My close friend just announced that she is getting married to a man 4 years older than her that she just met a few months ago. She is only 18 and just starting her senior year in High School. Do you think she should be getting married and if not, how would you tell her if she was your friend?
2006-07-13 01:41:49 · 11 answers · asked by TNR volunter 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I am curlenty 10 hours away visiting family until the end of the month. Should I wait to talk to her until I get back or would it be okay to call?
2006-07-13 04:25:29 · update #1
As far as I know she is not pregnant.
She had a former boyfriend who she was close to pass away last year and I feel that she is not quite over him yet.
2006-07-13 04:27:40 · update #2
It sounds like your friend is caught up in the romance of being married, from what you are saying. But in reality, I don't think any of us could say for sure - or even you. I think that she's the only one that could really truly know if she's ready to be married.
I think that the best way to tell her how you feel is to just sit her down, one on one, and explain to her why you are worried. I would most definitely not tell her straight out that you think she's wrong, but tell her why you think it might not be a good idea. For example, instead of saying "you're too young" you might want to say something more like "I'm worried that you won't have time to do the things you have always wanted to do."
Basically you want to let her know that you'll be there for her, while at the same time just making sure that she's actually thought this through. It's a tough situation for any friend to be in. But just remember that in the end it's her choice and as her friend the best thing you can do for her is to be there for her and listen to what she is saying. As unlikely as it might seem, she might really honestly be in love with this man and maybe their marriage will end up for the best.
2006-07-13 02:36:00 · answer #1 · answered by ykokorocks 4 · 9⤊ 1⤋
Tell her that you're glad that she's found someone she loves but she really needs to THINK about it before she gets married. Just tell her the truth. Tell her to at least wait till she's out of high school and if marrying him is what she still wants to do, then you're all for it. Ask her if it's HIM she's in love with or is it the idea of MARRYING him. There's a good book called "Getting Married for the Right Reasons" I can't remember the author but you should Google it and give it to her as a gift.
But you do have to realize that no matter WHAT you tell her she may be deaf and blind to it. She seems to have made up her mind and nothing you say to her is going to change it. My advice is to just be as supportive as you can, put in your two cents and be ready to support her emotionally if the whole thing blows up in her face.
2006-07-13 01:49:22 · answer #2 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about what you feel but remember, it is her life. If this is what she wants then this is what she is going to do. It is early for someone to get married and most likely it will not work out for her and she will regret it later on in her life. However, stand by her in her choice and be there for her when it all falls apart. A true friend will not leave her just because of a bad choice she is making. There must be some reason she feels she has to do it.
Is she pregnant?
2006-07-13 02:00:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your soon to be husband need to have the same views when it comes to disciplining your son (and his). If I were you, I would definitley make sure your son has his OWN room still. If you do not have a church home (congregation) that you ALL attend together as a family, you need to. It should be a spirit filled congregation too. You should have family meetings and gatherings, and also go over the rules as a family (after you and your husband have first made agreements together). Long engagements are not usually a great idea, unless you are unsure that he is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. It's good that your son and him like each other. The sons are going to have to learn to get along...period.
2016-03-27 03:39:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to respect her wishes, if her fiance makes her happy and looks after her it's her choice. At 18 years old I think she's old enough to understand the choice she's making, she's probably aware of the negatives but doesn't feel they are big enough to outweigh the positives. If she's happy and her family/parents are happy and support her then you should probably do so too. If it doesn't work out then you can be there for her to support her through that, but if you tell her you don't agree and tried to persuade her not to do it it will probably just hurt her, upset her and drive her away in the time leading up to what is meant to be the happiest day of her life.
2006-07-13 01:49:51 · answer #5 · answered by pearly_wings 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Approach with caution! You could push her away if she thinks you're against this marriage. Just sit down with her and talk seriously. Tell her that she has her whole life ahead of her and to make absolutely sure this is what she wants to do.
Who knows, it may be true love and last forever. My mom was 16 when she married my dad, and they were married for 54 years.
2006-07-13 01:59:50 · answer #6 · answered by Lady J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can voice your reservations about it all and that you are worried about her, but it really is her decision. If you try to force her to change her mind she will really end up resenting you and you may lose your friendship.
All you can do is be there for her if it does go wrong and try to resist the temptation to say I told you so.
Being a good friend is sometimes knowing when to let go and let someone else make their own mistakes but giving them a helping hand to get back up again.
All the best . Your friend is lucky to have you.
2006-07-13 01:52:31 · answer #7 · answered by tjrj23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think she's too you - and I don;t just mean age wise , but experience wise. She needs to graduate and experience life for herself without the constrictions of commitment as serious as marriage. she will miss out on a lot of things.
i would let her know I do not agree, but stand by her and be there for if and/or when it turns kaput and she needs and friend. and don;t say I told you so, because nobody likes to hear that - even if it is true.
2006-07-13 01:50:41 · answer #8 · answered by island3girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A situation similar has happened to me,in my opinion talk to her tell her how you feel but stay out of it.You may ask why she may just grow to resent you,and that's not what you want i'm sure.You need to support her no matter what decision she makes or what happens.That's what a freind does we might not agree but we suuport our friends.
2006-07-13 03:47:30 · answer #9 · answered by Ericka B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage is like anything else in a person's life. It's a matter of priorities. Where on your list you put it will determine if it is successful or not. Age has less to do with it than commitment
2006-07-13 01:58:26 · answer #10 · answered by Michael S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋