Now every time they come over I must work hard to let them know I am not here to hurt them its so hard. Most of the time why dad is at work they have stay home with me , where all hell break loose they dont listen why he is here just think why he gone. He dont see it i am so upset with the problem.
2006-07-13 03:14:36 · 13 answers · asked by goldiecincy513 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have two step kids of my own that I am trying to help raise and I know how hard it can be. I have been in their lives for nearly 5 years now and we still have problems, mainly because of their mother who tells them they do not have to listen to me or respect me.
They give me respect because I give them respect. You have to be patient and just remember that it must be really difficult to be in the situation they are in. They are just as confused and frustrated as you and you and your husband have to work together to make the family work.
I have had to sit down with my husband plenty of times and explain to him the situation and bring things to his attention that he wouldn't see on his own.
Just be patient and treat them as you want to be treated.
2006-07-13 06:25:50 · answer #1 · answered by Lokelani 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
They feel hurt because their parents are divorced. They want their mother and father back together. They might be figuring if they can make you as miserable as possible you'll go away and their parents will get back together. They think that you're trying to replace their mother. I know, I was one of those kids way back, I know it felt. But what I liked the most was my parents taking care of my behavior. Talk to your husband, let him know what is going on and that you need the kids to stop the disrespect. Try to get him to take care of this, the kids might end up hating you more if it's you that's correcting their behavior. You've gotta try to get them to learn you are not here to be used as a punching bag, and that you don't want to replace their mother. But you are here now which means they should respect you.
2006-07-13 03:22:07 · answer #2 · answered by Kittie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you need to get your husband in on this so he can talk to both the kids and his ex wife. Look back at your husbands divorce papers, its likely that your husband's ex is in violation of their divorce agreement by trying to make the kids not respect you. If talking to her and the kids doesn't work, get a lawyer involved and threaten legal action (like custody of the kids) and see if that works. It sounds like things are already ugly so what have you got to lose. There is a good book called Step Wives you might consider reading. You should work on trying to build a relationship with your husbands ex wife on the basis of doing what is best for the kids. Good luck!
2006-07-13 03:26:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time it takes step kids a while to come around if you continue to be nice to them they will realize that you are not there to hurt them and that you are not trying to take their mother's place. I know the feeling because I have a step mother, but she does not like any of my dads other children, but we did try to be nice to her. Just give it time and sit down with your husband and tell him about it and how it makes you feel.
2006-07-13 03:22:11 · answer #4 · answered by BabyGirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and Dad need to sit down with the kids and have a talk about respect and rules. They have rules for ever place they go. Different rules for school, different rules for a freind's house. Rules they have at their Mom's don't mean a thing when they come to Dad's (and YOUR) house. Regardless of how different these rules maybe, they must be followed andeveryone respected.
2006-07-13 03:19:23 · answer #5 · answered by Marvinator 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AMEN MARVINATOR! the two of you should have been had a talk about this, probably before the kids started coming over. and yes, everyone, you and your husband and the kids, need to sit down and discuss behavior and the rules that exist in the household. you also need to let him know that while you love the kids, you are not going to continue to tolerate and accept their blatant disrespect and the kids need to know that behavior needs to cease immediately or else they can't come over there.
2006-07-13 03:31:49 · answer #6 · answered by queenreignsupreem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to take a stand. It is not your job to discipline his kids. He and his former wife should have taught them how to treat ALL adults with respect, but especially you since you are the WOMAN of the house. If they can't respect the rules, he needs to visit them at their mothers!
2006-07-13 04:46:29 · answer #7 · answered by Dancer3d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should be thankful to have someone like you to watch his kids,while he works.I would set down with him & the kids and tell him in front of the kids they dont listen to you at all. the kids cant deny it when you bring it up in front of them. I know how it is being a step mom its work when they dont listen but they should mind & listen to you its your house & your rules.
2006-07-13 03:27:20 · answer #8 · answered by Mary B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had that problem when I was dating a guy and he had to work. Tape what is going on in the house and least the aduio. Let him hear it. If he dosen't do anything about it then. Talk seiously with him. Let him know you don't like it and he will have to find somewhere to put them if this problem persists.
2006-07-13 03:38:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are trying too hard to be nice. Be yourself and discipline them accordingly like your own children. Tell your husband that this is the way you will be handling them. End of discussion.
2006-07-13 05:46:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋