Someone please help me? I don't know what to do!!!!!?

Question

Ok I posted in an earlier question about my neice living with me and her mother being in jail. anyway my neice "Emma" is just being horrible, she is only 3 and she has tantrums and just screams at me when she wants something, she will not ask for what she wants or needs. I stay positive with her and loving and very routine and strict. when she acts like I will put her in her room for timeout until she stops and asks nicely. but what else can I do to stop this? It is very disturbing for my other 5 children. Also at night I think Emma is having some kind of night terrors or something she will wake up a little but still seem like she is half asleep and start screaming that she wants something like "chocolate milk" etc.......at 4 A.M. and it actually scares me, I don't know what to do. I will of course give her a drink of water but not chocolate milk. I will ask her if she needs to go the potty but she just still keeps screaming. PLEASE HELP. should I take her to the Doctor????

I really don't know if she was sexually abused or not but that is what her mother told me along time ago. And I cannot go and visit her mother she is in the state of Idaho and we are in Virginia. and NO her mother does not call her. don;t ask me why. Her mother never really took care of her everyone else did, her popped in once in a while to traumitize her. so yes her mother neglected her all the time.

Answer 1

Her mother is in jail, which means her childhood has been disrupted, and her parenting has probably been lax.

What you're doing is exactly what she needs. She needs one on one attention, possitive time, time out and correction, and boosting of her self confidence.

In most situations with this behavior, its just about ALWAYS a result of neglect on some level. That doesnt mean its criminal, like she wasnt fed or something, but not providing her with the proper rules and develpment she loses her confidence and ends up becoming defensive.

Keep loving her, keep demanding the good things from her. She's three, which means she's old enough to start reasoning with, so always be sure to explain to her BEFORE an even that you "expect her to behave in such a way" explain because thats what good girls do, and you love her and want her to grow up into a good girl. When she misbehaves, explain to her what she has done, put her in time out for about three minutes, go back get an apology and start over.

When she does react well, praise her and make a fuss over her.

She just doesnt know what is expected of her, and thats a very frightning place to be as a child. because acceptance from your parents or adults is what you want the most. Not knowing how to get it is scary.

As far as the night terrors go, i wouldnt stress them much. Its not uncommon for children at this age (and with this sort of situation...) to have troubles sleeping.

Avoid sugar, dont let her eat after dinner, and make sure shes active enough to be sleepy.

She will come around, just keep encouraging her. This is exactly what she needs :)

Answer 2

Oh my. That does sound a little scary. At three it seems she feels she needs some control over her situation. That is why she is screaming in the wee hours of the morning for a specific thing. I wouldn't take her to the doctor. This is very normal behaviour for a three year old that has been relocated. She had no control over that happening to her, but also has no way to express it. Have you ever watched Nanny911? It shows you how to deal with problems just like this. I would not go to her in the middle of the night. It will be rough for a couple of nights, but it will pass. She screams because she knows she gets a reaction every time. There are monitos you can buy that will allow you to see her without her seeing you. That way you can make sure she is okay, without actually having her cry more. I bet when she sees you at night she acts up even worse. Hang in there, it will only take a couple of nights of ignoring her, to get her to stop. My daughter used to do the same. It took 3 horrible nights, but it worked. Finding a great friend to take some of your other children for a night or two will also help alleviate the stress for them while this is going on. Good luck, darlin'. Don't let a three year old rule the roost! :)

Answer 3

First of all your niece is only 3 yrs old, in a different environment within which she was brought up ( an adult can tell you how they feel in a different environment) so she can't express all the emotions in her ( thus screams them out) she is missing her mother- even though she may not have brought her up well - she misses her presence, she probably see more people in the house she is in and she wakes up in a different environment.. not an easy thing really with which a 3 yrs. old can cope. Believe me if I was her and at that age I would definitely be horrible too! But you have basically described what is the situation for you I believe. You need time to adapt also, plus you have other children too.Try your best to put aside a little special night time or afternoon time especially for her so you can both bond with each other. Once she feels your warmth, she will feel closer to you and more content. Patience is truly a virtue in this situation and by all means take her for a check up as well. Best of Luck.

Answer 4

A child reacts to changes in his/her lives.. Perhaps "emma" saw things with her mom or was in someway neglected by her mom and she feels the need to be noticed. Her young mind has been conditioned to think in a controlling way. Therefore, you have to take control and be the parent. Do not send her to the room for a time out instead ask her what is on her mind. Help her to understand that you are there to keep her safe and to protect her. Emma needs re-assurance and she needs comfort. Play with her. Have you other kids interact with her. Let her help you do little things around the house and let her know she is doing a good job. In time she will see that she is needed and that you are not the bad person...only someone that listens. Her crying will stop in the night and her tantrums but it will take alot of time to get her back to a 'little" girl and not someone who thinks she is an adult and can take control of the sitution. Good luck!

Answer 5

She is probably trying to deal with her mom being away and isn't sure how to do it .It is not going to be an easy transisiton for either of you.
The screaming at night doesn't sound like night terrors to me. Usually with night terrors the child would not be able to ask for something specific. The fact that she asks for "chocolate milk leads me to believe it is just another tantrum.
However, I would definitely call the Dr. and get her in just to be sure. If they do diagnose her with night terrors there are medications that can be given once a day before bedtime that will help her (and you) sleep through the night.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

I know how you feel. my cousin, is extremely hard to handle and is almost the same way, i would start taking things away and dont give her whatever she wants. As far as the screaming at 4 a.m. goes, i would let her sleep in your room for a couple nights and keep a glass of water next to the bed, so that when she wakes up she will be all set, maybe she will feel safer near you. after you have had her in your room for a while move her back to where she was sleepin before, and keep the glass of water there. if you still seem to have problems i would contact a doctor.

Answer 7

how would you feel if your mommy up and disappeared? You would be pretty stessed...right? Now put that stress on a child of the age of three, who does not know how to relieve stress or even really comfort themselves....you need to get that child to a psychologist ASAP.

Whatever her mom got thrown in jail for, I am sure she has done around the child and maybe worse, you must get this child help as soon as possible...it will make life so much better for the whole family in the long run.

If the child is on medicaid, you should be able to find help in your area. Goodluck.

Punishment of her behavior may have an adverse effect right now, and turn her even more inward, you have to try and talk to her, to let her know that her actions are wrong.

Answer 8

She seems to me that they only way she got what she wanted before( with her mother) was to have a tantrum and thats all she knows...she could also be having anxitiy about her mom being gone and thats how its comming out as a tantrum...if it was me personally I would ask the doctor what the best thing to do is they might want to put her into therpy or something like that..my daughter screams alot and shes 16 mths but doesnts talk yet so I know sortof how you feel!

Answer 9

Yes take her to the doctor. Children experience night terrors like you described when something so traumatic happens in their life they feel they lost control. All of the symptoms you are describing are an attempt to reestablish control in her life.

You said she came to live with you after her mom was put in jail? It seems to me she has separation anxiety and control issues and should speak with a professional.

Try to keep things to a routine as much as possible..The more a routine is established for her, the more she will know what to expect, the more control she will feel in her life.

FYI - she's not crazy - just too young to deal with what's going on around her.

Answer 10

the problem is that your niece doesn´t like the whole situation and she is responding to it the only way a 3 year old know how, that´s besides what she probably went through in the past. The best thing you can do is be there and love her, don´t expect for her to act like your kids, you need to teach her, how to love and how to get things nicely and that you are there and there is no need to try to get your attention. be patiet it takes time, but she will get better the closer she starts getting to you. Try also giving her more attention than to your kids fso that she can adapt better. Tell your kids to be nice with her too, she will soon become more a more like your kids.
It´s wonderful that you are taking care of this baby! Good for you!