make me laugh, make me wet myself, and whoever makes me laugh the most gets best answer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-07-13 06:35:31 · 16 answers · asked by lucky c 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Red Or Green
Two men are sitting in the doctor's office. The one looks at the other one and says, "What are you here for?"
The man replied "I have a red ring around my p_e_c_k_e_r, What are you here for?"
The other man said, "I have a green ring around my p_e_c_k_e_r."
The doctor called the man with the red ring first in his office and examined him.
As he was walking out he told the other guy it was no problem.
The doctor called the man in with the green ring around his p_e_c_k_e-r and examined him.
The doctor says, "Your p_e_c_k_e_r is gonna fall off and you are gonna die".
The mans says, "What?? You told the man with the red ring he was ok, but I'm gonna die??"
The doctor said, "Yes but there's a lot of difference lipstick and gangrene!"
2006-07-13 18:12:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
a man working at a construction cite had an accident and his d*** ot mangled in a cement mixer. he went to the hospital and the only way to fix his jewels were to try this new experiment. the new experiment made invioved an elephents trunk. so the man got his dick repaired instantly and eeverything worked fine.
later on that night he went on a date. during the course of the date something crept up from under the table, grabbed a role, and quickly crept back under the table. the lady was so amused she applauded and begged for an encore. the man replied, "i would, but i don't think my *** can take another role."
2006-07-13 13:42:29 · answer #2 · answered by heawaits12 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay so a guy is
near the
end of his
senior
year in high school.
Unfortunately,
he still has to share a room with his
younger
brother who is only 9
years
old.
One night, he decides to bring his
girlfriend home
for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that
his little
brother is already
asleep
on the lower bunk, so he and his
girlfriend climb
up
to the top bunk.
As you
might expect things start to heat up.
The guy remembers that his little brother
is
sleeping below so he tells
his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants
it
harder and "tomato" if
she
wants a new position.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
She screams
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Whoa!!!
PULL IT OUT!!!
PULL IT OUT NOW!!!
I can't get pregnant!
Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey,
would you
guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting
mayonnaise
all over my
face!*!*!*!*!
2006-07-13 13:48:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says: "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bastard," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"
2006-07-13 13:51:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work.
One day she was in bed with her boyfriend and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window; my husband is home early!"
The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like crazy out there and I'm naked!" She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window!
When he landed outside he was in the middle of a "running marathon," so he started to run along beside the others - only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes over his arm.
One of the runners asked, "Do you always run in the nude?"
He answered, while gasping for breath, "Oh yes. It feels so free having the air blow over my skin while I'm running."
Another runner then asked the nude lover, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"
The naked lover answered breathlessly, "Oh yes. That way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car and just go straight home without a shower!"
The marathon runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
The nude man answered, "Only if it's raining..."
2006-07-13 15:13:46 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Gilmore♥ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
two guys walk in to a bar a naked priest is sitting there with his son the first guy walks over there to them and asks the boy where did your dad take you and the boy said home then second guy comes over and asks the same quest. and this time the boy said o' a lone-like a Irish person the two guys look at each other and they soon figure out that the priest is gay and that is not his son and they also figure out he took a lil boy to his home alone
2006-07-13 14:00:08 · answer #6 · answered by sidekickLX! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Jeremy Beadle has a tiny cock
On the other hand it's massive
2006-07-13 18:56:26 · answer #7 · answered by redlens 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay here we go,,,,,,,,
1. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
******************************...
2. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
******************************...
3. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
******************************...
4. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
******************************...
5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
******************************...
6. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
******************************...
7. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
******************************...
8. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
******************************...
9. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
******************************...
Now some different answers
10. What is height of Secrecy?
Not attending your own marriage
******************************...
11. What is height of Activelaziness?
hiring somebody for your own morning walk !!!!
******************************...
12. What is height of Laziness?
adopting another child !!!!
******************************...
13. What is height of Craziness?
Trying to do blowwjob to a enuch
******************************...
14. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Going out from own house in the morning and getting back to neighbour's house.
******************************...
15. What is height of Stupidity?
Going to swim without underwear
******************************...
2006-07-13 13:43:02 · answer #8 · answered by Tanya S 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
one day, a teacher asked her class to tell her what they did that weekend, using grown up words.
a kid raised his hand and said,'i went to go visit my nana' the teacher said,'no, you went to go visit ur GRANDMA'
another kid raised his hand and said,'i took a ride on a choo-choo' the teacher said,'no, you took a ride on a TRAIN'
then another kid raised his hand and said,'i read a book' the teacher said,'thats great! what book did you read?' so he thought...and thought... and finally, he took a deep breath, puffed out his chest, and said,'winnie the sh**!'
2006-07-13 13:48:04 · answer #9 · answered by $ I~♥~ELMO $ 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your mama's so fat when her pager goes of they think a mac truck is backing up.
2006-07-13 13:50:36 · answer #10 · answered by no1special 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋