Help! My mum hardly talks to me and watches TV all day.?

Question

I always try to talk to her and give her a hug but she never makes an effort to talk to me. Her husband (my dad) died 18 months ago . She is 68 years old. She doesn't have any friends. She is very religious and believes that people only stay friends for as long as it meets their needs. I agree with her as noone has been round to comfort my mum.

She spends her time chatting to people on a tarot card line and watching TV. She cooks and cleans too and I think this helps her give her a role in her life (i.e as a parent). She seems to believe in a hierachiacal structure of family where parents provide and deserve respect and children should listen and not talk back. The problem is I'm an Adult. I noticed when I moved out for a while she made more of an effort. I know that at her age she may be depressed. She used to be an active part of this relogious gr but she has lost interest after none supported her. Although she has asked me to go with her , I find it difficult as I'm not religio

Answer 1

It definitely sounds as though she is depressed. Is there any way you can encourage her to speak to her doctor, or a counsellor about what's going on? The grieving process takes quite some time, especially if they were married for years and while everyone else may feel she's 'over the worst' the truth is she probably needs support every bit as much now as she did when she was first bereaved.
It's sad no-one in her religious group seems to have supported her, but maybe she pushed them away rather than let herself appear vulnerable an din need? If they knew she was feeling this low perhaps they would organise visits and she may develop her interest again.
The sad thing is when people appear not to want or need anyone, that's the time they most need them.
Good luck and I hope she finds some support from somewhere.

Answer 2

Is there an activity that you can start doing together? It sounds like your mom is depressed and lonely and so she is probably just looking to pass the time by watching TV. If she keeps herself busy and in another world, she doesn't have to deal with reality. I'm sure that's also why she talks to people on her tarot card line. If she's really religious, I doubt she would believe in tarot cards. Nonetheless, if there is an activity that you can find to do with your mom, it will give you a wonderful opportunity to communicate and spend time with her. It will also keep her busy and thinking about other things. For example, I started to scrapbook with my Mom and it has been tremendous in helping us build a better relationship. It gives us something to talk about and do, we can go shopping and share ideas about projects. There are also classes you can take together so you can get out of the house. Look for something that might interest you both.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Sounds like she's depressed. I was too after a stroke I had 3 years ago at the age of 30. If going to a religious group and be among like-minded people will help her lift her spirit, then she should go. If she insists that you go with her, ask yourself why you feel you should go. Is your need for your mother to return to normal more important than any embarrasement or other feeling of inadequacy you might feel by going with her? You don't need to be 'religious' to share your views and opinions on the subject. "Religious' groups (of any faith) shouldn't exclude anyone from learning and taking part in their activities.

God doesn't care what religious persuasion you're from and how and when you worship Him and by what name you call Him (or Her!) As long as you are of good character, you have as much right as anyone else.

I think it's a very important duty and responsibility for children of any age to make sure that their parents well being and good health is maintained in to their old age. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Well, one of her problems is that she is probably depressed over the death of her husband and another thing is she needs to stop fooling with those tarot cards phone line. She should know better since she is so religious. Try to get her involve with some activities maybe a local senior citizen center in your area. Since she's so religious why don't she get involve with her church activities. Just keep talking to her and eventually she will listen and talk back to you. But try the extra activities.

Answer 5

I am not shore that I can find a way but try (I know its hard) to show interest in tarot card and once in a week go to that church DO THAT FOR HER. She is very sad and deppresed and MAYBE want to fallow her husband so dont let her go!!! Even if you are not religiost do it as experience - take it as learning something new! Then you will have subject to make you close together and by the time you can open new subjects and maybe you can make her interesting for something else.

Answer 6

I'm really sorry to read that your dad died. Maybe this really effected her, maybe it falls real hard on her, and watching TV is her only option, that what she thinks.
You know anyone she would listen to? A friend, a sister of her. Maybe she doesn't want to listen to you, because you remind her of your father, or maybe she doesn't wanna hear anything like that at all.
I hope that you will find a way to talk to her, just don't give up, keep trying, and let her know that your there for her, no matter what.
Good luck with this.

Answer 7

I think the best advice is to take your mum to a doctor, as she sounds like she is severely depressed after losing her husband. Why don't you take your mum to the religious group, you don't necessarily have to get involved just sit quietly in the corner if you wish, at least she will know you are there for her and who knows after a meeting or two she might have made new friends and not think twice about attending on her own, it seems to me she is stuck in a rut and she needs your help to get through this difficult time. I am sincerely sorry for your loss.

Answer 8

Simply said, you r a good child- forget your age, you r still a daughter to her. She gave birth to you. She deserves lots of honour and reference- in as much as God's boundary is not touched.
This is the time to really pay back, though frankly speaking you simply cant pay her back, but try yur best possible. If only you are a muslim, you'd appreciate the grade of reward awaiting you for been there now that she needs you most. Please forget the idea of old peoples home, it is a crime for any child to toy with- In Islam i mean.
Please gain more patience and calmness to take care of her. Smile at her treatment. Eat your pride whenever she seem to bore you.
It is really hard, but i wish you God speed. Above all, you ought not dabble into religion for her sake, this is more sensitive and demand concise search and precise discovery. Search for God and discover Himas he truly is. He loves you and gives you life to live as a trial which expires at a given time- not even known to you.
I'd love you to try Islam- not dogmatically but by research. All things will start to flow naturally. Being areligious is keeping that vacuum empty and it will continue to hunt the soul until that satisfaction is offered.
Good luck and do it right.

Answer 9

yeah but if she is depressed then you should go with her whether your religious or not doesn't matter its about giving your mom companionship as a daughter and friend sometimes in life you just got to do what you gotta do believe me you go and keep her company and things will start to work out just make sure you explain to her you can't do it all the time but set aside a day of the week or every 2 weeks just to give her that time

it will work out

Answer 10

she do sound depressed go to a church with her if that helps try and see if she would agree to you coming for a month then she will know some people by then if not perhaps the salvation army would be of help they are very comforting people to speak to and you don't have to ware the uniform to go to their church i hope you find some comfort for your mother and some peace for yourselfe,,,