I need help with my 5-year old who refuses to do his school work and fools around at study time ???

Question

I have 2 kids - elder is a girl of 7 yrs and younger is a son of 5 years (adopted). I have had very little trouble with my daughter and we are a very democratic and open family who did not believe in spanking children till my younger monster came along. Physically there is nothing wrong with him and his teachers are in praise of him ... But class work and home work are serious areas of concern. The fellow refuses to write down his lessons in class or learn up his spellings. This - inspite of explaining the need to complete his work on time ... building it up to threats and even spanking him for it. He tells me honestly that he was busy playing and hence he did not have time to take down his lessons. He goes to a very liberal schooling environment and his teachers do not scold him for not doing his work !!!!! HELP ME.

Answer 1

He's only 5 - enjoy his childhood!

Answer 2

First off, talk to his teachers. Find out what they say about why he isn't completing things in class. Find out how you can work together as a team with the teachers. See if they have suggestions. There must be consequences of not doing his work at school. It could be lost free time/recess, not getting a daily treat, etc. but there must be some consequences, otherwise whey even give them the work? If you get no where with the teacher, make an appointment with the dean of students or the principal.

At home, have a set time and place that homework is done. Remove distractions...turn off the TV, keep toys away, others quiet, etc. If you need to, sit down with him and walk him through the work. Don't do it for him, but help guide him through it to keep him on track. Consider a reward system of some type for getting it done by a certain time each night.

Is there any chance he is gifted? My oldest is very advanced and the past two years have been difficult for us. He has been in regular KG & 1st grade classrooms and because the work is too easy, he has felt that the homework was pointless and it was a struggle to get him to do it. This year he will be in an accelerated 2nd grade classroom and I'm hoping that the harder work will make him more interested in doing his homework. Just something else to consider. If the work is too easy and boring, it may not seem worth it to him. Maybe if they gave him more challenging work, he'd be more cooperative.

Answer 3

Speaking as a middle school teacher, you must address this problem now or you will be fighting it forever. Your child's teacher controls nothing that your child values, so them scolding him will not work. Not to mention you have two children they have 20 or more depending on where you live, so accept it now if you do not make your son do his work, it will not get done. That said, give him a school agenda or calendar. He is to write his assignments in them everyday, if he does not then take away what he values, regardless of his excuse. Example empty agenda no television, electronic games, etc. You will have to fight this every night for a long time, but if you are consistent it will work. The next part is simple, nothing fun happens until his homework is done. If it takes him so long that it is bedtime when he is done, oh well he made the choice. Watch out for the excuses he will try, I finished my work at school, my teacher never gives homework, etc. I would require the assignments written down and if the work was done at school you still need to see it or no fun that day. Scolding and spanking do not work for a child like this because most of the time he gets it his way, and only occasionally does mom lose it enough that he pays for it. You must parent and be firm and consistent now, if you do not prepare for F's when he is in the upper grades.

Good Luck

Answer 4

First off I would change schools or classroom. His teacher is not disciplining him for his lack of work. That sends him a huge message that he doesn't really have to do his work. Some kids need someone to be on top of them all the time and it sounds like this class and teacher is not up to the job. I personally would be changing schools.

Secondly I would make him do a chore for every assignment he does not do. Also taking away toys or video games would be another option. To motivate him if your girl completes her homework in a timely fashion reward her, give her a quarter or some candy, or something. If he asks for a quarter or candy refuse and explain why (Susie did her homework and filled out her planner...etc.). When report cards come you should reward good report cards. If he is not doing his classwork or homework it is going to reflect in his report card. If your daughter does well reward her with a small toy from the store. This may sound cruel that she's gettting something but he's not but you are trying to show him that actions have consequences both good and bad. Also it will most likely spark some sibling rivalry and he'll want to get the prize too.

Answer 5

fist off find him a school where teachers do yell and punish eventually it will get through his skull even if it means making him write down what he has to do , get the teacher to sign it, and then bring it home, do it show you its all done, and you sign it, and he shows his teacher the next day, if he fails on the school end or at home he should be punish with possible a spanking and then grounding him from tv, phone, friends, and leaving the house. you may even have to sit down with him , force him to do it and if he continues acting up spank him again, take away everything, and extend the period of time he is grounded + a new spanking for every misbehavior. And dont back down or let him off sooner than said. He will walk all over you.

also look into the possiblity of adhd they can give meds that really help. I had adhd as a child, which has dissappeared over time, but when i did take the meds, i did much much better in school

Answer 6

first off, you are very wrong in calling him a monster and what is the reason to tell us he is your ADOPTED child and the girl is your child. That is part of the problem right there you treat him differently. Once you adopted he is your child too and maybe if you felt that and showed that he would be different. Secondly, children need help in learning how to study and do school work, some more than others. Sit and show him what is expected of him at homework time, if he doesn't do it than let him know he can't play, watch t.v., have dessert, but never hit. Violence begats violence. Boys and girls are different and girls mature faster in learning in the beginning and then boys take over. Give him a chance, he is a boy, a child (yours) and not a MONSTER.

Answer 7

The child is five years old, he's behaving exactly as you would expect from a youngster of that age!

Buy some nice stickers and an awards board and give him a sticker every time he is able to sit still for ten minutes and do his homework, working up to the idea if he have seven stickers at the end of the week then he can have a treat. But really, don't expect him to sit longer than ten minutes. Children, especially boys, just don't have the attention span. Take your lead from his teacher, seeing that if she isn't worried then neither should you be.

Answer 8

How much study time are we talking about? At 5 years of age, especially a boy, more than 10 minutes would be excessive. I'd suggest making sure that he is actually able to write down his lessons. My grandson did an extremely good job at "faking" his understanding of what was being taught in school. He had a close to photographic memory but was unable to distinguish letter sounds. Occaisionally, in a classroom of children, it is difficult to determine if everyone understands and is able to do the lessons. You also have to remember that girls mature a bit faster than boys, so the fact that your daughter has given you little trouble doesn't apply. Part of the problem could be your tendency toward comparing the 2 children. And I'm sincerely hoping that your reference to your "younger monster" was meant affectionately. That said: My youngest went through a period of "not having time" to write down his assignments, he was 7 at the time, since we were close enough that he walked to school, I was able to arrange with his teacher that she check to make sure his assignment was written down and if not he had to stay and do that while the other children were rushing out the door. Needless to say, 2 days of that was enough for him and he made sure he had his assignment duly written down before the dismissal bell. Good Luck

Answer 9

Remember he is only 5 years old, which means his attention span is about 5 to 10 minutes. I give my 6 year old daughter frequent breaks when studying and I tell her when you get this done, you can do what you want, or an "If ... than..." statement. It sounds like your son needs a very structured environment at school to get things done. Make sure he has a teacher that can provide that or a school that matches your son's learning styles better.

Answer 10

Hi, there needs to be discipline and rewards in this situation. Have you ever seen 'Tiny Tearaways'?, you should watch this and adopt some of the techniques used. If you boy does something wrong, discipline him. This does not mean hitting, he has to understand there will be consequences for his bad behaviour and praise for his good behaviour. For example, if he refuses to do his homework, take away a toy of his, or dont let him have a treat he usually has. On the other hand, if he is good, take him to the park and have fun or give him back a toy/treat you have taken away due to bad behaviour. You do need to keep this up or he will think you are a push-over and try his luck!

Answer 11

It appears that your son is not ready for this particular learning environment. Try pulling him out and give him some informal learning activities that he can comfortably do with lots of success. Then praise him profusely! Let him do things that involve large muscle groups and limit close work that requires fine motor skills to just a few minutes per day. Give him time to explore and discover things and you may be surprised to see how he flourishes. Plan some service projects in the community and involve him in serving the elderly or other needy people.