Fellow athiests, I need your help!?

Question

How many of you came from deeply religious families, and how did you "come out" to them? I'm planning on telling my mom at some point that I've given up on religion, but she's somewhat fanatical. I don't think she'll disown me or anything, but I really don't want to argue with her.

I'm in college, and I'm still faking it. I go to a Jewish university, for Hastur's sake!

TryThinkingYouMightLikeIt: Uh, my mom's Jewish. So am I, technically. We converted when I was 8, and didn't have a choice in the matter.

Why am I getting so many theists answering this? YOU ARE NOT BEING HELPFUL. PLEASE GO AWAY. THANK YOU.

Answer 1

John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. 17God did not send his Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it.

18"There is no judgment awaiting those who trust him. But those who do not trust him have already been judged for not believing in the only Son of God. 19Their judgment is based on this fact: The light from heaven came into the world, but they loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. 20They hate the light because they want to sin in the darkness. They stay away from the light for fear their sins will be exposed and they will be punished. 21But those who do what is right come to the light gladly, so everyone can see that they are doing what God wants."

Answer 2

I'm still working on it....I don't live at home so when I talk to my mom (dad's not religious) and we eventually get on a religious topic I throw in my two cents. I've gotten it to the point where she knows I think either all religions are wrong or all of them are right...I just left off the part about having reached a decision. From her reactions I know I've set it up to where saying I'm an atheist won't be such a surprise to her. I think with religious parents it's probably best to ease into it rather than just telling them all of a sudden.

I thought I'd also add that I haven't decided if I'm going to tell her. She's a born again type of christian and my grandmother (her mother) just died last year. Not to mention all sorts of other problems my mom has. I don't really feel that compelled to tell her nor do I have to participate in religious practices because of her, so there isn't really a need to say anything that will only make her upset. If she asks, I would of coarse tell her. I think honesty is important. But I think the emotional strain a child saying they are atheist would place on religious parent is definitely something to keep in mind.

Answer 3

I'm not an atheist but I'm not real religious either. My father is far more religious than I am and my grandfather was a Lutheran minister. No one in my family has ever been argumentative with me about it. At one time, a long time ago, I thought I was an atheist but then realized it wasn't so much that I lacked a belief in God but that I lacked belief in the way other people think one should worship him. I dislike how so many people seem to blindly follow the word of religious leaders or the Bible to the letter. Its like they fail to think with their heart and mind. I don't think you have to really "come out" making a big deal about it and tell them what you think but just live your life the best you can and if they ask why you aren't doing something i.e. going to church etc. then answer them honestly. If you don't want to argue then simply don't. Nothing says you have to stand there to be convinced that you are somehow wrong and I think it would be a bad idea to try argue since they'll likely think you are trying to convince them that they are wrong. The best you can hope for I would say is to agree to disagree.

Answer 4

Oh, sweetie. I don't think you're going to escape the arguing, no matter how you choose to break it to your mom.

It may seem a cowardly suggestion, but if you simply start making the changes in your life that you want to make, you may be able to avoid a confrontation for a while, at least until she notices, and asks. Then, if you say something like, "Mom, I love you, and I'm sorry if my decision disappoints you or worries you, but I hope we can get past that. I have to live my life the way I feel is right for me (hello Sarah MacLaclan)," and then politely decline to discuss it with her beyond that. Maybe give her a hug while you're saying it.

My father is deeply religious, and I think it really took some growth on his part to accept that I am not. I won't deny that it has created a bit of distance between us that wasn't there before. I don't think you can avoid that, since religious beliefs are so tied to people's deepest emotions. But, hopefully, your mom will decide, as my father has, that she loves her daughter despite her differences. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

I came from a pretty religious background. My mom is kinda ambivalent about the whole thing, but my dad is a hardcore Catholic.

The situation is different for every person. My mom didn't care when I told her, and took it upon herself to inform my dad (who I didn't really want to tell because I thought it would upset him). I'm sure it did, but he sort of plays a game of denial these days. Every easter or christmas I'll get told "Be sure you go to church and give some time to God"... and most of the time it's not worth arguing over. If I'm home for the holidays, I'll just go to church to keep the peace. I don't believe in god, but I love my dad. Y'know?

On a sidenote, it's funny and upsetting when Christians complain about being "persecuted". I would bet that very few Christians who claim that have had to attend mass services of a religion they don't belong to because of family or peer pressures. Atheism is persecution, plain and simple. (We still didn't have the right to testify in many state courts in 1939!)

If your mom is fanatical, you might be expected to answer a barrage of questions, like "Without god, what is the purpose of life?", "Without god, how can there be morality?", "Without god, what is there to comfort us in troubled times?", "What happens when you die?"...etc etc...

You should try as best as you can not to get into fighting over details. If you've given up on religion for intellectual (not emotional) reasons, then your bottom line is just "I haven't been convinced." You may get a lecture on the Bible or all the "evidence" for god... but that's usually better than arguing about it. In this case they'll at least believe you're open to the idea (and you may still be...).

In some cases you'll get a lecture about "letting down the family". Don't let it get to you, cause it's rubbish. If they love you, they will respect your decision. Religion is a personal item, and there's a lot more to a person than which imaginery friend he has in the sky.

Answer 6

You Have to Be Totoally Honest with them In Situations Like this, Do not Just Bring it up one day in an Arguement But sit your Parents Down and make them Understand that this is the Path that you have chosen.

Ofcourse you will receive Objection at First, but Eventually thay wil know that this is a decision that you have tought about and mase up your mind

Also If your Family is very religous you may want to think about The repercausions that would come out from this and use it also as a Guide to Telling them.

Answer 7

I came from a Catholic backround,but I was lucky that it wasnt too bad.It didnt hurt that I was an only child and I'm taller than my father.

What I think you'll have to tell her is something like."mom.I've made up my own mind about what I believe in.I dont believe that the religion is objectively true."
If she says something about how you don't love her anymore,tell her"I'll always love you,I just buy into the religion.That's what I believe." and stay calm. But DONT back down.

Good luck.Some of what I've heard is scary,especially from the deep South.

Answer 8

You'll understand one day what a blessing a Christian mother who cares about your spiritual well-being is. On a personal note, you probably don't need to sit your family down to dinner and make an announcement--if you sincerely don't believe, your behavior will reflect that, not in the sense that you're abandoning your morals (I don't know you and am not judging you), but your entire paradigm on life is different when you don't feel that God exists. I hope that no matter what you believe, you are able to maintain a good relationship with your mother.

Answer 9

I've been an atheist for 8 years now and I've come from a very religious family (my parents named me "Abraham" for crying out loud), went to a catholic school, and I used to be an altar server.

The way I came out was very rebelious actually and I wouldn't recommend doing it, but it sounds like you need help so I'll throw it in for you anyways. Something snapped in me (not going to tell you what) and I realized that religion is not for me. I stopped going to church, and....I turned to the "goth" persuasion. lol After months of fighting with my parents and telling them that it was my life and I'll choose how to live it, they started accepting my decision. It won't be easy, but, as I said before, it's your life, and you have to choose the way you want to live it.

You can also tell your mum that you're having troubles with your beliefs and you need to take a break from it. I'm not 100% sure that'll work, but it's worth a shot. Good luck.

Answer 10

You will have to talk very seriously with your mother, you do not believe in her religion anymore, (you have your reasons, of course) and as she really loves you, she must understand how you feel and then she will have to let you go, because children are not personal property of the parents. If your mother really loves you, she will understand, so you can follow your own path. Good for you girl! I wish you the best.