Cute, naughty or funny... whos got a pick up line or a poem or a little saying that would make someone smile?

Answer 1

Fun Sayings

Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied man.
But behind a satisfied woman, there is usually an exhausted man.

Sex is like a restaurant. Sometimes you get full satisfactory service,
and Sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service

Why was the two piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.

Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly.

Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read :
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "
.
A kid asked the priest " Father, what is your pastime? "
The priest tapped the kid's shoulder and replied "Nun, my Child, Nun"

75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - Why?
Reason - Because she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything !

Answer 2

Fruit Cake Horror / By Elcycer

My EX ate rum fruit cake
and became a disgrace...
lying in the gutter
with crumbs on his face

Abusing spiked
coffee cake, mushroom
donuts, as well...
Life turned from pink icing, into a hell

He would not seek
help, just wanted me
to make... Mary Jane Brownies
350 degrees, one hour to bake

I tell my story, sad but
true...beware of rum
fruit cake, or this
could have been you!

Answer 3

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the
couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer
before it starts!"

The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Ten minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts!"

She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to
him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get
me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"

The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do
tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a
lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore. .."

The man sighs and says, "It's started..."

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Mrs. Whembleton decided to have her portrait painted. She told the
artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald
bracelets and a ruby pendant."

"But, Madam, you are not wearing any of those things."

"True enough," said Mrs. Whembleton. "If I should predecease my dear
husband I know he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to
go stark raving mad looking for the jewelry!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
"Breaking Up Is Hard To Do..."
(especially when you share the same major!)

PSYCHOLOGY: Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for
his Mother.

SOCIOLOGY: Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.

RELIGION: Each prays for reconciliation and/or curses G-d

ARCHAEOLOGY: One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of
trying to dig it up.

THEATRE: "OH MY G-D! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!"

BIOLOGY: "You just wanted to get in my genes!"

PHYSICS: Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must
come down.

JOURNALISM: "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18,
called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..."

WOMEN'S STUDIES: "HE did it!"

BUSINESS: Both decide that they're spending way too much money
together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single.

HISTORY: Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the
other party did in the past.

GEOGRAPHY: Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each
other.

ANATOMY: "I never liked your body anyway."

ECONOMICS: One party demands more than the other can supply.

ENGLISH: Each writes the other a perfect breakup letter, complete
with introduction, thesis, body, and conclusion, that doesn't really
say anything substantively intelligible.

EDUCATION: Both concede that the relationship was a learning
experience.

COMPUTING: "Man, this bytes -- we just couldn't interface"
and/or "His hard drive was more like a floppy."

E. ENGINEER: "It's just so shocking... I'm sure there are positives
and negatives, but..."

ARCHITECTURE: "There just wasn't much to build on anyway..."

JEWISH STUDIES: "OY! You should feel so guilty!"

PHILOSOPHY: If 2 people break up in a dorm and there's no one to
witness the breakup, are they really single?

ZOOLOGY: They were able to mate like banshees, but lacked
sophisticated communication skills.

PHYS. ED.: They punch each other out in frustration.

CHEMISTRY: "It was just the wrong chemistry between us..."

COUNSELING: Each urges the other to, "Get help!"

MUSIC: Each utilizes an operatic lament (or, in some parts, a country
song) to express his or her sorrow.

LAW: They sue each other for breach of a pre-dating agreement.
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__._,_.___




A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

__._,_.___

Answer 4

Ok a pick-up line: Your legs are like peanut butter smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.
Maybe: (make amdulance noises) Person askes "What's are you doing?" Person making noises says "That was the ambulance coming to get me because the site of you stopped my heart.

Answer 5

waitress pick-up line: i sure like to get a check from you.

if you bring me my food..ill give you a specail tip.

how about..after your done working...i'll show you what delivering food is all about.

librarian:
1. I would like to check through your catalog
2. from what i see.."dont judge a book by its cover"....well thats bullcrap
3. May i read your book...or should i bookmark your page?
4. If the silent rule is in affect...how about we go somewhere..?

Answer 6

a naughty pick up line....some guy asked a girl, "Did you grow up on a chicken farm? 'Cause you sure know how to raise a c**k"

Answer 7

sumthing sumthing sumthing

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

S-SMILE
E-ENERGY
X-XCITEMENT
So make "S-E-X"a daily habbit and u will always be
SUCC"S-E-X"FULL!!!

Answer 8

Smile because God loves you!

Answer 9

Roses are red... violets are blue....
I'm so horny... and so are you...

Though expect a cold palm on your face from time to time