My family is Christian and my sister doesn't want to follow.?

Question

I don't want to pry into my sisters life but she's 13 and is making bad choices.
She doesn't go to church and is mad because i can date and she can't so she
starts kissing guys and hanging out with guys that are four years older. She some
times gets mad when i try to tell her how i feel and she says your just mad because
i have a boyfriend and you don't.

Answer 1

Well, it sounds like she's rebelling and trying to be the "bad girl." It's a tough situation. If you crack down too hard, she'll rebel even more, which could lead to drugs and crime down the line. On the other hand, you can't just give her free reign.

No one here is really qualified to answer your question without knowing the people involved. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that kissing is fine. It gives her some release, and you can't stop it anyway. Eventually, she may realize that sex does feel good, so make sure she is aware of the consequences. Anecdotes about teenage mothers who cannot go out on Friday nights might help. Giving examples of how painful abortions can be might also work. Simply telling her that she can't have sex won't be enough. You already told her she can't kiss and see how effective that was?

In short, try to keep a leash on her, but give her some room to roam. The tighter the leash is, the more she'll fight it.

As for religion, I don't know if she is rejecting Christianity because she honestly sees no truth in the religion or because she wants to use it to rebel against your family. As she is only 13, I'm guessing it's to rebel. Don't force religion on her either. If she doesn't want to go to church, let her make that decision. Church is often boring for a teenager anyway. It's more appropriate for adults who want to worship the Christian god (some may argue it's good for brainwashing children too, but your sister has clearly outgrown that). If she becomes a Christian later, then she can start attending church.

You could even enhance her spiritual growth by asking her what religious service she would like to attend. Maybe she'd like to check out a mosque or a Buddhist temple (and it sounds like she could use some Buddha in her life). It doesn't force her to be with her family, and it may open her eyes.

It sounds like she's being a teenager. Since she's a younger sibling (I assume from your question), she is more prone than you are to be rebellious. Younger siblings tend to want to make a bigger mark, since their brothers/sisters have already paved the way.

Good luck.

Answer 2

You are a very caring sister, but maybe your sister feels like you're treating her like a child, or as if you're trying to control her life. Thirteen is an unstable age. It's basically the transition age between a child and a teenager. Your sister is going through new experiences and she's learning new things from different influences. Some of her influences are her friends and peers and the media. Your sisters perspective if different from your perspective. There's a reason why she doesn't want to follow Chrisitianity and wants to date older guys. Before you advise her about the things she should do and not do, talk to her on a personal level, as if she was a friends of your about simple things like clothes and music. If you talk to her like a sixteen year old, she'll feel more mature and accepted. Then you can move on to more serious topics like boys and religion. Always be open-minded about her thoughts so that you'll understand her feelings. Don't force her into anything right away.

Answer 3

I wouldn't worry so much about the religion aspect but I would make sure that both you and your parents watch her like a hawk with those boys. Chances are the more that you get involved in her life the less she's going want to rebel. I'm not talking about getting in her business all the time, but telling her you care a lot about her and love her and you don't want to see her make a big mistake.. like sleep with someone or something. When my 14 yr old sister was dating a 17 yr old.. we saw how her attitude changed we saw how her feelings went from I like this guy to I love this guy and then the sexuality came into it. We found that myspace was a good fuel for kids to say what they want to each other.. so if your sis has one of those I would advise your parents to check out her page with her permission or not allow her on the computer. Just keep tabs on her. The most important thing though is to tell her you love her very much and you're just trying to look out for her. If she can get that through her head you just might have a shot. It can be a huge headache though. Good luck lil sisters are rough.

Answer 4

Sounds like she feels she's being treated unfairly. I can empathise about the church bit. She's going into puberty and boys are a lot more interesting than church. The more you force her into church, the more she'll resent it. ... and you shouldn't rub in the fact that you can date and she can't or nag her about how she's making bad choices. I find that living by example always works best. The more you're on her case, the less she'll listen. It's a bit of a power struggle from her point of view. She's trying to be 'one up' on you by strutting the boyfriends. Maybe if you simply ignored her boyfriend business for a while and pretend you don't care, she might not be so intent on proving her point.

Answer 5

She's growing up.

You can't baby someone their whole life. Or dominate or control them. Sooner or later she'll have to make her own decisions in life, independent of others.

Sounds like she really loves you and is trying to be a bit like you. When you criticize her or what she is doing, you are also criticizing yourself in her mind, because she's trying to be like you, even though she's not aware of it happening. You are upsetting what she thinks about you, therefore it throws a wrench into all of her decisions she has made up to this point in life -- being like big sister. (That's a longer version of "growing up")

You are probably her role model. Work with it -- it's a very powerful position for someone to put you in. Show her how to talk to Mom and Dad. Find out what it is she doesn't like about christianity. Help her with her decisions, but they have to be HER decisions, not yours or your parents. If her decision really is wrong, then GUIDE her to the right decision, don't force it.

And don't be afraid of her making mistakes or bad decisions, we all do it. She'll learn from it. As long as her decision doesn't place her in any kind of danger, then it's OK to mess up. Making mistakes is a part of learning and success, it isn't total failure.

Tell her you're sorry and give her a hug, then start talking.

Answer 6

Shes just being rebellious. And yeah, you cant really make someone love God. But your parents can always smack the **** out of her for that dating 4 years up nonsence UNACCEPTABLE, next year those boys will be 18!, and she will still be a minor (she IS only 13), she cant be walking around the house like shes running the show, I know that wouldnt have gone down like that if she was living here REAL TALK.

Answer 7

she is protesting, against you and your parents. stop pushing her! if you want her to get cool down, and to avoid big mistakes. Don't preach, let her decide the best for her self. She will respect you and your religion, if you will give her, specially regarding the religion, free choice. Also be a friend to her, if you will start prohibiting her everything, it won't stop her from doing it anyway. only she won't tell you anything about her life, even when she'll need help. so stop prohibiting, and pushing. let her enjoy her youth. my sister was interested on boys when she was 12, i got the idea when i was 15... so everyone is a bit different in that case.

Answer 8

Don't force anything on her or she'll just reject them and run in the other direction. Start hanging out with her maybe, show her the way you do things without preaching it. Live the example you want her to follow. Show her how much you love her and make her feel good and she'll want to be just like you. But if you belittle her and always punish her she'll really want to be just the opposite of you.

Answer 9

if she doesn't want to be a christian that's okay.. isn't it? everyone should be allowed to follow their own beliefs. about the kissing and stuff... that'll be hard to change. she'll need to stop hanging out with those guys. just don't allow her to go out with those people any more. that will effect her life and grades big time if she keeps that up! I'm sure that eventually she'll become a christian again.. once she gets a hold of herself. good luck and god bless!

Answer 10

She has a right to choose her own spiritual path. The family act of forcing beliefs on children should be a crime. She may need some counseling though as she seems to be acting out against you all in destructive ways. I bet she feels totoally isolated and misunderstood