sex every 3-4 weeks.
He doesn't plan dates for us.
He always feel their is tension between us, and there is obviously b/c of the way he treats me and our relationship but he doesn't see it, always says something to justify when its about his issues.
He doesn't hug me or touch my neck or SOMETHING on a normal basis, I'd say maybe three times a week.
He's doesn't call to say I love you or just thinking of you, maybe twice a month.
he'll easily complain if I didn't change the babies diaper, or give him his business mail, or something of that sort.
he's not dominant or demanding, trust me. More like a negative person who thinks he's just find and dandy!
But its ruining our relationship, talking to him has been hell. He seems to always say, "what about when I gave you a hug last night?!" etc. etc.
It's making me want to breakdown and my depression is getting worse. We have kids he watches during the day, no money for babysitting. Also, I have initiated moves on several occasions.
2006-07-13 03:11:58 · 47 answers · asked by fiestygirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's obviously not happy, and it may not be with you. It's probably something inside HIM that may or may not have anything to do with you. I had an ex who was like that and it drove me crazy. When you ask them what's wrong you get either a) "Nothing...why do you keep asking me that" or b) "I don't know." There's not much else you can do other than to try to express to him that the lack of intimacy has you questioning whether it is worth continuing this relationship with him because his actions make you feel like he doesn't really care all that much about you.
Relationships MUST have intimacy or they will fail. They also must have communication...lack of either one, and you are heading for a break-up. To be honest...I would say that communication is the more important of the two, because open communication can BUILD the intimacy that you are missing right now. Have you ever had a friend who you could just go have a cup of coffee with and bullshit over the weeks events?? Do you remember how that felt? You need to be able to do that with your significant other as well...but not only over the small issues...but the big ones as well. If he shuts you out and won't talk about it...well, he is sealing his own fate. I can tell you from experience that if that is what you are dealing with, and you stay with him, you have a long arduous journey ahead of you. I hope you have strong resolve, because you will continue to feel very neglected until he comes around...and it is very unlikely that anything you say or do will influence the timeline on when he does that if he doesn't see that he has a problem.
I hope this helped.
2006-07-13 03:25:59 · answer #1 · answered by iipiki_okami 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I think you two are long overdue for a chat about your needs and expectations. And if you're having trouble sitting down together to talk about it, perhaps you can enlist the help of an impartial person. I know you say you have no money for babysitting, so I'm guessing you have none for counseling, but I recommend you get some immediately, and there are free programs all over that can help. Or even a clergyperson might be of assistance. Either way, you 2 are on different pages and you need to find out why you are and how to get onto the same one together. One of these people will be able to help, so go for it, and best of luck.
2006-07-13 03:17:36 · answer #2 · answered by SuperJenn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be the stress in the work place , he maybe keeping something from you that he thinks may hurt you, worst case he's sleeping with some one else but don't think of that one straight away , try taking some time with out the baby being there to sit and talk go some where quiet to have a romantic dinner rekindle the spark what ever you do don't get depressed about the situation OK you wont think straight, and it won't help your children if you are upset OK .
2006-07-13 03:20:07 · answer #3 · answered by diablo0470 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever thought about going to counseling. You said he watches the kids. Maybe he is feeling depressed as well and doesn't know how to express it as well. A man out of work and having a family and wife is hard thing. You said he is still intimate with you,I think your stressed because you want answers and to help him with what ever is causing both of you to feel this way. Some men don't verbalize their feelings until it's down to the last choice. You should talk to him about whats going on in the relationship. Really listen and don't bring up the sex issue when talking at first.
2006-07-13 03:23:00 · answer #4 · answered by GoldenGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really not sure what to tell you but is there spice in your sex life.
some man love a freak in bed.
How is the keeping of your household some guys hate a dirty woman that feel that she too tried to clean the house at time.
Are you a well shape female some woman after having kids let their figure go down hill feeling like they have all they ever want or too tried to stay in shape.
you must look back and try to remeber to what may yous happy before this time of saddness.
would you say that you are a fairly clean woman or are you just trying to live no matter who you may be hurting just as long as you are happy in life.You walk a path that you may now have to follow but you still have a choice a turn off. my question to you is how strong are you to follow?
2006-07-13 03:40:08 · answer #5 · answered by fingers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he have a medical problem that affects him sexually? Is he depressed? Or is he just not that into you? Have you asked him if he wanted to continue the relationship? It's not working for you, a compromise has to be made or simply find someone more suited for you. Some people are huggers others not. some are sensitive other not ect.... It doesn't mean he doesn't care, his needs are just different than yours. Sorry to say this, but the problem is yours, we don't have the power or right to change another person. We must strive to be whole and complete within ourselves, only then can we chose the right mate.
2006-07-13 03:28:07 · answer #6 · answered by dlbrown2211 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey....the real question is "What is RIGHT with this relationship?" There is no reason on earth that a man shouldn't want to touch you, hug you, or have sex with you. I honestly believe the right thing for you to do is to seek marriage counselling. Maybe there is an underlying problem that he is not telling you about! A counselor may be able to get to the bottom of it. You're living a life of hell right now.... You have to start thinking of YOU, and what is going to make YOU happy? Just imagine being with this man for the rest of your life is he is not willing to change!!
2006-07-13 03:16:00 · answer #7 · answered by trueblond195 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love him you need to set him down and tell him what you told us. Tell him if he cant show you that he loves you more than he does then this relationship is not going to work. I was the same way with my ex wife. Never told her I loved her and didnt show it either. Guess what. After the divorce I figured out that I didnt love her. My g/f now, I show her every second what she means to me in everyway that I can. Just tell him the truth and if he loves you and you love him then things will work out. If not one of you need to pack up and move. You may not think it is the best thing to do but it will be alot better than staying were someone dont care about you and cant show how they feel. I wish you the best of luck. I know this is hard but sounds like it has already taking a toe on you. You need to get your life back together and get on with you life. Do what makes YOU happy and everything else will fall in to place.
2006-07-13 03:19:00 · answer #8 · answered by bigdog_0032 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to know exactly what's wrong with your relationship - you gave a very comprehensive list. The only question to answer is: Are you willing to live like this? If the answer is yes, then that's the deal you made. If the answer is no, change it. Demand that he go with you to counseling or that he see a doctor for depression or, if nothing else works, demand a divorce.
If the answer is "I don't know," get some individual counseling to help you decide whether you want to change your answer to yes or no.
2006-07-13 03:17:04 · answer #9 · answered by Loss Leader 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I feel your pain.. I am in the SAME EXACT boat right now. My husband stays home all day, while I work. And then he goes to work at night. He barely shows me love and affection - and when I complain about it, he'll tell me he gave me a kiss yesterday!!!
Our son is 2, and he does nothing around the house except complain.
It will never change... this is the way they are... I guarantee you it will not stay this way forever. Either you will stay until he cheats or leaves you - or you will get tired of being lonely (emotional neglect is lonliness too) and you will leave.
Trust me, I'm weighing my options as well..
2006-07-13 03:14:22 · answer #10 · answered by Chrissie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋