We were together 5 years and we broke up 2 years ago. We remained good friends. We have both dated others and fooled around but we haven't had sex with others because we haven't fallen in love with other people yet. That's just the boundaries we've each set for ourselves when it comes to sexual relationships.
Now, he maybe seeing someone and having sex with her. I know he's not in love with her but I think he's horny and feels ready to experience that again with someone. We pretty much tell each other everything because we're still best friends and it's never caused any issues in the past. Now, I'm feeling uncomfortable (or maybe just jealous) when I think of him being sexual with her. I don't want to date him and I know we are better off as friends and we wouldn't work out romantically (we broke up for a reason, afterall). He said he would feel the same way if the roles were reversed, but still. I thought I was over him, but why would I feel uncomfortable & jealous if I were?
2006-07-13 06:51:53 · 23 answers · asked by Sara 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Or is this an issue only now because he hasn't been sexual the last 2 years so I never had to deal with it and accept it until now? I mean, is this normal?
2006-07-13 06:52:03 · update #1
Of Course. The BOTH of you are still having a relationship. You still LOVE the guy (at least you know that you LOVED and can have that again. That's a re-assuring thought). Does that mean you get back together? No. But you have a unique opportunity that most people don't have; a chance to evaluate the REAL reason why the both of you broke up.
Maybe that's something the BOTH of you can talk about but establishe first that this is no attempt to get back together. It's a rare thing to have these kinds of conversations with your ex-lover and this is somehting, I feel can come out positive for THE BOTH OF YOU to understand how relationships work.
If that's too much, just bring up the idea that both of you need a time out and to rethink your position for personal reasons. tell him that you need to do this alone and that if your stuck with something, that you trust that he'll be there when you NEED to call him for help.
I think you have something positive that the both of you can do to grow and learn for your own personal futures. Don't blow what may be a unique opportunity that you can can learn together that other people RARELY get the chance to do. It takes some people YEARS or NEVER to have a opportunity like this!
Good luck and be well!
2006-07-13 06:53:00 · answer #1 · answered by monkeymustard 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its very hard to truly be friends with someone who you dated for so long but to answer your question yes it is normal. Nobody wants to see themselves being "replaced" with someone else no matter how long its been since you broke up. The reason that it isn't an issue more than it is is because when most people break up they don't see each other/spend time with each other anymore so they don't actually have to witness the new person as up close as you do. If you want to remain friends with this guy then its best that you keep your feelings to yourself and wish him the best and mean it. One thing you may need to be prepared for maybe not with this girl but maybe one or more in the future is that they may not be too keen on him having his ex girlfriend of 5 years as his best friend. Its sad really but most women aren't mature enough to handle that so it may not be a bad idea to start separating yourself from your ex and find yourself other people to spend your time with. That will also help you with your jealousy issue. If its not right in your face all the time it won't be so hurtfull. Everything you are thinking and feeling are normal however it sounds like he is making an effort to move on and maybe its time you did too.
2006-07-13 07:08:35 · answer #2 · answered by amyclay350 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not normal to be feeling like this, maybe you need to have some type of closure from this so called great relationship you had with your ex. You say you two occasionally caught up with one another and the spark was still there, however it was never the "right" time, if you two were that close or in love or were supposed to be together then don't you think that you two would have dumped who ever you were with at that time to be together? I do. I feel sorry for your husband because no husband wants to hear about their wives first "great" love. He might feel as though he is second best, and that would suck for him. Think about what your feeling/doing and what you really want, it's no use to you to have these feelings for your ex, it will only harm your marriage eventually. Do whatever you need to do to help yourself realize that you are happily married and therefore don't need to be jealous of him and his girl. All the best.
2016-03-27 03:57:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are jealous of this other woman means you still care about him. What is it that you really want from him? Do you want him back to your life? Or maybe this thing called "jealousy" is just a way of telling yourself that there is someone out there who can make him happy other than you.
If you decide that your relation with your ex is nothing but being friends, then stay that way. Move on and do not even confide to him what has been going on in your personal life, so that he will do the same.
2006-07-13 07:01:45 · answer #4 · answered by Belen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is all very normal....me and my "friend" have been on and off for 5 yrs. and we are still best friends....but nothing more...unless he happens to get a wild hair or something....I ALWAYS feel jealous if I think that he may be intersted in someone else and he does too!! Only difference between you and me is that I still WANT our relationship to be more than friends but he won't go there....he says that he "loves" me but isn't "in love" with me....
I think that you and your guy have an amazing friendship and you should try very hard NOT to mess that up at whatever cost. It would be nice to see the both of you get back together but if that isn't something that either of you want then keep it just at friends, just realize that you will have to control the jealousy aspect....it is normal but remember that you can't act on it...and vice versa for him....just keep telling yourself that you broke up for a reason and you don't plan on getting back together anyway so ....what's the point of holding on to your jealousy??
Good luck to you..I hope everything works out!
2006-07-13 07:01:52 · answer #5 · answered by Blue_Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I still get jealous and upset when I hear my ex is with someone else, even though I have a boyfriend. And I am not even friends with my ex. I think that is natural. However, I don't think that it will ever go away if you two tell each other everything, especially about partners. There is a line that you have to draw. I don't think that you should be sharing information about each others relationships. You could still be friends but some things you should and he should keep to himself.
2006-07-13 06:57:26 · answer #6 · answered by LadyD1019 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you don't see him as a romantic partner anymore, he still is your property in your eyes. This moment was bound to happen, so accept your feelings, let your friend know how you feel and understand your sexual escapades will come in due time. I still have territorial feelings for exes, but it just shows I care and want the best for them.
2006-07-13 06:54:48 · answer #7 · answered by Madam SupaStar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess is completly normal. If you guys are not thinking to get back together I suggest you to move and meet new people. Get just appart from him. Is all I can say. You can be friends, but no sooo friends when you still have fillings for him.
Good luck!
2006-07-13 06:56:31 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Papayita :) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
on some certain level, yeah, feeling jealousy is normal. but in your case, i think you have gone overboard. it has been 2 years and you REMAINED FRIENDS (emphasis on friends), you need to weigh things up, is it jealousy base on friendship or it has something to do with the past?
and the obvious thing about your revelation is that you ARE still in love with him, it's not jealousy. i think you have a problem with commitment, being romantically involve with someone scares you...
2006-07-13 07:01:20 · answer #9 · answered by curiosity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you never had to accept it and have acted as a couple even though you had broke up you hang out and what not and now you have to face the fact that he has moved on at least he understands but you have to let go may i ask what broke you up you sound like you never gave up on the 2 of you even though you say you don't want to date him
2006-07-13 06:56:44 · answer #10 · answered by buzy_bee_21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋