I am in love with a 21 year old man that lives in another state and has a 19 year old girlfriend who just graduated from high school and has no plans to go to college or get a job. I am 30 years old, have a degree, a career that I love, and a house and car. He and I have always been inseperable when we are together because we have so much in common. He is afraid to get rid of his girlfriend (goth girl who fights w/ him constantly and claims to be bisexual) because he doesn't want to hurt her. She closely monitors his every move, so I don't get to talk to him much anymore except for short conversations here and there. However, we have several trips planned on weekends to get together, so what should I do to convince him during these trips to break up with her and stay with me? Please don't reply with reasons why I shouldn't pursue this, I already have heard them. Only reply w/ real suggestions to help me win over the man of my dreams! Thank you!
2006-07-13 02:50:38 · 18 answers · asked by Brainy Blondie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can't convince someone to leave someone else. My suggestion would be to tell him to make up his mind. Only he can decide what to do. If he doesn't want to be with her, then he has to end it.
2006-07-13 02:55:11 · answer #1 · answered by bonjovifan 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I truly feel you are wanting to change the fellow who doesn't want to be changed.
Have you told the lad how you feel about him and how much it hurts you that he stays with a woman who doesn't appreciate him? Let him know you hurt, since you say he won't leave the girlfriend for reasons of hurt. Make your arguments not about what you can do for him materially, but spiritually.
21 year old man of your dreams. Are you sure he is not just using you?
2006-07-13 02:56:40 · answer #2 · answered by rrrevils 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him about it. Tell him how you really feel and ask him if he could choose without hurting anyone would he want to be with you or her. If he has feelings for you tell him he needs to move on them because at a point you will find someone else and his chance will be gone. It also sounds like the other girl is a strong person, she will be able to get over him easily.
2006-07-13 02:57:24 · answer #3 · answered by Butkusman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice? What is meant to be, will be. I know it sounds like an "out", but words have never wrung truer. There is nothing that you can do! You could do all the right things and have it turn around on you, or do all the wrong things and have it work out for you. I hope that you all end up happy at the end of this thing.
Good thoughts,
2006-07-13 02:54:33 · answer #4 · answered by johnhategoblins 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to make up his own mind. If you have to convince to make a decision then maybe you should rethink your wants from him. If you two are so connected in wanting to be together and close as you feel you are then he shouldn't have a problem making a decision and just go forward with telling to other person the truth.
2006-07-13 03:08:21 · answer #5 · answered by tasgilla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well 21 and 19 year olds don't usually end up together for the "long haul," no matter what they think in their naive little heads at the time. they will break up let nature take its course...
he might resent you for being too aggressive about a break-up, so why don't you try making it seem like it's his idea? act like you don't care, but drop suggestive lines here and there, like, "she did what? oh yeah," and roll your eyes....say stuff like "i wouldn't be putting up with that" but don't wait for a reaction from him, just continue on like you didn't say anything. making guys think something was their idea is a skill every girl should master ;)
2006-07-13 02:58:15 · answer #6 · answered by kogirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He'll realize eventually that an older woman (no offense) is what he wants. They're more mature, less dramatic, and know what the hell they want in life. If you truely do love him... and he wants to be with you and you know he does, I'd have a converstation with her. I mean does that 19yr old GF of his even know about you? Perhaps you should tell him that he should tell her about you... otherwise he's getting just being a dick and trying to get action from two different women and your letting him. That's unfair to you and your heart.
2006-07-13 03:16:11 · answer #7 · answered by morrdak 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, he is with her because he wants to be. No man will stay with someone that he REALLY has NO interest in. He is playing mind games - as will 21 year old men do.
Get yourself a stud that only wants you. Trust me, he is not going to leave this girl so quickly - and your just gonna get more hurt.
2006-07-13 02:53:09 · answer #8 · answered by Chrissie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to break it to you, but all that college degree and career and smarts that you got didn't help you here, b/c it's obvious that you are the 'other woman'
You only know what HE CHOOSES TO TELL YOU about his relationship, and even then, how do you know he's telling you the truth? If he didn't want to be with her, he wouldn't. If he wanted to be with you full time, he would. You need to pay more attention to his actions than his words.
2006-07-13 02:57:14 · answer #9 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if u want him so bad u need to tell him u want him and if he ever leave his girl then you could come to me but dont take to long . cause u really want to be with him but yea ask him to be oyu instead of his girl friend.
2006-07-13 02:56:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋