Met a guy thru a frnd 8 years ago, fell madly in love, all was great. He was in a band, but had trbl making decent $ @ reg job(just got out of prison,had cheap boss) He bgn dealing 2get ahead. Ltr confessed 2 me he was addicted; we tried to fix situation, he cont'd w/dealing &using.Broke up w/him. He ltr got 8yr-prison term. We wrote;I visited him thru out yrs;told me how stupid he was 2 not have given up drugs 4 our love. He worked hard:got educ;imprvd work skills; made goals,plans 4 music,our future & no drugs. Will be out in 18 mos. Prob:We lost contact 10 mos ago (was trnsfrd & didn't have my address mmrzd-kept trying 2 get his mom 2 find me). Prsn grd told me he got released; so I thought he didn't love me anymore;sad,decided 2 let go;met new guy who's opposite;started 2 learn 2 love someone else. Has big plans 4 our future,lots of security. 2 mos.ago got word from 1st guy's mom:He still loves me,wants 2c me. Do I stay w/new guy & be secure or follow my hrt & wait 4 my true love?
2006-07-13 02:21:07 · 10 answers · asked by Just J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds to me like you haven't had all that much recent time with your "true love". Sometimes we confuse love with the need to help someone we care about.
The story just doesn't make sense to me. Its been 10 months without contact. Why now is his mother contacting you telling you how much her son loves you. People have wonderful dreams while they are locked up ... many find God and vow to reform. Reality is there are many who just can't make it on the outside world.
I'm not sure if you love this new man ... but to me its a no brainer. Stay away from the ex and let him get a handle on life after he is released. If he can keep it together once he's out then leave it to him to come find you.
The key here is you need to stay true to yourself. Figure out what it is in these men that draws you to them. Do some soul searching on what is best for you ... not what will happen to anyone else without you. You need to work on yourself right now. If you don't love this current man then give him the respect he deserves and tell him.
Best of luck in whatever you decide.
2006-07-13 02:51:49 · answer #1 · answered by J 3 · 9⤊ 1⤋
It appears you do not love the one you are with but are trying to. You also do not love the old BF. He has changed and you have changed during your time apart. You two may still be a match or may not be. Both of you will start out all happy and cozy if you get back together trying to live in the past.
The best answer is go spend some time coffee, dinner etc. with the former. Go as if you two had never met before and find out if he is still a good fit. It will be hard to keep your distance and he won't help because he wants to jump back into life wiht both feet after being locked away for so long. You need to be strong and not rush into things.
It is also important that you and your current have a long talk. LIke I said you do not love him yet and he should know that. He should also know that you wish to meet wiht your former. This may end your current relationship but since it is not based on love yet it might be time to end it.
2006-07-13 02:35:36 · answer #2 · answered by mike g 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U need 2 stay with the new guy 4 a few reason if u ever want any thing out of life then u will not go back 2 1st guy trust me i know. People will not want to hire him @ a job and the list goes on but well good luck to u and i hope every thing works out 4 u and the new guy.
2006-07-13 02:31:35 · answer #3 · answered by nicole_252006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not even think about that first guy! That drug addict? He has been in jail and used to sell drugs. If you get back together with him it will be the same sh*it all over again. Trust me. If you want to eventually settle down and have a family boyfriend #1 is not husband and father material. Think of what you went through with him. Do you want your children to go through that? Do not believe the "I've changed bullsh*it." If he really loved you he would have called you as coon as he got out of jail. Did he call you? No! Good men are hard to find and when you find them most of them are already taken. In this case he is taken by you so keep him! Trust me you will regret it if you loose boyfriend #2! Forget jail boy! Move on!
2006-07-13 02:41:45 · answer #4 · answered by strawberries 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We need to look at the history pattern of any aspect of our lives.....If history show that some one or something will never change then we need to seperate ourselfs from it or accept the out come....HISTORY DOES NOT LIE.....
Basicly what I am saying only you know the true history of the first guy in question and only you can asses the out come if he comes back into your life..
It sounds like you have found a good stabile life.......But on the other hand stability is not all we need in our live....We also need love and devotion..
You may want to contact the first guy(by phone) and chat with him......Listen with an open mind and not with your heart..
Keep some distance until you decide you want to get closer to him or further away....
Look at yourself and see waht you want and how you want your life to play out...There is very little in our lives we can control..But who we are with..!!!
Now on that issue again........HISTORY SHOWS US THE PATH.....
Best of luck.......You have a lot of thinking to do....
2006-07-13 02:36:23 · answer #5 · answered by tanear1964 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, your going to hurt one guy either way. you cant get away from it. but you really need to look at what your asking, pray about it. do you really think that guy #1 will stay clean? a prision sentance can make you one of two things, a wonderful wise caring person, or a very bitter hateful person. and how "in love" is guy #2 with you? you have to look at it from what will make you happy, yeah, you could lead a middle class secure life style, but is the what you really want?
2006-07-13 02:31:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Old adage.........Can a leopard change its spots? You seemed to have made some excuses for him (all bosses are cheap). Mom can find you but he can't?????? Sorry, but you need to move on from this guy. Maybe the one your with isn't right either? But, you met him and started something.........give him a shot, put "stripes" out of your mind for your own good.
2006-07-13 02:31:25 · answer #7 · answered by Michael K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This shouldnt also be a query experience u responded it urself. "ought to i go after the guy that i in common words want sex with or the guy i needs a courting" and then u suggested "i dont opt to be a whore" to qualify as a none-whore u ought to not have interaction in a unmarried evening stands and relationships that are in common words in step with sex. yet when u wanna be a whore after all go and characteristic sex. Dont anticipate them to understand u or anybody else for that remember. no individual likes whores. And ur sex substantial different will go away u for someone he must be in a courting with even as he comes to a call its time.guaranteed. maximum in all probability u is purely not the obtrusive decision experience he in common words sees u as a great time and in no way lady friend/spouse textile. you know a few thing he retains on the part. good success with ur dilema.
2016-11-01 23:46:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First...... just use English hon..... netspeak is cryptic and lazy.
Second - if you return to the addict, be prepared that he will, forever, be one. Its not his fault. But he'll never be free of it.
Third - "Secure" is a shitty reason to be with someone.
Neither man is right for you.
2006-07-13 02:27:25 · answer #9 · answered by Alexander Shannon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay with your current boyfriend.
2006-07-13 02:25:15 · answer #10 · answered by wmp55 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋