process for my husband and I. We agree to disagree. I give it all I got everyday, because I love him and my kids. Your life definitely changes once kids come into the relationship, but in a good way. Children are half of you and half of your spouse. If you love each other as much as you say, you'll be together forever. And don't listen to the people who say you are selfish for wanting to stay close to your husband they don't know what they are talking about.
2006-07-13 07:30:23 · answer #6 · answered by geewhizbaby2008 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may be surprised by how your feelings change after a baby. Our first child only brought my husband and I closer. We both got so much joy from spending time with her. We didn't long for big romantic evenings by ourselves. We were happy to stay home and play with the baby or go for a walk as a family. We still try to get out for dates every once in awhile but certainly not once a week now that we have 3 children.
2006-07-14 04:36:33 · answer #7 · answered by Suzanne 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a handle on what it will take to stay close to your husband. The thing about being a mom is you would rather stay home with your baby than spend a night out worrying about how the baby is doing. At least that is how it feels for the first several months.
Ask your husband "in a perfect world, how would you like our life to be like after the baby?"Maybe between the two of you, you can make that perfect world. Good Luck
2006-07-13 07:33:57 · answer #8 · answered by tobinmbsc 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
not to be mean but thinking you are going to be able to get away from your newborn once a week is a joke. and trying to be alone when the newborn is asleep is a joke too. they don't sleep very long when you aren't holding them. and really i am not trying to be just being realistic for you. i have gone thorugh this. my son is a toddler now and we still don't get any time alone. which is okay. we have just learned that we are ALL a family now. not just me and my husband. and when we first had our son it was a little difficult for us because my husband was jealous. i was breastfeeding so the baby always wanted to be with me and my husband didn't understand why the baby needed so much attention. but now everything is ALOT better. it is going to be hard and stressful for a while believe me. it is for everyone. just have him help you with certain things. chaning the baby bathing and if you are breastfeeding pump some milk so he can feed and if you are formula feeding them let him help you feed the baby. i don't want to sould like a witch but i have been through all of this. don't get offened by anything i said i am just being honest. everything will be okay though. you will be a bigger and happier family. good luck. babies are the biggest blessing even though at 3 am with no sleep at all it doesn't seem it. cherish it because it goes by so fast.
2006-07-13 07:27:57 · answer #9 · answered by tiffany228 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You just have to make time for each other, every day. It may mean losing some sleep, but oh well, you can sleep when you're dead! We make sure we are always on the same page as far as the kids are concerned and we do make time for each other. We take one vacation a year that is just for us. The kids go to grandmas. We have been married 10 years, we have 2 children and are more in love than ever.
2006-07-13 07:24:40 · answer #10 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like you're trying to plan everything out too much, when you have a kid it isn't going to always go that way, just take it day by day, get a babysitter some nights, spend time with your husband when your baby is asleep. if he doesn't have jealousy issues then you two should be fine, i have twins (4 months old) and me and my husband are great. other women will say stuff like you're selfish cause you want to spend time with your husband because they are stupid and consumed with the idea of being a mother. trust me when i say even your little baby will get frustrating and you need some time alone.
2006-07-13 07:24:51 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋