ok here goes. i have a son whose 28 and back on cocaine. stoled his dad's wallet lost his son. any advice?

Question

he has been fighting for custody for his son, the love of my life. missed his court date yesterday and she got full custody. then he steals 200.00 from his girlfriend and blows it up his nose. i put him in treatment when he was 18. my only thought is i will never be able to see that beautiful boy and i am just dying inside. help!!!!! i just want to give up with him. he has hurt his family so many times. i am to the point of kicking him out of my life. he is my only son and i have always been there for him, but, now i don't know.

Answer 1

ok mom i no exactly what you are going through my baby son did the same all except it was crack ,trust me i no the night mare you are living and the pain in your heart but you cant give up on him ,i dont no about where you live but the police here wouldnt help me at all i even knew where he was getting it but still no help unless he committed a crime ,he lost his 3 children i havent seen in a yr now along with this he lost his new home and every thing in it ,he had a bad car accident and was on the streets with no where to go and nothing in his life but pain i agreed to let him stay with me no drinking and no drugs or he would be right back in the street and i told him if he turned his back on me and direspected my home i didnt care if it was 40 below 0 and snow on the ground he would leave here ,i went and talked to a drug councilor about him his advice and questions to me was is the family calling him crack head and making him feel like he is nothing and not as good as them my answers were yes he said that is your first problem and it needs to stop say positive things to him im sitting here thinking ok he is a drug addict and you wont me to praise him couldnt understand where he was going with this but anyway i did as he asked i told my son you have nothing now you have lost your children and if you have one ouce of man left in you straighten up and get your family back you dont need this crap you are smoking you need those kids i had him crying so i went back to the councilor and he suggest we take my son to the morgue and to the childrens home where these kids have lost their parents well thank god the two of these worked he has been clean for almost a yr he doesnt go any where but to work and back he gives me his money and is working on getting his family back ,the morgue really shook him up when he saw that young lady who had got hold of some bad drugs and it killed her he left there in tears and the children hit home to but dont give up on him he needs you he is sick and is dealing with his pain in the only way he knows how remind every day how much you love him and how much he means to you remind him of that little boy tell him you wont get to see him grow up if you dont stop tell him what he has and is doing to you how he killing you not being able to see your grandson and how he is desrtoying you doing what he is doing and ask him how would he like to see his son do him this way ,if you would like to talk IM me ill be glad to chat with you i no what it feels like sorry if some words spelled wrong but spell check not working

Answer 2

You sound like the only thing keeping him above water at this point. At least he has a home to go to and arms to put around him when he needs it. There is always some kind of hope. It takes different things for different people to pull their life together and walk away from addictions. But it starts with a strong family support. If it has been 10 years since he was in treatment he may need to detox again. He is at a point where he feels like he has lost everything and the drugs seem to take the pain away if only for a little while, if you pull away from him it could get worse. Stand by his side but put your foot down, even if that means hiding your money, locking your house. etc. Good luck

Answer 3

I know what u are going through. Ti si not my son, but my husband. We have 3 kids ond one due any day now. I fould out a few months ago that my bank account was over drawn....I knew that was impossible. To make along story short I found out he was doing coke. He stole 700 dollars from my account. I was hurt and shocked. The only advice I can give you is to talk to the mother of the grandbaby. Tell her you know your son has problems and may not be right to be in the babies life right now but you are a great loving grandma and would love to reamina close to him. Let her know how importnat it will be for the baby

good luck

Answer 4

If you are shielding him from any consequences you should stop. He is a 28 year old MAN he is not your little boy any more. What he is doing now is not a result of you doing something wrong when he was a child but it is a result of HIS bad choices.
If he is doing cocaine then he has no business having a child in his custody.
If I were you and he was asking for food I would get him food. If he were asking for money I would NEVER give it to him.
Understand that he is responsible for his own actions and if you are shielding him in any way from consequences you are helping to kill him.

Answer 5

You need to let him go now.....
It will be the hardest thing you ever do, he needs to hit bottom. And he will. Let him know youll be there when he gets straight but until then you dont want him around.If he does anything illegal call the police. ( that will help he will get in the court system and make it tougher on him)

Then call the mother of your grand child, apologize to him for your sons behavior, then let her know if she ever needs anything you are there too. Be honest tell her you hope you can still visit and spend time with your grand child. Tell her, and do it, that your son is no longer alowed to be around.
you have to do things on your daughter in laws terms though or it wont work. NEVER cross her.

Answer 6

Talk to him, but if he is a real addict then he needs professional help and he needs to want that help. Go to a support meeting for coke addicts and talk to them, find out what made them want to get better. Calling the police may be the shock he needs but it may be too much for him to take nad you could be going to identify a body in the prison mourge. Both he and you need professionals, get online and find some, talk to your doctor. Noone on this site can type a few words to fix this. This is the only advice you will get worth anything. Good luck.

I have been the messed up son and I had to get myself fixed up. At least your son has a father who wants to help

Answer 7

Maybe you could go to your grandson's mom and work some "visitation" time out just between the two of you. You shouldn't suffer just because your son is acting irresponsibly. Your son sounds like is he is close to hitting rock bottom. That sounds scary but hopefully it'll be the wakeup call he needs. I really hope you get to see your grandson on a regular basis. Good Luck!

Answer 8

had decision for a mother, i also have 2 son's and it is sooo hard to turn your back on them but as long as he knows he has you as a "crutch" he will continue what he is doing. As hard as it will be for you as a mother, you have to stop letting him lean on you, until he hits bottom, he can't come back up, and until he wants help there is nothing you can do to help him. I feel your pain, I have been in a similar situation and have cut off all money, home etc for one of my son's and it hurts me so much but i now see it was the only way, that was a year ago and now he is much better and seeing things in a different way, once he knew i was done and fed up with his crap. Hang in there and God bless you, i will be praying for the both of you. It is not going to be easy.
Professional help is not going to work IE experience. until he is ready to change his life , i spent allot of money on rehab and a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist, don't waste your money.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with something like this. Your son has to help himself, you can't do it. The hardest thing is to love him enough to do nothing to "help" him. When he hits rock bottom and it sounds like he's close, maybe then, he'll go for the help he needs. Meanwhile, call the mother of you grandbaby, ask to see him occassionally at a time that is convenient for the mother of the child and at a neutral place (the nearest McDonalds?) Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

Police

Answer 11

This might sound harsh but have you ever considered shopping him into the police for theft? Maybe what he needs is a sharp shock and jail time to see what his future lies in store for him. And he will get the support he needs in jail without the option of walking out on it.