I am a divorced, non-custodial parent. I am trying to say and do the right thing to make a lasting impact on her, and I'm not sure how to go abolut it.
2006-07-13 03:25:23 · 36 answers · asked by TMoney 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If she's 21, there is no longer a "custodial" parent. I wouldn't say anything unless she brings it up. But I wouldn't buy her any alcohol for five years and would not cosign for a car.
2006-07-13 03:28:15 · answer #1 · answered by wmp55 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since she is 21, she is the only one responsible for her actions. You can try to influence her but you can not make her do something that she doesn't want to do. Giving her other options, like always making sure she has a designated driver, may help. Talking to her is the best thing you can do! Make sure she understands the damage her actions can do to herself and to other people. My suggestion would be, do not try to preach to her. If you talk calmly and do not judge her for her actions she will be more cooperative and willing to do what you ask! Just make sure she has all the facts! Tell her how you feel and always be honest! That is all you can do. If she chooses to make poor decisions even after you have done all you can, it is not your responsibility anymore. You did your part and now it is up to her! Don't forget to compromise--it is better to have a little improvement than no improvement at all! Try slowly working your way closer to your goal. Also never lose hope! It may take a long time before you and your daughter are at a place where you both are satisfied.
2006-07-13 04:16:59 · answer #2 · answered by wwj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of your "Parental Position" she's now an adult, and as such, she has to attend a few classes at the School of Hard Knocks. She was the one that chose to drive after drinking too much. A ticket, community service, and/or loss of driving privileges is a pretty light punishment in consideration of what COULD have happened. Every single time a person gets behind the wheel tired, or on drugs, or after drinking, they're putting their life & the lives of those around them in mortal danger.
That being said, you are still her parent and she is young. You will need to stand by her and help her through her emotional turmoil, but under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you tell her that what she did was OK. Tell her you're there to support her, and whatever punishment she is issued you will be her emotional pillar. That's all you can do.
2006-07-13 03:57:06 · answer #3 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is 21 there is really nothing you can do. If you feel the need to talk to her about. Make sure she knows it is because you care about her and love her. Let her know how disappointed you are but don't hound her. You can also tell not to come to you for a new car until she has learned a very valuable lesson. Not to drink and drive. I lost a baby due to a drunk driver. Their parent was hurt. The child ended up a very large activist against drinking and driving. You might tell her the person she will hit could be an expecting mother like I was.
2006-07-13 03:32:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's an adult now and she should know better than to get behind the wheel after she's been drinking. I'm not sure what kind of things you're trying to say or do to making a lasting impact or what kind of impact you want to have...I can only assume you are like me and don't condone that kind of behavior. Take her on down to the morgue and ask them to show her other young people that have died due to drunk driving and other negligent activities. Even at 21, most people don't realize how truly precious life is. She's just lucky she didn't kill herself or anyone else.
2006-07-13 03:30:40 · answer #5 · answered by SuperJenn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is hard for you. This is an awful thing for any parent to have to go through. Show some "tough love" but be there for her. I think getting the DUI alone is enough to shake her up some and think twice about doing this a second time. Get her a good lawyer and make sure she pays all the fees...Good luck to you both and Bless you!
2006-07-13 03:34:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 21, she's an adult and your task is completed. Now, sit back and watch how she uses your training in her life. Remember, you could do just so much and no more; its time for her to assume the responsibility for her actions like every other adult has to. Let the Mother-Nature-School-of-Hard-Knocks and Reality take over. She will either straighten up and fly right, or she won't. Nothing you can do or say will really make any difference as long as she makes up her own mind.
2006-07-13 03:34:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut her legs off. No, I'm only half-serious. Tell her you're not very happy with her decision, but you also need to realize that she is an adult by law (I know, some people don't diserve this). Just be clear with her on your feelings about it. Don't rant, or accuse, or try to make her feel badly in general. Hopefully the ugly fine and the the lawyer's fees will convince her that it's not something to be done on a regular basis.
2006-07-13 03:30:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because she is 21 dose not mean that she is mature. and it dose not mean that your role as a parent is over. Although you can't physically punish her, you have to stress the importance of her drinking responsibly. have a long talk with her and tell her how her DUI ticket could have ended with her or some innocent person going to the morgue.
2006-07-13 03:36:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant so dont. The court will make the impression you want her to feel. Be sure she has a good paying job. (hope it wasnt in Massachusetts). Being in front of the man in black is no fun with a DUI. Good Luck, dont baby her, dont smooth it over, dont pay for it, dont put down the cops.
2006-07-13 03:31:33 · answer #10 · answered by orion_1812@yahoo.com 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋